What you can't see in this amazing gallery of unhappy people at Disney World: bitter, lame-duck CEO Michael Eisner trying to sabotage his Orlando operation by sneaking around and jabbing park visitors in the genitals with a salad fork as their pictures are snapped. He'll hit his Anaheim fun-factory next week.
The Hollywood Reporter sits down with fresh-faced Fox head Peter Liguori to discuss his first week at his new gig, predecessor Gail Berman's legacy, and the creative culture of his network:
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let the world know that George Clooney is a very, very handsome man.
· We're linking to the THR story about yesterday's Universal shake-up (yeah, we know, it's old news) instead of Var's because they have a hotter pic of Mary Parent on the front page of their website. [THR]
· Mark Wahlberg is in negotiations to play Eagles-fan-turned-Eagles-player Vince Papale for Disney, in the soon to be renamed Invincible. It's just like Rudy, but with lucrative NFL tie-ins! [Variety]
· Melanie Griffith will get to show off her comedy chops and remaining control of her facial muscles as a member of the cast of a Kohan-Mutchnick comedy pilot for the WB, the tentatively- titled Our Will & Grace Lightning Will Strike Twice, We Promise. [THR]
· Fresh off a winning turn as a tone-deaf, angry Moses here in LA, Val Kilmer signs up for a theatrical version of The Postman Always Rings Twice in London's West End. [Variety]
· The Masters and the NCAA Tournament might help CBS threaten Fox's American Idol-powered hegemony in the key 18-49 demographic. Expect Fox to announce plans to run Idol three times a night from now until the end of the ratings period. [Variety]
Attention employees on the Fox lot: Hopefully you've already filled your bellies with the latest inspired creation of your co-workers in marketing, the stacks of "Pam Cakes" offered at the Commissary and New Cafe to celebrate the premiere of the sitcom that's not exclusively about Pamela Anderson's rack, for the offer will have expired by the time you read this. If you missed out on the breakfast, don't panic. You'll have a second chance at lunch, where the intramural promotion fun will continue in a somewhat more literal (and healthy!) fashion, with a delicious melons-with-cherries-on-top bar.
We apologize to those of you who forwarded us copies of William Morris bigwig Steve "Ten Percent of the Reese Witherspoon Space" Dontanville's highly amusing e-mail announcing his retirement from The Life yesterday. Between the shockwaves at Universal and the shocking—shocking!—revelations about the disposition of a certain pop-star's uterus, we lost track of what's really important—properly chronicling the cute goodbye notes of an agent who's putting himself out to pasture. Here it is, and make sure you read through to the end.
· Greatest. Petty. Thefts. Ever.
· Even at the end of his life, it was rumored that the Pope could bench 350.
· "Third rule of Desperate Housewives Fight Club, someone yells, 'Bitch! You're in my light!'?? Oh, it's on."
· Pantheon Zeus is unhealthily obsessed with the idea of Rosie O'Donnell portraying a retarded person. We're going to spare you the e-mails.
· We have just one question about this: Was it a skull or a full head? Because if it was an entire head, there might've been some embalming fluid in there, and we all know how awesome that combination is. OK, two questions: Whatever happened to using an apple or a Coke can with holes punched in it?
· CalArts hosts a roundtable discussion on What Makes a Great Magazine? at the Redcat with panelists from Hearst Magazines, Giant Robot, and the LAT. Nod knowingly when some guy from Maxim thrusts his hand in the air, grunting, "Ooh, ooh, B-list actresses in bikinis make a great magazine!"
· Enjoy an evening of watching shorts and clips of movies offering "creative resistance and political pranking" at "Blows Against the Empire" at Sponto Gallery in Venice to help wash that stale Spears taste from your mouth.
· Tired of your comedy having that insidious, namby-pamby, lefty bent? M Bar hosts Right Wing Comedy Night at Comedy Death-Ray, with Matt Besser, Greg Proops, and other comics who'd probably like to strangle Janeane Garofalo.
We break from today's onslaught of studio-related news to bring you this quick-hitting fashion critique of one of Hollywood's hackiest directors, who was unlucky enough to gas up next to a reader who's got an eye for style:
Today's upheaval at Universal has already shaken loose an interesting rumor (obviously, we can't confirm it) that we're happy to pass along for cheerful discussion. If the lovingly-rendered graphic accompanying this post didn't already tip you off, we've heard chatter that Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's Imagine Entertainment is going to dump Universal for Brad Grey's talent-chasing loose wallet at the New Paramount™. At the risk of being trite: Good times.
We love it when celebrities loudly conduct their important business calls in public. It fills the air with the happy noise of the commerce that makes our little city go, go, go, and helpfully alerts all within earshot that Someone Important is nearby and Getting Things Done. We love it even more when a reader records snippets of those conversations for the public record. You'll have to continue on after the jump for the pay-off, because everything's more fun when it's a guessing game.
The rumor that's burning up our inbox like the proverbial unchecked blaze in a dry, wooded area is that changes are imminent at Universal, where we hear vice-chairmen tag-team Scott Stuber and Mary Parent are out* for the classic "producing deal," and Donna Langley is in as president of production. Of course, we're always the last to know these things, and the entire town was probably already bored of the story by the time they scalded their assistants with their second cup of coffee this morning.
· Hollywood's out-of-work writers are given a ray of hope as scripted series seem to be selling at this year's Mip TV market in Cannes. Pull your heads out of the ovens and start wistfully browsing the WGA health plan brochure, boys, help may be on the way. [Variety]
· More Mip: "Not so fast, Yankees!" says some German media mogul we've never heard of. "Most of your puny American shows don't carry the market share that my powerful broadcasting company requires, and the DVD format has changed the game. Sprechen to the hand, Hollywood! I am so angry I've lost all command of my mother tongue!" [THR]
· Les Moonves brings to bear his infernal powers on the Masters, rigging it for an exciting Tiger Woods win, and boosting the ratings for CBS. [Variety]
· Riffling through the junk drawer of pilot casting, we discover that Shannen Doherty is in negotiations to star in the UPN comedy pilot Wingwoman. [THR]
· Alfre Woodard joins the cast of Desperate Housewives for next season, as a "seemingly normal" woman who eventually learns to despise Teri Hatcher for all of the media attention she receives as a stand-in for the show's fine ensemble cast. [Variety]
It's nice to see that Hilary Swank is using the spoils of fame to keep perennially emasculated hubby Chad Lowe a productive member of society in between infrequent acting gigs. From Variety:
In the normal course of the business day (such that it is in Defamer HQ, where we've been awake for two hours but still can't find our pants), we'd probably quickly skim our way through a newspaper piece on a relatively mundane subject like the corporate aftermath of the recently completed sale of MGM to Sony. But when the LAT deftly works a reference to MGM's leonine mascot into its lede (we've been gleefully guilty of the same strategy), we're magically transported to the Hollywood jungle of our imagination:
