As EW spoiler kingpin Steven Daly might have hinted they would, shutterbugs recently got a glimpse of Tom Hanks reprising his role as coiffure-challenged Da Vinci Code symbologist Robert Langdon on the Rome set of Angels & Demons. Everything was going appropriately by-the-numbers when the chronic anguish of complacency rocketed into the Oscar-winner's pinky, requiring a brief stoppage of production as medics attended to the finger. "What ees eet, Tohm?" they were heard to ask.

It's been a while since The Incredible Hulk lumbered into a completely fabricated media controversy, a drought no doubt prompting the LA Times to report today's scandal that... that... Sweet Jesus, we can't even write it. John Horn, would you please step in?

We have a feeling that, were there a group of deadbeat dads out in Glendale (a la those Dina Lohan-lovin' freaks out East) who got drunk enough one day to form a Totally Awesome Dads Association (TADA!), they would most likely celebrate their first-year anniversary by handing out their Bud Light-drenched award for Father Of The Year to Papa Joe Simpson. Why? Well, as we already know, the former minister-turned-dadager managed to pimp out a few mind-numbingly boring exclusive wedding pictures featuring most annoyingly faux-punk new marrieds on the planet, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, to People a few weeks back. But what we didn’t know was that, at the same time, Simpson was allegedly attempting to sell off his other daughter Jessica — not to the tabloids, but to then-boyfriend Tony Romo. See the astonishing managing skills this guy has? But he reportedly wasn’t stopping at selling off his daughter — he was also said to be pressuring the quarterback to sign a client/manager agreement and become one of the magically successful Simpson Family Players:

• So You Think You Can Dance [Fox]

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

When you're a professional entertainer—particularly if you're one of the Unfunniest Comedians in America—you have to know how to handle hecklers. Dane Cook, as you see here (click to enlarge), responds to a mere MySpace heckler by calling her "ugly like a trout." His reaction is ineffective, inefficient, and fails by every standard of the Heckler-Handling Handbook. Observe:

Lest you thought that literally everyone with access to a modem was piling on the ever-accelerating M. Night Shyamalan/Happening Backlash-Wagon, we have found one defender of the faith — one deeply committed Shyamaphile whose allegiance to the beleaguered filmmaker manifests itself today in a pro-Manoj screed so penetrating it could cut glass. Or maybe lick the glass. But don't take our word for it; after the jump, Brad Brevet has what may be the final word on the myriad misunderstandings trailing The Happening to its June 13 release.

Angelina Jolie wasn’t kidding when she went on (and on) about über-husband, highbrow architect and sometimes-actor Brad Pitt’s obsession with home design in this month's Vanity Fair. As we noted on Tuesday, Jolie spent much of the VF cover story gushing about Pitt’s ability to design and teach her how to make the light look just right in all seasons (side note — are we the only ones who find this incredibly unsexy? Hell, it’s Brad Pitt. Nevermind). But on a recent jaunt to Switzerland, he dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on in an effort to furnish upcoming Chosen Two Perfection Facility with furniture that is high on style but low on comfort. From scratchy aluminum rugs to chairs that do not look suitable for any variety of chair sex (wild or otherwise), we took a closer look at Brad’s shopping spree after the jump.

[Photo Credit: X17]

Congratulations are in order this morning for Wayne McClammy, the first director ever to parlay a pair of unprintably named viral videos into a movie deal at a major studio. McClammy, whose Variety-redacted, Sarah Silverman-starring I'm Fucking Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel follow-up I'm Fucking Ben Affleck blew up earlier this year, was handed the reins for the Fox comedy Cool School, about "ad executives in their early thirties who are sent back to high school to learn how to be cool again." We'll reserve judgment for the time being — the script isn't even finished, and any way you slice it, it could be worse: At least Kevin Smith didn't wind up with a feature deal tied to that ill-advised Elizabeth Banks parody I'm Fucking Seth Rogen. What? He did? All right, well, no pressure, McClammy! No, literally — no pressure at all. [Variety]

ABCNews.com has noticed that practitioners of Hollywood's dirty little secret—same-sex love—have become increasingly emboldened in recent months, perhaps spurred on by Supreme Court rulings and increasingly desperate shock-starlets hoping to nudge up their per-staged-paparazzi-op asking prices. Their investigative team have therefore taken it upon themselves to blow the lid wide open on the distressing, "gay celebrities leading their lives openly and happily" trend currently plaguing the industry.

