Grey's Anatomy finally entered the final phase of its gaywashing yesterday, disposing of Brooke Smith's Dr. Hahn in a scene as muddled and incoherent as Smith's actual firing.Hahn and her on-screen love interest, Sara Ramirez's Callie, had only one scene where they discussed their same-sex leanings, and it came near the end of the show. The exchange started in classic Grey's "This hospital issue is really about our relationship!"-speak before devolving into...well, we don't know exactly. It appears that Hahn gets mad at the somewhat reluctant Callie and says, "You can't kind of be a lesbian," which is awfully tough talk for a character who just realized she was a lesbian in the last episode. "I don't know you at all," Hahn continues, before storming off into the parking lot (where she is presumably flown back to her home planet on a rocket ship booby-trapped by worried ABC executives).

· HBO has paid "low seven figures" for U.S. TV rights to Amy Rice and Alicia Sams' (pictured) documentary about the Obama campaign, in production since 2006 under Edward Norton's Class 5 Films. "We believe this film will capture a tipping point in American history, when a new generation of leadership emerged and old prejudices were finally vaulted over," Norton said, adding, "Obama smaaaaaash!" [Variety] · What took so long? 2007 comedy Death At A Funeral is finally getting the remake it's been begging for, only this one is set to star Chris Rock and will be moved from pastoral England to "an urban American setting." But who will play the deceased's father's achondroplastic gay lover? We're thinking Tony Cox. [Variety] · Warners has bought the rights to the LAT's series "Tales From the Gangster Squad," about '40s-era L.A. mobster wars. [Variety] After the jump: Lost finally gets the new series regular who'll explain everything.· 24's Reiko Aylesworth has now joined the cast of Lost, while Amy Price-Francis has joined 24. [THR] · Disney reported $37.8 billion in revenue this year, due in no small part to 2 million sales of the Tinker Bell: Faerie Jailbait Killing Machine DVD. [THR] · Dylan McDermott will star in TNT pilot The Line, from Jerry Bruckheimer, about LAPD cops who "walk the line between doing their job and being seduced by easy money." [THR]

Though the deaths of Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother, and nephew spawned some iffy reactions from celebrity streetwalker New York and an enterprising maker of bedside shotgun racks, neither could have prepared us for the, uh, less-than-tactful way that Hudson's sister Julia has been updating her Myspace.Despite the fact that her estranged husband is still the prime suspect in the murders (and may be free as soon as Monday), Julia has added new pictures that showcase her partying with friends, as well as a picture of her late brother captioned, "NOW THAT JASON'S GONE I'M THE PRETTIEST ONE." There's also this picture of Julia with American Idol's Fantasia Barrino:

We're hearing today about a script setting a new land-speed circulation record among directors' agents, and why not: Who wouldn't savor the chance to have something called The Beaver on their resume? It's just a bonus that Steve Carell is attached, and that he spends all his time with his hand inside said beaver. What could go wrong?In what's being referred to as a "winning, whimsical" story splitting the difference between Being John Malkovich and Lars and the Real Girl, Carell would portray a man who develops a close relationship with a beaver hand puppet, "treating it as something close to a human creature with human feelings." Every studio around wants it, but producer Anonymous Content is waiting to land a director before actively shopping the project. On that front, Jay Roach has already turned it down, while other candidates' replies await. Obviously, of course, this sounds like a job for Brett Ratner, whose string of hits speaks for itself and whose finely honed sense of metaphor can only enhance to the multidimensionality of the title character. That is a DVD commentary we would pay good money to hear.

Hike! For some reason, daughter forgetter Ashton Kutcher has spent the last year assistant coaching the Harvard-Westlake freshman football team, a duty that mostly involves protecting them from the advances of hungry cougar Demi Moore. Yet, the kids are not all right. "The kids want him gone," a source tells Star. "They think he doesn't know what he's talking about and can't stand his tough-guy attitude." The high-schoolers have even nicknamed him "Ashton Doucher." Kids today! Back in our day, "Asston" would have been the no-brainer. [Star]

Amazingly, Norm Coleman's wafer-thin lead over Al Franken in Minnesota's Senate race continues to erode, with the latest numbers suggesting the former SNL star now trails his Republican foe by exactly one-half vote. (The single ballot bears a crescent moon inside a GOP circle, accompanied by the perplexing message, "It's Norm Tonight!"). In other celebrity-career-change news, Val Kilmer—yes, the Val Kilmer, soon to be seen as a Dorff-hunting mercenary out to avenge the assassination of a President Palin-alike in an NBC movie of the week—has informed Pomeranian-herding gossipsaur Cindy Adams that he plans on running for the governorship of New Mexico:

