Barbra/Bush AwkwardWatch: On the eve of her command performance at an Obama fundraiser at the Regent Beverly Wilshire, Barbra Streisand has learned she's been made a Kennedy Center Honoree, which involves a reception at the White House, then sitting in a balcony just inches away from President George W. Bush as she relives her life in variety show form. To make things even more awkward, ABC News also points out that this will come two months after "Streisand's stepson, Josh Brolin, hits theaters playing Bush in the Oliver Stone-directed biopic W." Oh, can't we set aside our petty differences just one night to bliss out to the underrated sex appeal of Marvin Hamlisch, people? [ABC News]

· True Blood's premiere drew just 1.44 million viewers—about a half-million better than Tell Me You Love Me, but 2 million short of what John From Cincinnati managed to score in its slot following The Sopranos's series finale. We haven't watched it yet, because we find vampires annoying. Enough with the biting and the capes, already! [LAT]
· "The expression I use is that a 747 can't make a sharp right turn," says studio head Katherine Pope about the dilemma of attracting new viewers to NBC's Life after the show's truncated first season. However, a 747 can make a sharp downward turn, tailspin, then crash and burn. Let's hope Life doesn't. We liked it. [Variety] · Patricia Heaton and Treat Williams will star as the real world parents of a child with Tourette Syndrome in CBS MOW Front of the Class. Instead of swear words and racial epithets, however, the student in the TV version will involuntarily shout out Jell-O flavors. [THR] · Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinksi re-team for Rango, a motion-capture CG animated film about a "pet who goes on an adventure." [Variety] · Val Kilmer, Armand Assante, and Eric Roberts have been cast in indie thriller The Steam Experiment, about "six people trapped and terrorized in an urban Turkish bathhouse," pitched to investors of "Hostel with shvitzing." [THR]

In the annals of Bravo catchphrases, there are those that hit ("Make it work!") and those that miss (like Jonathan Adler's sheepish "See you later, decorator" from Top Design). Still, an oft-repeated turn of phrase is the one accessory no Bravo star can be without, and so it goes for stylist Rachel Zoe, whose docu-series The Rachel Zoe Project premiered on the channel last night. Whether faced with a beautiful pair of shoes or the terrifying orange head of top American designer Michael Kors, Zoe has one stock response: "I die." With the help of Molly McAleer, we've assembled a rapid-fire montage of each "I die" uttered in the series premiere. Is it simply a self-fulfilling prophecy given the stylist's skeletal frame, or do its multiple intended uses presage the fashion world's version of "Aloha"? [Bravo]

The VMAs tend to be known for their feuds, whether it's Madonna vs. Courtney Love, Kid Rock vs. Tommy Lee, or Michael Jackson vs. his overwhelming fear of Lisa Marie Presley's pursed lips. This year's ceremony was no different, though the anger came from an unexpected source: American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, who overstepped a line while defending the Jonas Brothers' purity, declaring, "It's not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut." This implication of an either/or sexual ultimatum prompted an outcry from the historically ribald music world, with elder stateswoman Courtney Love prescribing an unorthodox remedy of "pussy and some cock" and the Jonas Brothers themselves laying hands on salacious host Russell Brand to forgive him. Now, in an interview with EW, Sparks clarifies her controversial words:

With most of the industry having seen what it came for and Jeremy Piven having released his date(s) back into the Canadian wild, the 2008 Toronto Film Festival is all but over. But, as befits the event's stature, the whirlwind since our last Toronto Hell round-up deserves a closer look — from the Paris Hilton doc you'll never see again to Kevin Smith literally keeping Zack and Miri's shit together, enjoy the news others traveled thousands of miles for from the comfort of your own industrial slave galley: · Paris, Not France premiered Tuesday night, with its subject in attendance as promised and with a letter from its beleaguered sales agent reportedly making the rounds beforehand:

