Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. was the beloved Republican sheriff of Arapahoe County, Colo., for nearly 20 years before he retired in 2002. In 2001, he was named national Sheriff of the Year. Yesterday he was arrested by the department he used to run for offering a man meth in exchange for sex.

If you were worried about the fact that police have been saying two different serial killers, both well-versed in police techniques, were responsible for the ten bodies found on Long Island's Gilgo Beach over the last year, stop worrying: there's just one serial killer! So, good news! Or something.

I don't mean to come off as a "sheltered Susan" who's not "street smart" about "how these things work," but I found this story a wee bit more disturbing than would be indicated by the paltry level of media attention it received. How do you become a prostitute in Brooklyn these days? Just by being snatched off the street, at random!

Taking people hostage used to mean something, you know? If you took a guy hostage, it was a big deal. It was a bond for life! These days, though? These days you can't trust your hostages farther than you can throw them, after you've killed them and wrapped their bodies in tarp.

Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray has been sentenced to four years in jail over the pop star's death. He'd been, inexplicably, administering the powerful anesthetic propofol to treat amnesia—like getting chemotherapy as a haircut, as Robin Williams said.

Ad Week compiled a list of America's most-shoplifted retail goods, and it reads like a bad date with a guy who says "bro" a lot: Axe body spray, filet mignon, Jameson, Gillette Mach 4 razors, and Polo Ralph Lauren shirts.

On Thanksgiving Eve, Andri Lynn Jeffers allegedly walked into a northern Arizona gas station and demanded money from the cashier. When he turned Jeffers down, she announced that she had a bomb underneath her sweater and threatened to blow up the place, like how they do on teevee.

As we all know, Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul. But was he too jolly? Police in Chesterton, Md. believe so, and yesterday arrested Frosty at the annual Christmas parade for disorderly conduct.

Paying for a first class ticket earns you a lot of privileges that you won't get in coach. Free booze! Comfortable seats! Plenty of room! But there are still some rules that apply in both sections. Like, for example, the prohibition on checking out child porn on your laptop.

Yesterday's zeitgeist-iest Black Friday shopper—the California Walmart-woman who allegedly pepper-sprayed a crowd of fellow Xbox seekers, creating the scene captured in this video—surrendered to the authorities Friday night, but was released without charge. Before she left the police station, officers asked her for pepper-spraying protips.

We all know that the Smurfs movie ruins people's childhood memories, but does it also ruin people's very lives—namely, by leading them to reach frighteningly high intoxication levels in an effort to cope with its awfulness? "Yesssshhhhhh," traumatized mom Sarah Boushey might say, before sideswiping another car.

The Amish beard-theft ring whose crimes shocked the world last October is now in police custody after the FBI raided their Ohio compound and arrested seven men in connection with the attacks. Hate crime charges have been filed.

Joe Pressil, a 36-year-old from Houston, was somewhat surprised to learn that his ex-girlfriend had become pregnant just three months after the couple broke up, because she had always claimed she was unable to have children due to a medical condition. He grew even more surprised when she gave birth to twins, and proved via blood tests that Pressil was the father. Then came a receipt in the mail from somewhere called the Advanced Fertility Center of Texas, which listed Pressil as a "patient," and the realization of what had actually occurred at last began to set in: Pressil says he was the victim of grand theft semen.

first shot in the annual War on Christmas has been fired, and it's not a pretty one: part of a $1,600 Christmas display was stolen from a California home early Tuesday morning. Secularism strikes again!

Mark your calendars! Alleged Wikileaker Bradley Manning has his first court date, 1 1/2 years after being imprisoned. A pre-trial hearing is scheduled for December 16th, where his defense team will "evaluate the relative strengths and weaknesses of the government's case" against him, according to a blog post by his lawyer, David E. Coombs.

One morning not long ago, Fort Bend (Texas) District Attorney John Healey was sitting at his kitchen table and updating his to-do list: "Make pozole for office party? Check. Pay mortgage? Check. Buy dog food? Check. Indict that dude Richard for murder?... Aw, crap."

Back in 2009, Charles Cleveland Nowden was busted at a Fort Worth movie theater for trying to purchase a lethal junk-food combo meal—two hot dogs, two cokes, and popcorn—with a counterfeit $20. This week, he received an 80-year prison sentence. Fort Worth's snack community is safe again!

Remember James Arthur Ray, the Oprah-endorsed "guru" who hosted a sweat lodge "vision quest" that caused the deaths of three people and "vomit everywhere"? The one overheard stating "It's a good day to die" while people literally died in front of him?

How many American butts had to develop "hard lumps, ripples, skin discolorations, and infections" before alleged, unauthorized butt enhancer Kimberly Smedley was arrested by federal agents last month? Perhaps we'll never know. But we'll definitely sleep more soundly knowing that America's butts are being protected from her silicone-stuffed syringes.

Unless you're an exhibitionist, you might consider canceling your annual pick-pocketing expedition to Providencia, Chile this year. As this video shows, local townsfolk have adopted a new vigilantism-based strategy to curb purse-grabbing: strip the would-be thief completely naked and leave him in the street. Naked as a jaybird! Naked as a jailbird!