Yes, we know, Sherri Shepherd used to think the earth was flat, and thus, we never should have put too much stock in her opinions. Still, it was hard, America! She really appeared to be trying, often showing up with research, shouting down false statements made by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and then finally earning our affection with a tremendously affecting Obamalogue this past Wednesday. Sadly, the good times could not last, as Shepherd wandered back into the wilds of ignorance for today's View discussion of Proposition 8.Without Joy Behar around to rebut her, Shepherd ran rampant, tossing out right-wing talking points about the proposition (which took away the marriage rights awarded to gay Californians) like they were so many Sherri coins. First, she insists that without Prop 8, her pastor could have been sent to jail for preaching against homosexuality. Either she's referring to Swedish pastor Ake Green who was convicted, then acquitted of "hate speech" (under, y'know, Swedish laws) and became a religious cause celebre, or she's bringing up the falsehood that churches would be sued for not performing same-sex marriage. Just like they get sued so much when Jews want to marry in the Mormon temple! Oh wait, that doesn't happen. Barbara Walters attempts a weak rebuttal, but the audience is on Sherri's side. Eventually, even Whoopi concedes that if civil unions were strengthened until they reached a point that seems awfully separate but equal to our ears, maybe the gays would be happy and stop fighting so much. Or not! Clip above.

It's been a very busy Oprah week, between the Obama victory, her much-hyped appearance on last night's 30 Rock as (spoiler alert) a sleep-aid-induced hallucination at 30,000 feet, and, of course, her ongoing supervision at the Oprah Winfrey Favorite Thing Research Institute in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, where the rigorous testing of alpaca foot warmers and self-battering waffle makers never ends. Somehow, she still manages to find time to tape her flagship show, though that occasionally requires some creative scheduling—particularly when your guest is Brad Pitt. On the show yesterday for an episode scheduled to air Nov. 18th, one half of the kiddie-wrangling global phenomenon known as Brangelina sat down for a lengthy Oprahside chat to promote The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. These Boots Are Made For Stalking penetrated the taping, and share every Pax-peeing anecdote and nervous, off-camera Pitt-fidget:

We think we might have found Bad Lieutenant's successor for Unholiest Hollywood Remake: Steven Spielberg and Will Smith may partner to adapt the ultraviolent Korean revenge flick Oldboy for American audiences. DreamWorks will produce, Universal will distribute and Smith will reportedly star as a man seeking payback after 15 years of kidnapped captivity. And we will reserve judgment, though we have at least three good reasons not to.Perhaps Smith is just looking for a new screen challenge after mastering his simulated-sex technique, but the kinetic bloodletting of director Chan-wook Park's original — which came one Michael Moore doc shy of winning the Cannes Film Festival in 2003 — won't likely wash with the mainstream. And the watering-down of legendary set pieces like those above won't make friends with the genre geeks lunging into Universal City today with pitchforks and torches. Also, [SPOILER ALERT] Americans don't do incest subplots and ambiguous endings. These aren't exactly tweakable story factors in Oldboy, though perhaps Spielberg can turn Smith's daughter into an alien in some third-act reveal that dazzles us into FX submission. Again, fellas, take our benefit of the doubt, just don't make us regret sharing it. Either way, we know Smith doesn't do live squid (link NSFW), and a California roll just won't be the same. We've changed our mind: Stop this remake.