Is He On The Meal Plan?: Not since Jake Gyllenhaal was chased down the halls of the Butler Library by a mob of screaming frosh students screaming, "It's that kid from October Skyyyyyy!!!" has the Columbia campus been so gripped by an outbreak of Bookish Matinee Idol Fever:"'[James Franco] was studying in the school's Butler Cafe the other night when a crowd gathered, "particularly the type of ridiculous, squealing freshman girl . . . all harassing the poor guy,' writes student Vesal Yazdi in the Columbia Spectator. '[They] were shameless enough to literally go right up to him...Do a bit of subtle ogling, but don't stand around the entrance like a pack of starving vultures." [Page Six]

We needed something to bleach the image of Julianna Margulies's privates off our cortex, and what better psychic disinfectant than some exclusive footage from Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi's recent nuptials. Both brides look stunning—their vaginas safely stowed away somewhere where guests and hovering helicopters would never see them. We were particularly moved by the moment Ellen first laid eyes on Portia emerging in full hair, makeup, and gown, a sight that could turn even the most ardent of penis-enthusiasts into card-carrying members of the American Association of Lipstick Lesbians. [Ellen]

Though he's served as an effective political mouthpiece for both Cindy McCain and Michelle Obama, there's one woman in politics who Matt Damon refuses to get behind, and her name is Sarah Palin. In a new interview with the AP, Damon eviscerates the Republican VP candidate, calling her pick "absurd" and a "disaster," and comparing the idea that she could ascend to the presidency to a "really bad Disney movie."Most pressing to Damon, though, is whether Palin believes that dinosaurs actually walked the earth before man, or if their bones were simply littered as surprise gifts for Adam and Eve by a mischievous Supreme Being. Take notes, Charles Gibson! When will someone finally confront Sarah Palin and ask her why she fired all the dinosaurs in Alaska? UPDATE: Gawker overlord Nick Denton ran the numbers, and it turns out that Matt Damon's statement that "there is a 1 out of 3 chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term" wasn't quite accurate. The chances are more like 15%. How you like them apples?

Washing and braiding and overstyling that man right out of her hair, cover girl Anne Hathaway offered W Magazine her most candid interview yet about the travails of her relationship with Rafaello Follieiri. But for all the catalogged heartbreak and homelessness anecdotes and advice gleaned here from her de facto Italian publicist Steve Carell, we're taken even more aback by Hathaway's stirring candor about rebounding on the job — when she's not chewing off her director's head:

At the Toronto Film Festival screening of Che, beloved actress Rachel McAdams served as the unofficial ambassador of her native country, Canada. She got the idea when she remembered all of the difficulties she had adjusting to American customs and culture on the set of The Hot Chick in 2002. As she sees it, McAdams' role is to help American film stars become acclimated to the more laid back Canadian lifestyle. McAdams said, "There's not a lot of difference between Canada and America, but if people are confused, they shouldn't hesitate to text me." McAdams handed out pamphlets that featured a metric system conversion chart, as well as a collection of vegan donut shops personally curated by McAdams.

· We know kindred Staffordshire Bull Terrier-in-pantyhose spirits when we see them. [The View] · The Borat driving instructor and etiquette school teacher lawsuits have been tossed by a New York judge. [AP] · The new David Archuleta video for his single "Crush" is kind of awesome, in that it never quite identifies which of these attractive boys and girls splashing around in a lake Archie is actually crushing on. Ah, Archie—Idol will never be the same without ya. [YouTube via Towleroad] · At long last, Yo Gabba Gabba has its website. Gather round, potheads children! It's time for your Biz Markie Beat of the Day! [Yo Gabba Gabba] · Please brace yourselves for the World's Most Inappropriate Kiddie Park Slide. [WOW Report]

Voilà, Bond fanatics: the second trailer for Quantum of Solace, consisting of approximately 45,000 strung-together microshots that keep cutting to black for maximum seizure-inducing effect. What can we glean from the snippets on display? Apparently, the dude from The Diving Bell and the Butterfly has made a miraculous recovery, but all those frozen years in a wheelchair have made him extremely bitter, transforming him into a Bond supervillain. Jeffrey Wright can imbue even lines like, "James, move your ass," with a stirring gravitas. Daniel Craig still looks excited about his new body. And Olga Kurylenko plays the "beautiful but feisty Camille," who makes up for her lack of naughty-homonym name by mastering that tricky combo of threatening/icy/bangable that is truly the hallmark of every great Bond girl.

