Today's Hollywood Reporter features a long profile of producer Cathy Schulman, who's currently locked in an entertaining bout of legal shit-flinging with former business partner (and fellow Crash producer) Bob Yari. And while it's always difficult to capture a large, complicated personality in a single column in a trade publication, this is what we took away from the story: 1) She is "flat broke," despite the Oscar, 2) she has professional "man trouble," and 3) she's a little defensive about her tendency to fight back against these men in court. Some illustrative pullquoting follows:

Join us in bowing down before the goods and services offered by this week's sponsors, which capably fill the hole in our heart where love is supposed to go. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and capture the hearts and minds of our incredible wealthy and sexy readership, see this page.

After a "stunningly weak" return to the schedule this week, NBC has again yanked Joey, signalling that the network has probably euthanized the comatose series. NBC, however, will maintain its commitment to programming featuring the mentally challenged by picking up eight more episodes of Deal or No Deal., the gameshow in which contestants scream at briefcases for no apparent reason. [Variety]
The Weinsteins are bringing a musical version of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to Broadway—hopefully, this will be a classy production and not just a flimsy excuse for Harvey Weinstein to sing showtunes in a kimono. [Variety]
Old TV faces in new pilot places: Dylan "I'm Not McDreamy" McDermott, Kim Cattrall, and Wendie Mallick all sign up for ABC projects. [THR]
Two Ryan Adams fans are indicted for premature enthusiasm after leaking some of Adams' new album on the internet before its release.[THR]
Revisiting The Slump (or if you prefer, "The Slump"): The MPAA reports that marketing costs rose 5.2% last year while attendance and ticket sales fell, indicating that the studios' ploys to cover up for shitty movies with increased promotion was largely unsuccessful. We'd feel good about this, but we know that they're just going to blitz us with more Shaggy DA ads until we return to the theaters in acceptable numbers. [Variety]

Breaking into showbiz, the saying goes, is all about who you know; we just didn't realize the extent of it. Move over, Victoria Gotti: Wafah Dufour Bin Ladin, Osama bin Laden's niece, has inked a reality show development deal with ReganMedia.

A reader submitted this apparently much-forwarded report (don't worry, we removed all the e-mail headers to protect the gossipy) on the Vanity Fair Oscar post-party by a staffer who faithfully listed all the celebrities she served. We make no claims as to the authenticity of said e-mail, but given that it's basically just a roll-call of famous names who brushed by the chatty server and not a scandalous report of Hilary Swank, Sandra Bullock, and Al Roker doing crystal meth behind an ice sculpture and then killing a busboy just to watch him die, why sweat it? Enjoy the orgy roster:

When last we checked in with Bravo executive Andy Cohen's little corner of the blogosphere, Andy's Blog (alternate title: The "Have I Mentioned Sarah Jessica Parker is a Close, Personal Friend Yet? Because She Is" Blog), Mr. Cohen shared a hilarious anecdote involving his distaste for underpants and a spontaneous striptease with Cybill Shepherd. Today, he scores an exclusive interview with surprise! close, personal friend Sarah Jessica Parker, who humors his request for a little round of co-star word association:

Sensing an opportunity to linger in the fleeting spotlight of a cameo in yesterday's Page Six item about CAA agent Kevin Huvane saving actress Ellen Barkin from a pre-Oscar choking death, former action star Sylvester Stallone today set the record straight on his non-intervention in the esophageal blockage:

As we all know by now, Michael Jackson threw himself into the welcoming arms of the Kingdom of Bahrain shortly after his molestation trial acquittal, where he's been secretly rebuilding his creepy empire (and occasionally enjoying some downtime in the country's world-class water parks). It seems that recreating his former life half a world away from the land of his birth has considerably taxed his resources, as The Smoking Gun reports that Jackson has failed to insure the employees at Neverland Ranch, resulting in fines and an order from California's Division of Labor Standards Enforcement barring employees from working there, effectively shuttering the Ranch:

· "Technology has brought us to this point of self-destruction. It's the dichotomy of our curiosity and greed, which are hardwired greed, because we had to survive because we were always hungry, so we had to gather things, and curiosity, which brought us out of the trees. In small amounts, they're the difference between us and the rest of the animal world. In large amounts, they're causing the destruction of everything. And I think technology has put us in a position of destroying the planet as we know it, and us along with it. I'm very pessimistic about the future of mankind based on all the things that are going on now and our lack of will to correct it." If you guessed that today's prophet of dystopian doom is Captain Kirk, give yourself a pat on the back.
The LAT asked a security agency for some tips on avoiding the paparazzi. Not covered, however, was the highly successful technique of ramming your luxury automobile into your pursuers to send a message to other overzealous shutterbugs.
We read something like this and then we fall in love with the Fugly Girls all over again.
It's a well-known fact that regular consumer electronics gain magical properties when touched by famous people who can yodel through their anuses, so this auction for Jim Carrey's PlayStation is a real steal.

