· Paramount will enable the on-screen reunion of The Departed's Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon, who will star as pugilism-loving, Massachusetts-native half-brothers Micky and Dicky Ward in the boxing drama The Fighter (if they like the script), though it's unclear from the story which actor will be the "Rocky-like" boxing champion and which the "boxer-turned-trainer who rebounded in life after nearly being KO'd by drugs and crime." [Variety]
· VH1 and BET are jointly developing the hip-hop drama series Wifey; if picked up, the show would air at the same time on both networks through its first season in an attempt at "broadening the audience," an unusual arrangement transparently aimed at sparing white viewers the inconvenience of having to find BET on their cable channel guides. [THR]
· Jennifer Hudson's not the only discarded Idol contestant to shake off the public humiliation of rejection and do something with her life. [Variety]
· American Idol and House win Tuesday for Fox. Sure, we could just copy and paste that blurb in every Tuesday trade round-up item for the remainder of the television season, but we prefer to marvel anew each week at Idol's ritualistic Nielsen humiliation of its doomed competition. [THR]
· Michael Bay screens footage of Transformers in NY for attendees of a toy conference, noting to an impressed crowd that the movie's plot was derived entirely from the copy on the back of the original toys' packaging, and even going so far as to explain that Bumblee's dramatic arc was constructed to demonstrate a character of 8 Intelligence and 10 Courage. [Variety]

Relentlessly upbeat and intermittently intelligible center American Idol judge Paula Abdul is still explaining (and using almost exactly the same words) how her slurred, nonsensical, and sometimes unconscious appearances on national television are the result of a somewhat sideways view of life, and not, as many assume incorrectly, a predilection for straight-up Xanaxtinis:

This morning brings ominous news for Studio 60's legion of upscale, affluent, and Nielsen-confounding, TiVo-time-shifting fans: Variety reports that NBC is moving up by a week its previously announced indefinite yanking of the series following the show's worst ratings to date, handing over its juicy, post-Heroes Monday night timeslot to [pause for reflexive tightening of the sphincter] Paul Haggis' The Black Donnellys on February 26th. Says Var:

· TMZ got their hands on a mindblowing document: Quethlie Alexis, Smith's Bahamian nanny, testified in a sworn affidavit that she was ordered to underfeed Dannielynn because Anna Nicole was "obsessed with making sure that her baby was 'sexy.'" She'd enforce the order by keeping the baby monitor on at all times. Also: She threatened to "shoot her" if the baby were to ever call Alexis "Mummy." Also: She tried to kill herself twice, once with a bottle of sleep aids, another by drowning herself in the pool. Also: Upon rescuing her from the pool, Stern said, "If anything happens to you, I would go to jail." Also: She was in all probability doing the Bahamian immigration minister six ways from Sunday. [TMZ]
· The ever helpful folks at ET/The Insider released some previously unseen footage from their exclusive first interview after Daniel died, in which a vengeful Anna Nicole hints at "stories" about "all the things [my mother] did to me." Apparently, she had the audacity to accuse Anna Nicole of being a drug user who put herself and her family at risk! [YouTube]
· Here's an unearthed video of Anna Nicole frolicking naked in a bathtub for an Italian journalist, rendered even more erotic by the automaton announcer narrating in German. Highlight: When she vacuum-seals her breasts in a shower curtain liner. Very NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]
· Everything you didn't want to know about the current state of Anna Nicole's body: As a judge has granted Larry Birkhead's request to keep her body in Florida until accurate DNA testing occurred, she remains in refrigeration. Howard K. Stern and her mother want her released and embalmed as quickly as possible, for fear that "it will not be suitable for viewing or funeral purposes." [AP]
· And just as quickly, the judge changes his mind: Cleared for burial! [Extra]

Maybe we've just succumbed to the Hallmark-backed brainwashing that reduces the populace to a bunch of joylessly romantic zombies drooling the brown juice of half-chewed chocolate down their slackened jaws each February 14, but we find ourselves completely unable to resist a good love story this morning. Over in Berlin, semi-mummified Viacom overlord Sumner Redstone briefly paused from describing his corporate empire's plans for an immediate takeover of all German media to once again share the depth of his feelings for his kept Paramount man, Brad Grey, in whose warm embrace Redstone plans to spend the rest of his (neverending) days. From an interview in THR:

Because Valentine's Day (yes, it's today—remind your married boss to send you out to obtain enough champagne to fill his Jacuzzi, which should probably buy him another year of boning the second assistant before divorce papers are filed) is a celebration of love, we pass along this video of a Saturday night Comedy Store quarrel between accused joke appropriator Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia and comedy repo man Joe "I'm A Famous Multi-Millionaire" Rogan, who finally have it out over Mencia's utter inability to get a laugh with other comics' material. Yes, their bickering gets quite heated and loud at times (and goes on at length—make liberal use of the fast-forward function of the YouTube slider bar), but one can't ask that such passion be expressed quietly. Happy Valentine's!