Now that our nation has gone and elected a popular black man with no clear signs of dementia as president, it's obvious that our Crisis Of Comedy is a most vital public issue. Nerdy white comedians have no idea how to make fun of Obama! Never fear. We reached out to Jordan Carlos—professional comedian, Stephen Colbert's black friend, and a guy we once tried to assert (unsuccessfully) would be a better Saturday Night Live Obama impersonator than Fred Armisen—for his take on the future of Obama comedy. Exclusive Jordan Carlos Analytical Comedic Essay Below! Barack: This Dude Even Changed Comedy Tuesday By Jordan Carlos The political balance of power may not have been the only thing that shifted Tuesday. The world of comedy got a bit of a shake up too. Though it's difficult to predict the misty future with any certainty, Obama's win does beg a couple of obvious questions; namely, "Do Black comedians have much to complain about anymore?" Now before you tear my nuts off for asking this, let me say I'm just raising this extreme question for the sake of argument. I don't actually think Black people don't have anything to complain about anymore, though cabs were remarkably easier to come by yesterday in the city. But things have changed—and who are many comedians of color, if not people who point to the old saw of differences between white and Black and all the hi-larious inequalities surrounding those differences? Remove that brand of humor from the mix, and what's left for Black comedians to fall back on? Plenty, of course. The world is full of comedic opportunity. But it will be intriguing to see how audiences will respond when a Black comic moans about the everyday racial politics he or she faces when a Black person holds the highest office in the land. For anyone who can do an impression of Obama, congrats! Your stock just went through the friggin roof! Bush impersonators, report to your local soup kitchen or shanty town. Obama impersonators are guaranteed at least 4 years of career opportunity. For me, a fairer-skinned black dude with newly close-cropped hair and larger-than-average ears, things are looking up. I've already been able to do my impression for TV (once on Headline News and once on a Japanese morning TV show – Yeah, I know. What the F?) and I look forward to at least four more years of it. Though I was asked by the folks at Gawker to give my take on Fred Armisen's impression of Obama, I'm gonna have to pass. Other art forms encourage a lover's quarrel among artists – boisterous roundtables and bustling salons, etc. — comedy, not so much. Take it from me, comics are a sensitive bunch – me more than most (we're not talking Kanye West levels here, but you get where I'm going with this). We want to be liked (obveeez!!!). Did I dance around that enough? You can watch my Obama impression here, OK? [Ed.: And also here] I think the existential question of what comedians can complain about now is shared by not only Black comedians, but also the good folks at The Daily Show and Real Time with Bill Maher. They got what they wanted, right? So now what? Feast on Obama like they did Bush? That would be kinda weird. Recently on his show Bill Maher declared a new rule: that President-elect "Obama must give comedians something to work with." When questioned about this statement by America's favorite old man, Larry King, Maher said, "But look, [Obama]'s going to be the president and we're going to have to get over our nervousness about making fun of a Black person. He's not a black person. He's the president." OK, Maher lost me at the whole, "he's not a black person" bit, but you get what he's trying to say. Eventually ALL comedians are going to have to take off the kid gloves and skewer the newly anointed commander in chief. How they do it will be something that I, for one, am interested to see. To me there's plenty you can make fun of when it comes to Obama: — Because of him the high concept movie about a jazzy black dude being president is dead and over. —People maybe just maybe expect too much from him. —He's got huge, honking ears. —You can make fun of the fact that it's hard to make fun of him. —You kind of have to do a lot of self-deceiving to back the guy (doesn't believe in gay marriage, tough on immigration, tosses friends when they become political liabilities – Rev. Wright, Ayers). —He may kinda owe Oprah a place in his cabinet. —Does Jesse Jackson still want to cut his nuts off like he said? And why the hell was he front-row Chicago victory rally after saying something like that? Obama must have known he said that. Where's my front row seat? I didn't call for castration. You could make sketches out of all that stuff and more if you've got the salt. You should always be able to laugh at your leaders – even if they're awesome people who happen to be Black. Click to view

Though Hillary Clinton was once seen as the inevitable pick in this year's presidential election, the first stain on her pantsuit may have come as early as February 2007, when gay mafia don/beach hog David Geffen broke ranks with the Clintons to endorse Barack Obama. "I don't think that another incredibly polarizing figure, no matter how smart she is and no matter how ambitious she is — and God knows, is there anybody more ambitious than Hillary Clinton? — can bring the country together," Geffen told New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd then, as his second assistant provided a helpful yes-man chorus of "Oh snap!" and "No she did not just say that!" Now, the LAT's Patrick Goldstein has caught up with Geffen to get his thoughts on Obama's once-unlikely victory, and Geffen dropped this tidbit about his own kingmaking ability:

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or intolerable this week at the movies. Another competitive fall weekend yields perhaps the season's biggest blockbuster alongside David Wain's studio breakthrough, not to mention choice candidates for the weekend's biggest disappointment and must-see indie gem. As always, our opinions are our own, but what can we say? We're just in a giving mood!WHAT'S NEW: Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa revives the DreamWorks zoo-animal-on-the-loose franchise this weekend in the hopes of pulling down as much as $60 million — which it might manage, considering High School Musical 3's slowed box-office pace in its third week. Universal deftly counterprogrammed David Wain's R-rated comedy Role Models, featuring Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott as would-be mentors to McLovin and a black kid whose best jokes you've probably already seen in the commercials. That shouldn't stop it from pulling down around $12.6 million while the screeching Madagascar throngs tear down the multiplex around it. Also opening:Stranded: I've Come From a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains, the reenactment-heavy doc about cannibal survivors of a 1972 plane crash in the Andes; the Holocaust drama The Boy in the Striped Pajamas; and the goth horror-musical Repo! The Genetic Opera. THE BIG LOSER: Maybe "loser" is too harsh an estimation of Soul Men's fate, but let's face it: If it weren't the final entry in both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes's filmographies, it wouldn't likely fare in the top five on any weekend outside the dumping grounds of January or August. But as cynical, posthumous curios go, it'll draw, coaxing up to $9.5 million and possibly cracking the top three. Whatever sells, we suppose.