· Phew! For a second we were also worried Julianne Moore's young son would ask her what fellatio meant, and she'd have to go through the whole awkward rigamarole of telling him it's a character from Hamlet, and to ask his father for further details. [Late Show]
· Full House's Jodie Sweetin may have lost me to meth, but more importantly—how did she lose the baby weight?! [Dlisted]
· Ladies and gentlemen: Chace Crawford going down on a bottle of Bud. Yep, that's it. [Queerty]
· The guy who held up Sawyer and his wife at gunpoint in Hawaii was sentenced 13 to 30 years—unless he gets out first after Ben dislodges the Land-Mass-Disappearing Frozen Donkey Wheel of Doom and makes the prison disappear. [AP]
· X-Files: I Want To Believe just leaves us confused. Who's the guy with the stringy white hair in the trailer? Does Gillian Anderson's pregnancy figure in somehow? What's with the spotting on the poster? And finally, who greenlit this? [Yahoo Movies]

You know, there's more to Defamer's To Do's than bringing you, you know, things to do. While Molly McAleer likes to have fun as much (or probably even more) than the next vlogger, she's also interested in your well-being. Which brings us to Officer Bob, Defamer's official safety patrolman. He's been an important part of our day-to-day lives at Defamer HQ for some time now and, just recently, he helped Molls after a particularly frightening encounter in Koreatown. We have been assured that nothing makes Molly prouder than to do the honors of introducing him to the nation at large, and we have also been asked to let you know that Officer Bob is available to do motivational speeches at bar mitzvahs, retirement homes and summer camps. So, with that in mind, please enjoy tonight's installment!

So Liv Tyler just separated from her husband of five years and her Jolie-lipped father Steven Tyler just entered rehab for the 78th time, but in the most highly impressive of ways, the actress managed to avoid both lines of questioning during an interview with gay love lover Jay Leno by sweetly relaying stories of their incredibly “healthy” habits. After getting that boring "Oh My Gawd What Was It Like Having Your Dad Watch You Pole Dance At 16" story out of the way (nailed it, Jay!), Tyler paints a very Norman Rockwell-esque portrait of life at Casa Tyler as a child. Though we fear what the young Liv understood to be fatherly love was, in actuality, acid-tripping fatherly hallucinations involving trippy strings of floss. Watch and learn.

We hardly think it would be an overstatement to suggest that California is currently gripped with a severe case of Gay Marriage Fever, a rare condition whose only cure is bearing witness to thousands of fabulously over-the-top, same-sex nuptials. On the heels of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi's joyful announcement that they'd finally make official their loving halfway home to hundreds of our city's homeless mongrels, comes this AP report via ABCNews.com—the same news outlet who sensitively proclaimed, "Stars' Gay Marriage Possible Career Suicide" shortly following the ruling—detailing the whirlwind romance of newly engaged Hikaru "George Takei" Sulu and his totally hunkycakes fiancé, Brad Altman:

Browsing the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, we came across Steve Daly's survey of the modern spoiler, never more epidemic in the Internet age than on exterior shoots. And while some studios conceal their films' secrets by burning the entire set and even the movies themselves to smoldering rubble, we tip our cap to the more creatively minded subterfuge happening on sets from Indiana Jones 4 to Gossip Girl to Sex and the City. That's not going to stop us, though, from giving away everything that happens in Daly's piece after the jump.

Another notable addition to the Diablo Files: Showtime has picked up The United States of Tara, ordering 12 episodes of the Steven Spielberg-produced comedy. If only there were some way to know what Diablo was thinking at this very moment—some live-feed into her brain that updates on the ones. Wait a second—there is! Sadly, however, she hasn't updated her Twitter account since Sunday, leaving us to approximate in 140 characters or less what her thoughts on this exciting development might be: "Salutations, Twit-hos! I'm now a TV show creator! That calls for raping a Krispy Kreme, methinks." [THR]

Because we at Defamer are fully committed to bringing together fans of seminal '80s teen comedies and Star Wars geeks in possession of both a Darth Vader mask and a burning need to get laid (of which there should be no shortage), we now pass on a personals ad, salvaged by a sharp-eyed Defamer reader before being snatched from the ether by an unseen hand and replaced with the dreaded "flagged for removal." It read:

Everything is truly coming up roses for gay love in California this spring. The state’s gay marriage ban was lifted, Ellen DeGeneres got down on one trousered knee, and tonight, everyone’s favorite homophobic “comic” Jay Leno will put on his gayest face, prove just how much he adores boys who like boys, and attend an actual same-sex group marriage rally. As E! quotes the event’s spokesperson, “He said that he is from Massachusetts and that the sky did not fall in their state when marriage equality became the law of the land there...He wants to impress upon everyone here in California that the sky will not fall here either.” Yes, Jay. The sky will not fall on California, but we some interested parties certainly hope it falls right on top of you. More details on the event (get your fucking tickets NOW!) and the gay community’s reaction, after the jump:

Sharon Stone continues to field the fallout of having weighed in at Cannes with some highly controversial armchair-theorizing about what might have caused the devastating earthquake that snuffed nearly Chinese 70,000 lives, many of them children. (Crux of her argument: It was the act of a vigilante Buddha.) After being dropped by Dior as the face of their Chinese marketing campaign, the actress and outspoken vagtivist has now been disinvited from the Shanghai International Film Festival: