Jimmy Kimmel Live started out with a bawdy jibe about fathering a teenage Spears lovechild—a gem likely polished to perfection while lying in a bathtub and staring at two hairy kneecaps protruding from the milky water—but then things took a serious and controversial turn: After offering his audience a primer on what it is strikers are asking for (free internet access), Kimmel said that he didn't want to "depart too much from the party line," then proceeded to board a Party Line Getaways Jet Tours Adventure, railing against "ridiculous" picket lines and SAG's blacklist bullying of potential guests, before demanding that the public "run down these weasel-faced Commies" until their "red insides fill your tire treads." Then he turned to deadpan security guard Veatrice for her take on the labor unrest.

Hoping to win back The Tonight Show audiences (who, let's face it, just want their nightly dose of Kevin Eubanks and could really give a fuck what the Writers League of America wants or needs), Jay Leno bounds over picket lines and back into our hearts with a heartfelt plea for the livelihoods of the 141 members of his staff not responsible for highlighting and dry mounting those funny little newspaper clippings sent in by viewers. Tragically, where his CBS nemesis succeeded in finding a workable solution with the Guild—which has had Leno's sympathy and donuts since the very start!—The Tonight Show could not, leaving the juiciest of cross-denominational bistro-patron set-ups punchlineless, for the time being at least.

· Whew! For a minute there, we thought that Celebrity Rehab miracle worker Dr. Drew had somehow figured out a way to exorcise Andy Dick of the booze-craving demons that make him Hollywood's most lovable, semi-recovering addict. But once a bottle of beer, a bicycle, and an eager audience of photographers were introduced, even the good doctor's famed sobriety coaching never stood a chance. [via TMZ]
· A bold prediction: Bedazzled mugshots will be all the rage with the troubled starlet set in '08, a trend that will add some much-needed flair to the uniformly dreary prison-intake photography that was the hallmark of the previous year.
· Hunky SF mayor Gavin Newsom decides to marry an actress, but we've fallen so hopelessly out of touch with his ill-advised dips into the Hollywood dating pool that we mistakenly thought he was still shacked up with the one from CSI: Miami. We regret the error, and promise to pay more careful attention to the candidates for his eventual third marriage.
· How many dudes can Lindsay Lohan hook up with in a 24-hour period? This many.

We honestly don't know who at CNN had the brass cojones to sign off on the pairing of Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper to host their 2008 countdown festivities, but if this seven-minute clip is any indication, we just may have witnessed the birth of a New Year's Eve tradition. Like a glass-closeted Dean Martin and fag-hag Jerry Lewis, Griffin & Cooper elevated the art of ball-drop-anticipatory comedic banter to new heights. (Kathy: "My balls are freezing." Anderson: "We have some eggnog in the truck." Kathy: "Well I've got to watch my figure— I'm not like you." Anderson: "Don't worry, I'm not watching your figure either." *Gay rimshot!*)

Commenters on the internet are all tools. But there's a hierarchy of negative commenters: Gawker commenters are literate bastards, nerds on Digg are less eloquent but still native speakers, and YouTube commenters never make it past "You suck!!!11one". This video explores the mind of the lowest form of commenter filth with surprising vigor.

Hi! I'm Nick Douglas, Gawker's foreign correspondent from the Internet. Basically, if I'd been here earlier, you'd have known about LOLcats before your receptionist did. Let's start with something easy: a YouTube video called "Pregnant Jamie Lynn Speaks Out." It's got over a million views, it's by a sketch comedy group called Good Neighbor, and it's basically a little kid playing Jamie for a fake TMZ interview.

What do you watch peripherally while getting ready in the mornings? 'Today'? 'Good Morning America'? Soothing, lovable Pat Kiernan? Probably not the CW's morning show. So you probably missed DANCE FRIDAYS with the hot weather girl. Thankfully, our video people caught it, and here it is. Alternate side parking rules are in effect, btw.

· Apropos of nothing save our own need to get the f'hell out of here (we have tuxedo fittings, noisemaker sound checks, and blind champagne testings to get to), we thought we'd rerun our personal favorite video of the year—QVC chicks getting down! We can only hope to party half as hard as the comfotunic-selling ladies of shop-at-home television did early in October.
· We bid three fond farewells to our departing Gawker comrades.
· Worker 3116 imagines what Alien Vs. Predator Vs. A Crowd of Fussygussy New Year's Eve Party Guests might sound like.
· "For Lease - Trendy Area - Not Here - This Clearly Not Trendy - We Know That - What We Look Like - Hick From Van Nuys" [via Franklin Ave]

Pity John Cusack, who in the span of one junket for an earnest and well-meaning film has now been subjected to the advances of single-n'-ready-to-mingle The View guest hosts, The Chris Farley Show-caliber interviews with overzealous TV cooks, and now, this:

Man, we missed the best part of rich man candle maker Slatkin's website. It's this video where everyone from Oprah to Elton John to Atlanta rapper Jermaine Dupri hawk the Slatkin-made AIDS Candle. (AIDS... has a smell?) Also, wait for the end bit when he's talking about the infamous Kabbalah candles. Amazing.

In case you didn't watch the CNN.com interview Carlson posted with Famesource, the social network buying signups in Bangalore, all you really need to see is the title of the online-only show. And I never thought I'd say it, but: Button up, lady. This is CNN.

Famesource founders Allen Vartazarian and Anthony Zanontian are the wantrepreneurs behind the Craigslist ad offering to pay Indian workers 10 cents per signup to their site, a tipster tells us. Sure, it seems pretty scammy, but if Vartazarian and Zanontian are really buying users, we can hardly blame them. Investors today overvalue eyeballs, and tend not to question where they come from. And Famesource needs users for another reason: It promises to connect wannabe celebrities with an audience of worshippers. Never mind that the fans are being purchased in Bangalore for a dime apiece. So how's the scheme working for them?

We don't think this one needs too much dressing up: A report about former Playboy magazine model Rebecca Reyes, who claims she was manhandled by Texas cops, replete with tearful, first person recollection of the events. Observations? Um, former Playboy models crying makes us sad. Also, brown is an underrated tanktop color. Happy New Year, everyone!

From: Xeni Jardin

In a surprise Defamer World Exclusive! (must credit Defamer's World's First Surprise Super Exclusive!) videographer Molly McAleer, who spent last evening in the Hollywood Hills working on choreography with her Satanist friends as she always does, captured this altercation between Sean and Robin Wright Penn—possibly the final blow-up that led to today's divorce announcement. Sean clearly seems to be the more conciliatory of the two, sweetly offering up small fondnesses, such as the way Robin reads her script dialogue out loud before bed every night—but we'll leave it to you to decide where, if anywhere at all, the fault lies.

Miracle on Bedford Ave [MySpace]

Yesterday, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer compiled for us the Top 10 Videos of 2007, a pastiche of sobbing talk show hosts, cold-hearted hunks, sassy Galileo revisionists, and delicious floorburgers. Today, she brings things a little bit closer to home—could we dim the lights please?—lovingly scrapbooking Defamer's Top 10 Man-On-the-Street Videos of 2007. We begin with the streetweary insights of Chinese Theater Spider-Man, schooled by Chewbacca in a little-known martial art called Qui-Gon Jinn, that he might more efficiently fend off countless molesty tourists hoping for a cheap grab at his webslingers. Enjoy.

"What will be the app in 2008?" videoblogger Florian Seroussi asks Jeff Pulver, the Internet-calling pioneer who founded the company that became Vonage. "Life," Pulver answers, "I think we get a life." Nice thought. I'll take that bet. Seroussi's follow-up question: "Life 2.0?"