Purity Ratings: Though this year's chaste edition of the MTV Video Music Awards couldn't boast a must-see trainwreck on the level of Britney Spears's 2007 performance, it still outrated that telecast by 15% in MTV's 12-34 target demo (it beat the 2006 edition by a whopping 41%, and averaged 8.4 million total viewers overall). In fact, according to Broadcasting & Cable, the VMAs telecast was the highest-rated cable show in that demo so far this year. Just think how many more viewers could have been retained without the weirdly shot, one-joke Jonah Hill intro! [Broadcasting & Cable]

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Going Full Fair. We've already had our day of fun at the L.A. County Fair this past Saturday, but if you stop by tomorrow, make sure to check out the Pepper Street Stage at noon. It will play host to a whole array of planned "Activities for Retarded Children & Adults," which you'll either want to check out, or picket, depending upon which side of the Simple Jack controversy you fall. [LA County Fair]

In recent weeks, rumors that Philip Seymour Hoffman would play the Penguin in the next Batman installment have become so widespread that even Michael Caine began to repeat them as fact (claiming that he first read of them in a newspaper, then confirmed the rumors with a WB executive). However, if Hoffman is soon to don a monocle and top hat, this is the first he's heard of it (and he's totally going to miss his call time). Speaking to MTV News at the Toronto Film Festival, Hoffman said that much like a persistent archvillain, the Penguin rumor is one that reappears to torment him every few years:

So delighted was Ben Affleck with the Pick-Me-Up™ African Boys' Choir Bouquet thoughtfully sent to him by a handler before the Gone Baby Gone's premiere, the actor sent a similar arrangement to lifelong friend and Oscar-custody-sharer Matt Damon, in honor of the birth of Damon's new baby daughter, Gia. Each colorfully adorned singer is hand-picked, last up to two full weeks, and is sure to brighten any room of the house.

While we have all read our fair share of scathing hate mail over the years, the sheer vitriol and unhinged nature of some of the pissed-off Harry Potter fans really resonated with us this morning. So much so that we gave our very own Molly McAleer the very difficult assignment of laying out a 5-Point Plan on how to best reduce the seething anger of the Harry Potter nation. Fortunately for not only our nation but our world, we think she succeeded. Watch tonight's To Do video and spread the word, people. It may be our only hope.· Mogwai @ The Wiltern. · A Bronx Tale @ the Wadsworth Theater. · Trippin On Tuesday @ The Comedy Store.

Hollywood's growing political skirmishes have savagely overtaxed our Defamer Decides '08 bureau over the last 24 hours, with the Oprah Winfrey/Sarah Palin fallout still flowing over the transom and even the formidable presence of Chuck Norris on Fox promoting his unique, Palin-proud brand of "black belt patriotism." Indeed, writes Anchorman/Step Brothers filmmaker (and occasional Huffington Post contributor) Adam McKay, the post-GOP Convention hangover is a potent one — or even potentially fatal, now that McCain has closed the gap on Obama. To which the saturnine scribe reacted with a deep gaze into his crystal ball and a reality check heard 'round the world: "We're Gonna Frickin' Lose This Thing":

Can't a network game show gather muscular, waxed contestants together anymore without one of them having a notorious gay porn past? Hot on the heels of the American Gladiator who was revealed to be more familiar with the joust than originally thought, Fox's bizarre new game show Hole in the Wall premiered on Sunday with a face that should be familiar to customers of the gay porn website Sean Cody. Dubbed "Ajay" during his stint in the skin trade, Hole introduced him as Aaron Savvy, member of the Six Pack team. Then, after being asked, "Are you ready to face the hole?" Savvy and his personal trainer teammate had to navigate advancing walls with perilous shapes cut in them, forcing the duo to assume positions not put into use since "Ajay & Spence Flip-Flop." Does Savvy make it into the holes intact? Let's just say he has better luck at his day job. [After Elton]