The makers of the next James Bond film have gone on the defensive. Having read the reports questioning their choice of fair-haired, tooth-impaired Daniel Craig for the title role, Casino Royale producers organized a press junket on the set, that reporters may gaze upon Craig's rugged yet dashingly appropriate good looks and ease with a hand weapon. Craig himself dismissed all those pesky rumors:

· Thursday night music: She Wants Revenge at the Henry Fonda; Joe Henry at Largo; Steve Wynn and the Miracle 3 at the Echo; KRS One at the Viper Room.
· LACDA hosts an exhibition of the work of the Top 40 artists from the Juried International Competition for Digital Art and Photography, including The Matrix Oscar winner Dane Davis. Judging from the examples on their website, there's some cool, trippy stuff, so get nice and high before. Or not. We don't mean to insinuate that you have to use drugs to appreciate art. You're above that. [via LAist]
· Nimoy! The King of All Vulcans appears at the Egyptian for a tribute to B-movie producer Jack Broder, with a double-feature of Kid Monk Baroni and Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla, the latter of which would make a great name for an opening act at Spaceland.

Protesting janitors from NBC Studios and Universal CityWalk have started the Picking Up After the Peacock blog to bring attention to their labor dispute with the media conglomerate. They've posted some photos (like the one above) of yesterday's picketing of CityWalk (motto: The Fourth Or Fifth Happiest Place In The Greater Los Angeles Area), a march that was no doubt jarring for the neon-dazed tourists who had to decide whether to believe the janitors protesting low wages and poor benefits or the nearby NBC Uni officials assuring them that this was a simulated demonstration to supplement their "Local Labor Strife Food Court," and that their hosing down of the sign-wielding throng was merely routine maintenance of the living exhibit.

Last night's Project Runway finale provided some closure to a satisfying second season: Santino Rice was in rare form, repeatedly telling anyone who'd listen how his mother was "the shit." (If she was so shit-like, we kept asking ourselves, then what kept the two apart since 2002?) As if scripted by the reality show-writing gods, Daniel Vosovic's precious "shop class" handbags went missing at the very last minute, which Tim Gunn sensitively reacted to by saying, "Sometimes things happen for a reason." And Chloe Dao even showed some spunk, likening her designing process to immaculate conception, and her collection to her "baby." It was a clever tactic that may very well have contributed to her win who in their right minds, after all, is going to deny Baby Jesus the big prize?

If the death that soon followed CAA bigshot Bryan Lourd's pre-Oscar party last year didn't prove that socializing with agents the night before the ceremony is a potentially fatal undertaking, this item from today's Page Six should serve to remind us of the spectre of imminent doom that accompanies each encounter with the ten-percent class:

For those of you who missed yesterday's little note about why things are so slow around here the last couple of days, an update: things are still kind of clogged up on the back end, but we're valiantly straining to squeeze out as much content as we can when the server allows us an opening. Luckily, things seem to be loosening up now. (Sorry, yesterday you got leprechauns and unicorns, today you get unpleasant gastrointestinal imagery. Such is life.)

Fans of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report not satisfied by the fifteen times a day the shows are played on Comedy Central can now download episodes through iTunes, either on an a la carte basis or through a monthly subscription of $9.99 for a month's worth of episodes. [Variety]
The success of My Name is Earl and The Office fill trendfucking networks execs wild with single-camera lust, as nearly half of all comedy pilots ordered will eschew the laugh track. [THR]
Despite the fact that CBS is trying to sue him back to the telegraph era, Howard Stern will appear on Letterman on Monday to battle Les Moonves on his turf. [Variety]
More pilot casting madness: Dennis Miller and Joe Mantegna join the cast Bonnie Hunt's untitled detective comedy (detectives are the new psychics) for ABC, Chris Elliott signs up for a semi-autobiographical comedy with CBS, and The CW risks comedy crib death by talking with Nick Lachey about starring in its first sitcom pilot. [THR]
John Cusack will star in the adaptation of the Stephen King short story 1408 for Dimension, granting him a temporary stay of romantic comedy career execution. [Variety]

Joan Rivers can strike terror in the hearts of even the heartiest and best-traveled of red carpet footsloggers. Beyond her vicious barbs, her grasp on industry facts is iffy at best (she once greeted Ron Howard and Brian Grazer with a cordial, Names! ), and then there s the small matter of her face a fiberglass death-mask, polished by workers to a high sheen before every TV Guide channel awards show appearance.

As if a story about how the high command on the bridge of the Scientology mothership might not be too pleased that second-ranking celebrity Hubbardite John Travolta would be dressing in drag for his role in Hairspray wasn't already a brave enough move for Jeanette Walls of The Scoop, it includes the even more incredible act of courage of recasting everyone's favorite rageoholic mogul in the Broadway production. Once Harvey Weinstein finds out about this mistake and pictures himself in a housecoat, bouffant, and six pounds of makeup, the race will be on to see who can get their white vans full of goons into position in front of Walls' apartment first, the Scientologists or the Weinstein Co.

· The best part about actors having to give so many interviews to promote their just-released movies is that the likelihood of them saying stupid things greatly increases, giving us priceless moments like Bruce Willis proposing that we invade Colombia to stop the cocaine trade. Thank you, 16 Blocks!
British tabloids: Stop trying to attach your second-rate tabloid skanks to our Scientology war brides. Thank you.
· Hey, furry lobster!
· If this picture of Sharon Stone doesn't chill you to the bone, you are a) visually impaired, or b) don't have any bones.
Vin Diesel only deploys the kryptonics when the showtunes fail. [last item]
Thighs Wide Shut turned two years young today. Stop by and share some cake.

Thanks to a Defamer operative, we think we may have a clue as to the contents of that all-important text message preoccupying Catherine Keener early in the Oscar ceremony: She was merely getting confirmation that her name was on the guest list for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs show later that night at the Troubadour.