· So what were the mayor and Paris Hilton gabbing about at the Grammys after-party the other night? Music, of course, and maybe a little bit about her thoughts on his citywide WiFi initiative.
· Burglars are loose in the Hollywood Hills! No worries, though, as it seems they're only targeting millionaire country stars.
· Mallfight!
· Don't think for a second that Ivanka Trump is some kind of spoiled brat: The Donald would take that house away from her so fast if she ever missed a mortgage payment.

Blackfilm.com reports that at a recent press conference for his flaming-skulls-and-motorcycles movie Ghost Rider, Nicolas Cage started things off by demanding to know if any of the gathered reporters were from Entertainment Weekly, "clearly indicating that he's not a fan of their magazine." Pressed further for what EW—who generally demonstrate an "up with movie stars!" editorial bias—might have done to earn the ire of the Inscrutably Hairlined One, Cage instantly launched into a diatribe about narrowmindedness and the nature of true art:

It's a question threatening to tear Hollywood's most prominent, liberal-kingmaking billionaires apart at the gilded seams: Do they throw a fabulous fund-raiser aimed at continuing the spread Obamamania, the sensation sweeping the industry, or do they fall back into the calming, emasculating embrace of longtime Democratic stalwart Hillary Clinton, a tragically unsexy, but arguably safer, choice? The answer, of course, is, "Why can't we do both? We have so much fucking money that no one can tell us to make up our minds until we're good and ready," but Slate notes that a recent Robert Novak column seemed to imply that the officially unbetrothed Steven Spielberg's hosting of a Clinton event means that he's already decided to abandon DreamWorks partners David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg's desire to call forth from the heavens a deluge of showbiz cash that will carry their beloved Obama to an easy nomination:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in—the world is waiting. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Paula Abdul browsing the self-med section at Book Soup:

· Music round-up; Imogen Heap at the Silent Movie Theater; Patty Griffin at the Hotel Café; CineSpace hosts Valentine's Day 80s Prom Night with Totally Radd and Steve Aoki.
· Pulitzer Prize winner Charlie LeDuff signs his book US Guys: The True and Twisted Mind of the American Man at Book Soup.
· Doug Benson celebrates his love of movies in podcast form (well, in podcast-recording form) at the matter-of-factly titled Doug Benson's I Love Movies at the UCB Theatre (free!); hang around afterwards and a five-spot gets you into Comedy Death Ray, featuring Andy Kindler, Chris Hardwick, and some videos from Human Giant.

A tipster forwarded us one of the latest offerings from New Line's Google News Alert-inspired marketing effort, designed to instill in its mass e-mail recipients a reflexive, bowel-loosening dread of the mysteriously recurring number soon bedeviling a paranoid Jim Carrey at a multiplex near you, one which is sure to win the studio's team a Best Use of a Frozen Dead Baby In An Online Campaign at next year's Flackies.

The sleepy little central coast city of San Luis Obispo is so atwitter about playing host to rehab outpatient and sometime actress Lindsay Lohan while her much-inconvenienced current film, I Know Who Killed Me, visits for a location shoot that the local Tribune's website is running a poll to determine if a Lohanesque individual spotted by one of their photographers (pictured) is the genuine, troubled article, perhaps in an attempt to ascertain whether or not they need to alert local watering holes about the possible underage-drinking recidivist in their midst. An operative with knowledge of the IKWKM shoot informs us that the photo's subject is Lohan's stand-in (confirming the evaluations of the overwhelming majority of photo-scrutinizing voters), and that people on the production are cautiously optimistic that they might actually get some footage of their star in the can due to the location's refreshing shortage of celebutard-studded clubs.

