We, uh, don't have much to say about this except that it's the best "please don't let me give in to my gay urges" song we've heard since that last Toby Keith record.
Plastic surgery disaster Alex Kuczynski appeared on "The Colbert Report" last evening: here's the clip. It's amusing (or at least Colbert's end is) and nothing more, but a few things you may want to note:
Let it never be said that Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't know where his gay-icon bread is buttered: to kick off his SNL hosting gig this past weekend, the dreamy-eyed triple-threat deftly offered an air-kiss to fans of his legendary cowboy-bottom turn in Brokeback Mountain, then got down to the dirty business of winning back the hearts of any fans that may have been momentarily captured by Jennifer Hudson's moving™ rendition of that Dreamgirls song. Right about now, a half-dozen male Golden Globes nominees are frantically calling their writer friends (sadly, even Borat himself probably can't pull off the gag now, as much as we wanted to see it), begging them for new victory speech bits, knowing that their hilariously off-key thunder has been stolen by last year's most high-profile Globes snubbee. On the bright side, now we probably don't have to see Forest Whitaker whip off a breakaway tuxedo and bound into the audience to lovingly serenade double-nominee Leonardo DiCaprio with a show tune.
· The Soup proposes yet another way that FX can introduce a little more lightheartedness into dreary tabloid drama Dirt.
· Paula Abdul's flack blames her slurry, wildly gesticulating morning show performance on a cocktail of exhaustion and technical difficulties.
· Soon-to-be L.A. resident David Beckham consulted BFF Tom Cruise before agreeing to take $250 million from our local soccer club; once Cruise assured his pal that he'd still have plenty of money left over after he paid Los Angeles' mandatory 30-percent Celebrity Centre tax, Beckham was ready to sign his contract and start making his moving plans.
· Survivor is making further strides in diversifying its cast, choosing only 10 Californians for its upcoming Fiji Islands installment, as compared to the 13 they signed up for the Race Wars season.
· L.A. finally gets its own mystery stench a few days after New York's goes out of style. Typical.
· Our gloryhole-inspecting siblings over at Fleshbot have spent the week porning it up at the AVN Expo in Vegas.
NICK DOUGLAS — Mmm, the Taser, America's favorite legal civilian weapon, favorite tool of cops on both baddies and protesters, and always good for video fun. I've compiled one electrical montage some of the best Taser shots on the Internet, including three celebrity tasings from Armed and Famous, premiered on TV tonight. NSFW, due to the screaming.
Stashwax has beef with Saturday Night Live (well, more than the rest of us do, anyway.) They've served the venerable comedy show with a cease and desist order, saying that Lorne Michaels et al ripped off the concept of their video in which antisemitic dialogue was overdubbed onto a recut Braveheart trailer; the SNL sketch employed a similar tactic, but with footage from Apocalypto. We watched both and, while similarities exist, they strike us as more of the "Mel Gibson and the word "sugartits" are inextricably linked now, and no one has the patent on associating Jews with bagels" variety, not the "actionable" variety. But we'll let you be the judge — it's what you're best at. Both clips are after the jump.
· Tonight on ET and The Insider: Discover the context for the quotes that have been amusingly edited together to make James Brown's widow sound like a lunatic!
· Tonight on Ken Levine's Lost House 24: "6 pm - 7 pm: Kate gets caught in another hanging net. Locke shoots Boone. House correctly diagnoses a gunshot wound... but only after removing Boone's liver. Jack learns that Claire is really his daughter. Ten minutes later she's of course kidnapped."
Chud.com calls out Variety for the paper's uncredited discovery of box office smash Zyzzx Road.
Fishbowl L.A.'s Kate Coe interest in how the LAT underplayed the story of a Halloween hate crime in Long Beach spills over into the L.A. Weekly, and then back onto Fishbowl.
· NBC.com is streaming the first 20 minutes of the new, L.A.-based season of The Apprentice; note that The Donald's infamous combover (the greatest combover in the world!) cannot be stirred even by driving in a convertible with the top down. Impressive.
Amazon.com's Jeff Bezos, determined to offer FREE Super-Saver Shipping to the entire solar system, this week released photos and video of "Goddard," the first product of Blue Origin. The effort represents Bezos's attempt to offer reasonably priced space travel to the sub-billionaire income bracket. The project's Latin motto, "Gradatim Ferociter," translates approximately to "step fiercely," which sounds like something our gay dance instructor used to call out. (Feel free to correct that translation, Latin nerds, as if we could stop you.) Anyway, if you cared, the test flight was a success. Expect flights of conquering Bezos-pods to loom over your home town by Christmas 2015.
We'd hoped that the New Year's holiday break would have given Donald Trump sufficient time to come up with a new round of masterful insults with which to pepper nemesis/secret lust object Rosie O'Donnell, but it appears that everyone's favorite egomaniacal, lesbian-savaging billionaire showed up to his latest ET/The Insider session (in which he seems to be responding to Barbara Walters' claim that she's happy with her hiring of O'Donnell) woefully unprepared to top his previous operatic assault, falling back on an uninspired litany of recycled taunts. Still, ET's punishing editing somewhat enhances the cumulative effect of The Donald's relatively half-assed efforts at provocation, and the ensuing stream of quick-cut, loserslobliafatslobcrudetough arrogantpushydisgustingdegeneratedegenerate invective might be just enough to tempt O'Donnell to drag on the now-tired feud for another round when she returns to The View's couch, possibly by threatening to make out with his precious, bi-curious Miss USA whenever she gets out of rehab.
A couple of weeks ago, we unfairly criticized Tara Reid's involvement as host of a Chicago New Year's Eve party, suggesting that the gig somehow seemed beneath a celebrated performer whose name was once synonymous with "getting paid to get drunk in exotic locales." As you can see in the above video, the event was clearly well-attended and prestigious enough (note the presence of Efren "Vote Pedro" Ramirez, whom a reader informs is sharing the clip with his MySpace friends) to merit the onetime actress's attendance. Moreover, whatever appearance fee the organizers paid to secure her services (read: open bar tab [well drinks only], one-way ticket on Southwest) was money well spent, as a presumably inebriated Reid remembered many of the numbers between 60 and 1 during her playfully prolonged countdown to 2007.
Having opted out of the 7-second delay in order to give viewers at home the most accurate countdown possible was a programming decision that will ultimately come back to bite MTV corporate parent Viacom, when the FCC gods high on Mount Decency throw down multimillion dollar fines* like thunderbolts, followed by a series of executive meetings over the financial feasibility of keeping on a foul-mouthed Minnillo, versus shitcanning her for another disposable Jessica Alba-type talking head who can effectively drum up the requisite TRL excitement about Fall Out Boy's latest without relying on an arsenal of four-letter descriptors.
DealBreaker points out an overlooked (by us) gem from the holiday season: Arrested Development's Michael Cera in a spot-on Aleksey Vayner parody clip, created for some well-intentioned McSweeney's/Dave Eggersian event. Complete with dancing, artistry, and extremely awkward singlets in a physical fitness context.
