Simmer, kids, simmer — YouTube is not dead. But if it were, this montage from our brother blog Idolator would make a perfect elegy.

In the interest of easing our way into this Friday morning (sssssh, please don't speak above a whisper until about noon), we'd like to share the Fast Hugs blog's excavation of this vitally important cultural artifact from 1986, How Can I Tell If I'm Really In Love, a star-studded PSA that aimed to better inform the sexually awakening children of the 80s when it was totally OK to finally "do it." Blueballs alert: This is just Part I, where the sage advice eventually to be delivered by a reclining Ted "Sam Malone" Danson (assumed topic: how to know when it's time to take that drunk Red Sox groupie home), Jason "Derek Taylor" Bateman (topic: On Getting Ricky Stratton's Sloppy Seconds), and Justine "Mallory Keaton" Bateman (topic: "I made Nick wait until the third date. Here's how you can hold off your horny, monosyllabic boyfriend too.") is only teased, leaving us to wait in tense discomfort until they finally put out in Part II.

We don't watch Ellen enough (read: ever) to know whether or not the show is wrapping up an Ellen Under Extreme Duress theme week, but they've apparently tried to top Monday's stunt, in which a cruel hypnotist made her cry by mentally force-feeding her a wad of hairy chili-licorice, with a segment today where the show's sadistic producers try to generate great daytime TV by having their host sexually assaulted by a 20-foot anaconda. And they almost pulled it off—DeGeneres seemed genuinely distressed by the serpentine tail curling around her nether-regions, at least at first; unfortunately, once the animal handler let her off the hook by revealing that crotch-invading reptilie was a female, the look on Ellen's face let us know that the sexual jeopardy of the situation had been all but extinguished.

After breaking his silence to Newscorp's New York Post this morning, Yale douchebag Aleksey Vayner decided against appearing on Newscorp's Fox News this afternoon. In his stead, Fox decided to interview Fraser Seitel, author of The Practice of Public Relations, as to what Vayner should do next. Nothing was particularly interesting about it, but we did enjoy this part of the segment, where Seitel calls investment bankers "self-serving," "narcissistic," and "preening." You hear that, i-bankers? You just got called out by a P.R. guy! That's got to sting.

Last night saw a book launch party at the Hotel QT for photographer Joan Sinclair's Pink Box: Inside Japan's Sex Clubs. The party itself seemed to draw more Japanophiles than Japanese, though a few from Nippon were in attendance. Also spotted enjoying the pool-humid ambience were newly unemployed gossipist Lloyd Grove, one half of gossip duo Rush & Molloy (formerly paper-mates with Grove at the Daily News, natch), and Z-lister/prehistoric MTV veejay Karen Duffy. We're told that our videographer, Richard Blakeley, did at one point strip to his skivvies and wade into the pool, but fortunately for us all, that footage will remain part of his private collection.

The endlessly parodied and nevertheless nifty Sony ad from last year that featured thousands of superballs bouncing down a San Francisco hill gets yet another go-round with the above clip. This bouncefest takes place in London's Portobello Road and is sadly and obviously a mere animation. The twist — it's for the "Sphere" sex toy by luxury eroticist Myla. A ripoff it may be, but the image of a horde of cootchie-balls tumbling blissfully through a public space makes it all worthwhile. Perhaps they'll do a follow-up tribute to the new, more phallic Sony ad.

You kids are in for a treat today. Why? From this week's New York mag, We bring to you a Video Look Book, featuring art student Chrissy Bradley. And the video is essential here, because Chrissy's inflection really completes the Paris-Euro-Cali ensemble that would otherwise look like something straight off the racks at H&M to undiscerning eyes. Chrissy lives in a "gorgeous big loft", believes that "fashion is the artifact of cultuuuuuure" and... oh, we can't do her justice.

Ahhh Internet in-jokes, how we love you. The recent popularity of "photo of me every day" projects (like the ones by Ahree Lee, Noah K, Jason, and others) inspired this clever video:

Yahoo Hack Day, an overnight event where outside collaborators made Yahoo-based mashups, mostly took place inside, but you can see the outdoor Beck concert in these two time-lapse videos shot from adjacent buildings on the Sunnyvale campus.

When we want our daily dose of unabashed sentimentalism, we would usually turn to something logical, like, say, Saved By The Bell reruns (we could watch Jessie Spano get so excited, so excited, so scared from those caffeine pills all day), rather than to the chirpy talk-show stylings of Ellen DeGeneres. But even she has succumbed to Very Special Syndrome: On Monday's hour — which, we kid you not, began with a pandering voice-over, "Today, an Ellen like you've NEVER SEEN BEFORE" — Ellen trotted out hypnotist Paul McKenna, both to disavow our theories that all such people are hissing Vaudevillian caricatures, and to help her quit smoking. You'd think that watching America's favorite bobblehead of good cheer ratchet down the happy by tearily confronting her inner pain would be...well, a downer. But mercifully, the sappy editing, heartstring-abusing music, dramatic stings, and the image of McKenna advancing on a helpless, sniffling Ellen and threatening to shove an imaginary brick of gobbed-on, meaty licorice into her mouth are all top-notch unintentional humor. She later revealed she hasn't smoked in three days; in related news, she also can't close her eyes. Or eat.

A heartbreaking song by a kid reliving Atom's buyout of Shockwave now that Google bought YouTube.

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Aleksey Vayner

The ad above is from Dove beauty products, or more properly, the (chuckle) "Dove Self-Esteem Fund," which is all about teaching girls real beauty, not this highly overproduced, airbrushed and Photoshopped version you see in other ads, such as those for Axe body spray (which shares a corporate parent with Dove). Nevertheless, it's typical though still startling transformation, especially when the almighty Photoshop lasso begins on-the-fly cosmetic surgery.

Gawker points us to this fan edit of The Office, in which the lovelorn Jim, obviously taken aback by frustratingly coy Pam's sudden, explicit come-ons, foolishly turns down the filthy supply closet romp he not-so-secretly pined for over the show's first two seasons. [Warning: Audio very NSFW, unless you work in a sitcom writers' room.] Enjoy.

This is probably more BWE territory, but hey, we found it and it's ours. If you loved The Office cast and crew reading Jenna Fischer's Esquire piece, you'll probably splooge over this one.

In an ill-advised publicity stunt and/or world record attempt, Blender editor Russ Heller spent last Friday imprisoned in a Plexiglas cell at the NoHo Best Buy, listening to Starship's "We Built This City" on repeat for 24 hours. Blender had picked the track as the worst song of all time, which apparently led to some unresolved feelings of guilt over maybe liking Grace Slick just a little bit. Enjoy the clip above from staff video hatcheteer Richard Blakeley, where a placid Heller blogs the experience while sipping Red Bull; weirder still is a spectator who seems far more amused than the situation warrants, at least until security escorts him away from the freakshow.

We don't post people's "viral" ads upon request, as a policy — if you want promotion, buy a banner ad, dammit — but there are exceptions, especially if the ad is too hideous to work. For example, if an otherwise boring video ends with a van slamming into a man and severing his legs, leaving his guts spilling out on the street.

Late yesterday, we noted that Disney had "taken appropriate action" (read: shot in the back of the head with a functional Pirates of the Caribbean blunderbuss) against the EuroDisney employees who thought it would be funny to make a video of them simulating various sex acts while in full character costume. The Dirty World News blog has posted the grainy video, allowing us all the chance to see how our long-held Goofy-on-Minnie fantasies play out when depicted by horny French theme park employees.

Last night, Reuters hosted a panel entitled "Public Figures, Private Lives" to wallow in self-loathing about how much the media invades the personal lives of ostensibly public people. Panelists included First Amendment junkie Floyd Abrams, American Media den mother Bonnie Fuller, CNBC/MSNBC's Hilary Rosen, Splash News head Gary Morgan, and Slate's Jacob Weisberg, all skillfully moderated by Reuters's Paul Holmes. If you've stayed awake through that recitation of names, you might have also made it to the panel. Intern Stephanie and video-op Richard Blakeley went to the reception AND the panel (troopers!), producing the clip above (Bonnie Fuller considers herself a public figure!) and the incident report below.