There is no Googlephone. I told you so. Again, and again, and again. But it's still sweet to hear it directly from a Googler's mouth, as in this clip above introduced by Sergey Brin.

It was bound to happen eventually and, last night, it did: 'The Hills' heroine L. C. faced off with her archnemesis Heidi at a party. Heidi made friendly overtures but Lauren wouldn't talk to her unless she apologized. But Heidi maintained that she hasn't done anything wrong! (She did. Sex tape, something something). There was a lot of meaningful blinking and music that told you how to feel. Then Lauren said two profound and true things: "Having your boyfriend do your dirty work for you doesn't make you innocent" and "You're a bad person." She may not be smart, but she is a good judge of character.

Chicago's "Empower Public Relations" firm has banned gossip from its office. The owner, Sam Chapman, has fired three gossipers so far, says "GMA." Chapman has been promoting the hell out of this policy and sending out press releases about it. Also, apparently all of the employees eat lunch together in some sort of sad "break room" because they are poor and live in Chicago. (Fake! So fake!)

Digg? Way too geeky. Reddit? Haventheardofit. No, the first social-news site that middle America has now heard of is Fark.com. Drew Curtis's rowdy, raunchy discussion board made it onto Jeopardy. In the clip above, host Alex Trebek asks contestants for questions based on answers drawn directly from real headlines featured on Fark. Granted, these were a bit more sanitized than the typical Fark fare — but still, it's invaluable exposure for the oft-neglected site.

Watchers of The View were treated to a phone call from Elisabeth Hasselbeck, whose ever-fertile, neocon-replicating loins produced a healthy baby boy over the weekend: Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck—mom was a huge Home Improvement fan—is surely meant for great things, possessing both his father's athletic grace and his mother's superhuman ability to withstand fire-breathing co-hosts while still managing to squeeze in some point about how Iraqi women raped by international soldiers have no right to abortions.

If clips like the one above documenting the single-producer picket line in front of WGA headquarters this weekend continue to proliferate at this staggering pace, the studios may have to seriously consider sending idling development staffers out into the street with camcorders, generating their own counter-sketches depicting greedy "writers" declaring that they won't return to work until they receive a million-dollar residual per iTunes download.

New research indicates that curvy women are smarter than skinny women—the very skinny host of "The Morning Show," which airs on Fox, says so! Except in doing so, she gets confused and turns to co-host Michael Jerrick for help. He doesn't. An hourglass figure means "your waist is smaller than you waist and boobs." Then he makes a hand gesture that is supposed to represent a woman's "bamamama." Huh? After that he mentions Marilyn Monroe. "What size dress did she wear?" asks Juliet. "8-9," replies Michael, semi-correctly. Underminerly Juliet replies, "Oh, I thought she wore a size 12." Nope! You're just skinny and you don't know how to count!

At the risk of entering Ellen overkill territory (oh, who are we kidding—we set up camp there somewhere around 14 Iggy posts ago), something about this beyond surreal Entertainment Tonight promo compelled us to return to the tale of the dog responsible for Phase One of the comedian's recent image-tarnishing campaign.

For the next leg of her continuing tour of the hottest WGA picket lines in Hollywood, a journey that recently brought her to Paramount to witness the birth of the strike's first sidewalk-theater group, we dispatched Defamer videographer Molly McAleer to today's massive rally at Fox Plaza, as the gates of other studio headquarters were being patrolled only by the usual, non-Guild teams of tourists, vagrants, and sex workers.

Ellen DeGeneres has begun to soften on the admirably hard-line stance she took on behalf of Hollywood's striking writers: On today's show (taped earlier in the week) she still refused to do a monologue, but has migrated back to the mark where she typically begins each broadcast. Still, she continues to cross the line, raising the question of whether or not she'll do the same when the Talk Show DJ's Guild talks come up later this year, and she's forced to weather the spittle-flecked invective of its single member, Stryker, fighting for his fair percentage of audience-boogying residuals.

Last night, the D.C.-based Atlantic magazine celebrated 150 years of thought at the Kimmel Center Loading Dock at N.Y.U. In a striking display of awful judgment, the VIPs (Arianna Huffington, Moby, the Mayor) were allowed (forced) to mingle on stage. The poors sat in chairs in the auditorium and watched. Jared Kushner was either wryly funny or a dick. Porn queen Robyn Bird went unrecognized by Robert DeNiro and Boykin Curry claimed he doesn't rent his island paradise to whores. God, 'Ad Age' even turned against local goddess Patti Smith. Richard Blakeley was there to tell us what social apartheid looks like. That's satirist P.J. O'Rourke trashing the party from the stage, by the way. Welcome to the social disaster of the season!

This week has been totally "surreal" for flower-wearing Aussie intern Camille Hayton. First her apartment burned to the ground, forcing her to wear one of her mom's dresses to this morning's "Good Morning America" taping. Then Vimeo employee Patrick Moberg saw her on the subway and made a website about it, but though the site quickly became a "worldwide internet sensation," it didn't come to her attention, she said, until someone "that I work with at BlackBook" mentioned it to her. They met last night for coffee and "totally clicked," so, in spite of Patrick's online avowal that "you'll have to make up your own ending for this," they went on national TV this morning to... show the world that you should believe in flowers and rainbows and romance? Or: To raise the profiles of their employers, Vimeo and BlackBook—or their own brands? We'd like to posit that believing the latter theory doesn't make you a cold-hearted cynic so much as it makes you a sentient human being.

Let us bow and say thank you to the gods of Silicon Valley for everything that's not in this 1994 version of "24."

· In yet another one of those uncomfortable Martha Stewart Show moments that keep us coming back over and over again, the host describes her mother's recent stroke in such alarming detail that we now know not only the name of the hospital in which she's recovering, but the exact floor her room is on.
· Borat's book-signing featured filthy children, vanilla faces, and, of course, the requisite dude in a neon nut-sling.
· Grey's Anatomy McPicketing! How did we miss that opportunity yesterday? Maybe we were distracted by the weiners.
· J. Lo knocked up, officially. We know her refusal to disclose the contents of her uterus had really been eating at you.