· It never quite feels like an Emmys unless there's some royal fuck-up: Daytime Emmys nomination ballots went online minus the talk show category, but was quickly fixed, resulting in only nine ballots being cast incorrectly. [Variety]
· The AMPAS Scientific and Technology Awards recognized breakthrough achievements in processes for archiving and preserving digitally mastered movies, something you may have thought unnecessary, but remember when CDs first came out and were called indestructable? [THR]
· Dame Judi Dench won't make it to the Oscars, thanks to some knee surgery, halving the number of silver foxes on hand as Best Actress nominees. [inthenews.co.uk]
· Will Paul Greengrass pull a best director upset at the Oscars? [AP]
· How adorable! Oscar dressed up with a little pirate hat, eye-patch, and scimitar! By the way, we in no way endorse the highly illegal BitTorrent downloading of all this year's nominees, as facilitated by this handy site. [oscartorrent.com]

Last year brought us the death-masks formerly known as Kenny Rogers and Barry Manilow, but this year, rumors have been swirling about a ratcheting up of has-been guest star power on American Idol. According to Reality TV Magazine, the freakiest face of all just may be dropping by Idol's CBS Television City studios: Michael Jackson has reportedly been having clandestine meetings with the show's producers, and in a recent promotional conference call with the media, Idol EP Nigel Lythgoe, dropped this unsubtle hint into the proceedings:

· Leonardo DiCaprio is looking to produce and star in a feature about the story of Enron's collapse for Warner Bros., based on the book Conspiracy of Fools. Think The Insider, but with a prettier lead and shady accounting practices instead of cigarettes. [Variety]
· China is getting a local version of Access Hollywood, which will reportedly contain a 70/30 ratio of Chinese to American entertainment news, a split that should be more than be sufficient to completely erode the indigenous culture within mere months. [THR]
· Chick flicks with the word "devil" in the title are totally hott! Jennifer Garner will produce and possibly star in the comedy Devil in the Junior League for Universal. [Variety]
· Sony Pictures TV Int'l. blows minds by acquiring the rights to sci-fi drama Afterworld on all platforms current and future, real and as-yet-imagined. [THR]
· As noted yesterday, Comedy Central picks up a second season of The Sarah Silverman Program, rewarding the show's high-rated celebration of vaginal flatulence. [Variety]

If you watch only one video of a fading actress behaving in a suspiciously loopy fashion while presiding over a Berlin charity auction, make it this one, in which Sharon Stone warns her Cinema for Peace Gala audience of "naughty Germans" that almost any movement on their part will result in a bid. At first, we thought it was the lovely Teutonic lasses sharing the stage with Stone that were on offer, but upon dozens and dozens of subsequent viewings, we've deduced that they're holding up a large sign reading "Bed the Crazy Auction Hostess" in German.

Following up on yesterday's shocking news that Reese Witherspoon was leaving rebound agency Endeavor for the welcoming, evil embrace of longtime suitor CAA after just a year as a lusciously bankable bride in Ari Emannuel's talent-harem, the LA Weekly's Nikki Finke fills in the backstory on how the representational three-way between Witherspoon and the competing chop shops resolved itself:

· Hollywood Police Capt. Tony Rode has since deflected all inquiries back to Seminole PD, saying "This investigation belongs to the Seminole Police Department. You are looking at the extent of our role." If you're anticipating a botched, inept investigation, fear not: They own at least one helicopter! (But they are trying to unload it to the highest bidder.) [AP, SeminoleSheriff.org]
· Anna Nicole's "lifeless" body, reports TMZ (guess she's still dead!), is currently being held at the Florida morgue, and mother Virgie Arthur wants to claim it as soon as possible for burial. But, they report, a tug-of-war is underway, as "Anna's people" (i.e. the Howard K. Stern camp) are trying to negotiate a deal with Larry Birkhead's lawyers: release your hold on the body, and get a DNA sample of Anna Nicole. The catch? No DNA sample of the baby. [TMZ]
· Bahamian Immigration Minister Shane Gibson response to allegations that he sped through Anna Nicole's citizenship application: "Absolutely not." He then spent the rest of Monday snuggling fully clothed in bed with every other applicant, to prove he shows no favoritism.
· Larry Birkhead says he attended infant-care classes on his own in anticipation of Dannielynn's birth, as well as baby CPR classes, in case "there was an emergency." [NY Daily News]

In what might be the first shot fired in East Coast/West Coast Half-Hour/Hourlong Funny/Unfunny War between NBC's dueling behind-the-scenes-at-a-sketch-comedy-show primetime series, 30 Rock's Tina Fey offered this one-liner at the expense of presumed NBC Messiah Aaron Sorkin: