The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent “collapse” outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her “lover” Heath Ledger’s sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinset’s more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyone’s most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasn’t shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosome’s differences are, and came up with three reasons why we don’t buy it.

The inevitable karmic payback for Fraggle Rock: The Movie is coming swift and severe at The Weinstein Company, where Harvey Weinstein is reduced to bringing in outsiders to get two of his long-delayed passion projects off the ground. Relativity Media appears ready to kick in at least half of Nine's $80 million budget, meaning the long-delayed, Daniel Day-Lewis/Nicole Kidman-starring musical will finally start shooting this fall.

In the ungoverned wilds of Chinese industry, where intellectual property is barely policed by the ineffectual People's Glorious Bureau of Familiar Western Faces and Poultry Grading, it's not an uncommon occurrence to stumble upon an A-list celebrity gracing the packaging of some 99¢ Only-store-bound product.

On the set of her latest film, Labor Pains, Lindsay Lohan ran into a different kind of pain at the craft service table. Earlier in the day, Lohan had over heard a couple crew members raving about the donuts; in particular, the apple fritters at the craft service table. Yet, by the time, Lohan managed to make her way to the craft services, all of the pastries were gone. She asked a P.A. where had all the donuts gone, but the P.A. shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know, but they were really awesome. I think Stan in the camera department might have half of an apple fritter. I can check for you." Lohan decided against sharing the donut and picked up an apple instead. Lohan said, "If I can't have the delicious sugary baked thing, then I guess I'll have the boring, somewhat healthy thing as a snack."

For some reason we are strangely obsessed with actress and reformed party girl Lindsay Lohan's totes heroic lesbian relationship. Maybe it's because we never saw it coming. Gay rumors just don't seem to affix themselves to female celebrities as much as they do to their hunky, becoiffed male counterparts (yoohooooo Chacey!) and she seemed to enjoy dating mens. Though maybe we should have detected some early signs. Look at the hungry gleam in the young actress's eyes as costar Rachel McAdams (where'd she go?) tells her a tale of Sapphistry in the 2004 film Mean Girls. Really, look at it! The video is above. If you need a more direct lesbian reading of the scene, you can read a revised transcript here. (Yes we realize that this is totally silly.)

We knew all about the Chinese warship fires, Daniel Craig finger severings and a few other violent tragedies to have recently befallen the sets of several high-profile film shoots. But we never quite thought of it as what one might classify as a trend, that three-to-a-bundle happenstance requiring pieces like the one in today's LA Times hinting stunt snafus are the newest, hottest, must-have Hollywood mishaps:

There's a reason publicists are accustomed to marking the star of Meet Dave on Hollywood guest lists as "Murphy, Eddie; +/- 1," and never was it more apparent than at yesterday's premiere, where the PG-13-ghettoized actor was a last-minute no-show. A frustrated insider took to the DataLounge message boards to vent:

The nuclear labor plume at left is presented a little closer to actual size this morning, the start of the first full day without the specter of strike hell exhaling waves of rancid breath over Hollywood. Not that AFTRA's ratification of its prime-time contract Monday evening vanquishes the SAG threat altogether; the 62.4% tally in favor of AFTRA's deal with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers suggests that while a strike vote might fail, SAG leadership convinced probably upwards of 10,000 AFTRA members to stand down in the pitched battle between unions.

Mariah Carey has gotten us through tough times with her song "We Belong Together." That's why it's so unfortunate to see her unwittingly star in the worst Photoshop job we've seen in a long time. "Her New Body," exclaims the Elle cover line. It certainly is! It's not even hers. Sure, she slimmed down—but not that much, as you'll see from our photo gallery. Also: her head has been re-attached to her body crookedly, making her resemble a Bobblehead. Come on, Elle: it's like you're not even trying. The many Photoshop horrorshows trotted out before the magazine-buying public is astounding for two reasons.

In case you haven't noticed, we have been having some trouble with our video player for the last few days. While the tech geeks back at the mothership continue to work on resolving the issues, we remain committed to bringing you nothing but the highest quality in Defamer To Do's. Fortunately, we were able to convince tonight's guest host, celebrity transvestite prostitute Lindsay Lohan, to take a few minutes out of her busy (and diamond-filled!) evening to upload tonight's installment onto YouTube for your viewing pleasure. And while we can't stand in support of her tasteless comments on the people she dubs "the handicaps", we think the novelty of seeing her riding the Metro should be enough to get you to watch the video over and over again. As always, tonight's listings can be found after the jump. Enjoy!

As the Daily Mirror reported yesterday, Lindsay Lohan's personal assistant/roommate/rough sex partner Samantha Ronson decided to give her bestest girlfriend one highly suggestive 22nd birthday gift: a Cartier diamond ring worth close to $22k. As these pictures show (closer look after the jump), Ronson picked up the pricey bauble on a sunny shopping trip with Lindsay over the weekend, and Lohan didn't waste any time slipping the ring on the one finger where rings mean anything — the treacherous inch of skin on a girl's left hand traditionally reserved for engagement gems. But this isn't the first time Lindsay and Sam have projected their love via hand decor, and judging by the way this couple handled their first Promise Ring engagement, we're worried Sam doesn't know what we do: sentimental jewelry is not the way to Lindsay's (still intact!) heart...

Yaz is back. And no, we're not talking about the birth control pill. Rather, we're referencing the new wave duo from the early `80s whose synth heavy anthems like "Situation" and "Don't Go" are still getting spins on radio and in the clubs. Featuring the lusty vocals of blue-eyed soul singer Alison Moyet and the beats of original Depeche Mode songwriter Vince Clarke, Yaz put out two albums before splitting in 1983. Though they never quite infiltrated the U.S. culturally the way their contemporaries like The Cure and Depeche Mode did, they did manage to gained themselves a cult following with an influential and loyal group of fans: the gays.

Good news to share with you, the loyal Defamer readership, on this Tuesday night. We are excited to announce a new addition to the Defamer staff, Miss Tricia Romano. Broadly speaking, Tricia will be filing an item or so a day for us, focusing mainly on the cultural and nightlife beat. But instead of me prattling on, I'll turn it over to Tricia to introduce herself...

The Stanley Cup—aka Canada's Holy Grail, from which, legend has it, one sip of Labatt Blue renders the drinker immortal—took some time off from its current damnation home in Detroit to take in some local sunshine and glamour. Starting in Manhattan Beach at the home of former San Jose Shark Brad Stuart, the cup then bounced into its rental (a convertible Sebring) and hightailed it down to Chris Chelios's place in Malibu. It stopped for breakfast at Coogie's Beach Café, where a cup-struck Rob Reiner bashfully approached it and requested a photograph. But it was once it arrived at Bally's gym owner John Wildman's annual Fourth of July party that it really started getting caught up in the Hollywood fast lane, rubbing handles with the likes of Detroit's own Kid Rock, David Spade, Cuba Gooding Jr., Ray Liotta, and Jeremy Piven. The Stanley Cup Journal blog reports:

Anne Hathaway's long road back from her oily-boyfriend, dog-abandoning private hell had one final hurdle Monday: The Italian premiere of Get Smart, where Raffaello Follieiri's compatriots bared their red-carpet fangs at the actress — who apparently, despite her ever-expansive doe eyes, didn't see it coming. Thank God, though, Steve Carell was there, defying his typecast incompetence in his helpless co-star's service:

While attempting to recreate Nadal-Federer Wimbledon finale, popular celebrity couple Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong got into bit of a tiff. During the match, Hudson changed who she wanted to be; first, she was Federer, but then she wanted to be Nadal when she remembered that Nadal won the match. Armstrong said that you have to stick with the person you picked before sending a hard and fast serve towards Hudson. Hudson walked off the court and told Armstrong that he always wins and it'd be nice if she got to win for once. Armstrong thought for a moment and told Hudson that she can win this match, but she can't tell anybody.

Madonna's epic reputation as a racy, sexual icon who lives life with "no regrets" has encountered a few speed bumps in recent years. The transition from Material Girl to Earth Mother circa Ray Of Life in 1998 marked the most significant rupture to her free-wheeling Erotica-encapsulated days of drugs, sex, and whispered rock 'n roll, an "epiphany" she credited to Kabbalah. But after the ethereal schtick grew tired, the older but not necessarily wiser Madge launched a campaign to reclaim her It Girl Woman cred by slipping Christina and Britney some tongue, spreading her legs for Hard Candy, and using that handy Husband Emasculation method perfected by Katherine Heigl to resurrect her old identity as a shockworthy icon of sorts. And after hearing just what kind of "sordid" revelations await us in her estranged brother's tell-all memoir Life With My Sister Madonna, we don't think Madge's reps should even bother issuing a denial about Christopher Ciccone's book. Anecdotes about same-sex makeout sessions, drug parties with studio execs, and straight-edge Guy Ritchie's alleged "homophobic" tendencies, all of which actually add up to a convincing pro-Madonna campaign...

And just as we anticipated, Gunther and Naked Guy holding out on the rumored Friends reunion movie has unraveled the project completely, with various cast members now saving face by acting like it was never in the cards to begin with: "'Nothing is happening in this regard,' said Matthew Perry's rep in a statement. 'The rumor is false.' This sentiment was echoed by David Schwimmer's publicist, who said, 'there's been no discussion about it.' And dealing the final blow to the rumor was a rep for Jennifer Aniston, who said that his client was unaware of any such project, and who questioned by she would have any interest in revisiting her sitcom days." [OK]

Box-office bombs and Barbarella casting crises aside, we hear today that the Robert Rodriguez Girlfriend Roundelay may have simply been too crowded for Rose McGowan to keep her place during the couple's bust-up. A tipster sends word that Rodriguez has moved on to 22-year-old Kat Dennings, the Charlie Bartlett ingenue currently shooting Shorts with the filmmaker in Austin; the duo has reportedly been seen at locales around town — including Rodriguez's hot tub, we're told — but for all we know that could just be a bit of refreshment after a long, midsummer day under the scorching Texas sun.