· Today on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Will Smith joined Seven Pounds co-star Rosario Dawson to describe losing his movie-sex virginity. Shocker: It sounds like he enjoyed it! · Now this is a protest: Melissa Etheridge said today she'll cease paying state taxes until Proposition 8 is repealed. · Flopz, Guy, Flopz™: Madonna's directorial debut Filth and Wisdom has made only $18,000 since opening Oct. 17 in New York. · A $1,000, Leo DiCaprio-signed VHS copy of Titanic is just one of the many treasures that can be yours in the upcoming backruptcy auction of Dana Giacchetto, disgraced "Financial Adviser to the Stars." · If you had Joe for the win in your "First Jonas Brother to Knock Someone Up" pool, his ex regrets to inform you that you missed it by that much.

Back when Fox bought Joss Whedon's series pitch Dollhouse, the network bypassed the pilot stage and granted an immediate episode order in an attempt to speed the show onto the air with a minimum of speedbumps. Since then, though, the Eliza Dushku starrer has undergone cast shuffles, vicious network notes, episode reshoots, a set shutdown, and then, finally, a completely thrown-out premiere episode. Now, Fox has announced the latest, biggest setback, and it's one that even the former Faith may not be able to fight her way out of:

T.R. Knight was the first high-profile gay star to contribute to the "No on Prop. 8" cause, and he didn't simply stop there. The Advocate has just published a first-person piece by the actor in which he recounts the sometimes-stormy volunteering he did outside a polling place on Election Day. While holding up signs, Knight was met with a steady stream of Isaiah Washington-style invective, and he details the culprits:

· Madonna! Justin! Britney! Dodger! Stadium! Also: TV on the Radio at the Wiltern. · Hollywood Pin Up Girls present the Super Sexy Burlesque Show show at the El Cid. Va-va-voom! Are we right, fellas? · Judd Apatow Repertory Player Charlene Yi presents Charlyne Yi's Music Box at the UCB Theater, playing new songs she wrote solo or with friends. 9:30 p.m. Stick around for Naked Babies improv at 11.

It's time now for everyone's favorite late-afternoon mini-mystery, aka a blind item guessing game. Today's comes to us from EW's Michael Ausiello, who broke the Grey's Anatomy CallicaGate story, and so who knows from TV set histrionics. On this particular "sophomore drama," "all the stars have the disposition of Linda Blair pre-exorcism."

Hopefully, you'll be too busy hitting the streets to watch anything tonight, but with Oprah in primetime you'll have 30 minutes to rest before taking it to the man again. WATCH 30 Rock [9:30 PM, NBC] - Liz (Tina Fey) hassles divinity-star Oprah for personal advice on a trip back from Chicago. Jenna (Jane Krakowski) and Tracy (Tracy Morgan) trade places to see whose life is worse. Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) puts Jack's (Alec Baldwin) value system to the test. Our expectations for Obama are pretty high, but that's nothing compared to our dreams for this episode. Help us, Liz Lemon! You're Ben Silverman's only hope!

Why So Audacious? Perhaps we spoke too soon about the tenuous connection between The Dark Knight and The President-Elect, as we've just stumbled upon this Obama-evoking Joker design from artist James Lillis. It's no DJ AM, but it'll do. Click through for full-size. [/film]

We find ourselves absentmindedly doodling pictures of littlest karaoke soldier David Archuleta in the margins of our publishing software, wiling away these final days until his totally-going-to-blow-Cook-out-of-the-water debut LP drops. But listen, Archie—our little shaved koala, our 300-lb. gospel powerhouse in the body of a 17-year-old Mormon twink—the times, they are a-changin', but not a-quite fast enough. You've already begun to do your part, releasing a catchy single called "Crush" whose video remains titillatingly unspecific about which of the several boys splashing around in a lake you secretly want to take Christmas Tree shopping. But things are escalating.Your fanbase is bum rushing your houses of worship, hoisting placards demanding back their pillaged civil rights with the very hands that feverishly dialed in your 1-866-IDOLS number during your own moment of need. Only one child can bring these two sides together. The One. The Archie. Just leave your father at home, and remember what we always told you: song choice, song choice, song choice. Now what are you waiting for—a sign in some cornfield? Go save the world, kiddo! We're counting on you!