Just in case the plunging stock market, deepening recession, and report of bedbug infestation didn't give you enough to worry about today, here's something else to insure you see your shrink for many years to come: Scientists say that water levels around the city could rise by two feet or more in the coming decades, and the streets of New York may end up looking "like the canals of Venice." Better make friends with these people while there's still time! [NYP]

The huge new Diesel flagship on Fifth and 54th Street opened today. Can we interest you in "over 700 different denim styles," all at totally exorbitant prices? Too bad. Anyway, if you happen to pass by the location and you're wondering why on earth there are real, live human beings chewing on tuna in the store window, rest assured it's intentional. The company asked various "New York personalities" to eat a "full, real dinner" inside of the main window every night through Friday. Richie Rich, Lady Bunny, Patrick McDonald and Kenny Kenny were there last night; future guests include headband-wearing socialite Arden Wohl and socialite/"artist" Hope Atherton. "It's a rare chance to get to watch socialites eat," Racked writes. Indeed! [Racked]

The mob gathered outside the Trump International Hotel is not comprised of outraged Trump Entertainment shareholders who watched the company file for bankruptcy protection for the third time today. Apparently they're crazy tweens hoping to catch a glimpse of the Jonas Brothers. But at least if Donald Trump is feeling particularly down in the dumps about today's news, he can always walk in and out of his hotel and guarantee himself a few rounds of applause.

President Obama signed the $787 billion stimulus bill this afternoon. "Today does not mark the end of our economic troubles. But it does mark the beginning of the end," he said before signing the bill into law. Of course, this could also just be the beginning of the end of life as we know it, but at least we're all in agreement that we're in the same place, right? [CNN]

What do models do to keep themselves amused during the inevitable stretches of downtime during Fashion Week? Answers below!

• Ad pages for monthly magazines in March dropped by 26 percent. [Crains]
• Sirius XM has reached a deal with Liberty Media to avoid bankruptcy. [NYT]
• What Bristol Palin had to say in her interview with Greta Van Susteren. [ABC]
• Not surprisingly, local news stations covered A-Rod's press conference today in lieu of President Obama's signing of the stimulus bill. [THR]
• A look at Politico and "the brave new world of post-print journalism." [TNR]
• Barbara Walters at a breakfast this morning with 60 Minutes's Steve Kroft and Ken Auletta: "I think the only programs that will still be there as they are now in 10 years are the morning shows." How convenient. [Portfolio]
• Thanks to the popularity of Slumdog Millionaire, ABC is thinking about reviving Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? during primetime. [NYT]

It's no surprise that legendary author Gay Talese has yet to fulfill the three-book contract he signed with Knopf in 1991. He's spent the past few days crafting signs for homeless people so they can panhandle more effectively. Really. As he told one of the men he encountered on the street, "the big bankers and industrial leaders the government was bailing out had lobbyists and public relations companies doing their bidding," and if the men on the street had any chance, they'd have to "tap into the topicality of their plight." So he went home and made up a bunch of signs referencing President Obama and the stimulus bill, handed them out to people, and then "took down names and phone numbers," so he could follow up to see how they did. We're not sure how it is that homeless people now have phones, but perhaps that's just because Talese is already making a difference?

In honor of Fashion Week, here's the answering machine message at Lynn Yaeger's apartment. (It's no surprise she isn't at home; she's covering the shows for New York this year.) Be sure to listen through to the end to hear the musical chimes of her delightfully old-school machine. Previous fashion-related voicemails: Gilles Bensimon, Lucy Sykes, Charlotte Ronson, Hamish Bowles, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler.

With so many unemployed people searching for jobs, you'd think that there would be some clever way of exploiting their desperation for financial gain, right? Actually, there are many ways, the Journal reports today. Seemingly legitimate job ads can lead to nothing more than a sales pitch for an expensive career service. Filling out a series of job applications forms on the internet might earn you an ad for an online university.

One of the most popular items at the American International Toy Fair, which is now taking place at the Jacob Javits Convention Center? The "Smash-Me Bernie" doll, which is designed to resemble Bernie Madoff in a red devil suit with a pitchfork. "It comes with a 'limited edition' hammer, for the purpose of pulverizing Mr. Madoff in effigy." And for victims of Madoff, the $99.95 toy is still a bit less expensive than an hour of psychotherapy. [Dealbook, NYDN]

As part of the crafty strategy to turn Confessions of a Shopaholic into a public service announcement about the evils of consumerism, rather than a shiny orgy of labels that had the bad luck to come out during the worst recession in decades, Sophie Kinsella, author of the novels on which the movie is based, wants to teach us how to resist our urge to spend. Her fount of wisdom, which obviously springs from a heartfelt concern for women's financial well-being rather than from a contractual obligation to Touchstone Pictures, is full of gems.

Your sinking stock portfolio might not be the only thing keeping you up at night. Bedbug complaints in the city jumped 34 percent last year, according to New York vs. Bed Bugs, a bedbug advocacy group (yes, there is such a thing), which identified Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Midtown as the three biggest "hot spots." Sweet dreams! [NYDN]

A recap of the shows, parties, and gossip you've missed at Fashion Week thus far after the jump.

Hamptons architecture buffs, take note: Now would be a good time to get a last look at Dragon's Head, the gaudy 50,000-square-foot castle in Southampton that Calvin Klein purchased several years ago. It's just a few months away from demolition now that Southampton's Village Board of Historic Preservation and Architectural Review has removed the last bit of red tape and ruled its interiors have no historical value. What can you expect to find on the property a couple of years from now? A much more low-key and minimalist manse, of course, not to mention the lilting sounds of youthful Brazilian men speaking Portuguese. [Newsday]

It's not all bad news this morning. As expected, Donald Trump's casino company filed for bankruptcy protection for a third time today. Whether it forces Trump to turn the volume down on his bluster remains to be seen, of course, but it should make the next season of The Apprentice, which premieres in two weeks, delightfully ironic. [Reuters]

Click through for more pics of some of the famous faces at the Fashion Week shows yesterday.

Paris Hilton turns 28 today. Basketball legend Michael Jordan turns 46. Rene Russo is 55. Denise Richards is turning 38. Director Michael Bay is 44. Jerry O'Connell is celebrating his 35th. Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong is 37. Record exec Jason Flom is turning 48. Literary agent Susan Golomb is 49. And Daniel Lawrence Whitney, better known as "Larry the Cable Guy," is 46.

• Stocks are down sharply today over concern about the deepening recession. The stimulus package last week? So much for it restoring confidence. [BN, WSJ]
• Need more proof of mismanagement at Citigroup? Chuck Prince was ousted as CEO 15 months ago but he still has an office and secretary at the company. So does John Reed, Citi's former CEO who left nearly nine years ago. [BN]
• The stimulus package that cleared Congress Friday includes hefty new restrictions on bonuses and perks at Wall Street firms. [WSJ]
• GM will file the largest restructuring plan of its 100-year history today. [DB]
• Hedge funds may lose as much as 35% of their assets this quarter. [Reuters]
• Citi is having a hard time finding anyone to buy their junky assets. [NYP]
• Banco Santander, Europe's second largest bank, is offering a generous compensation deal for clients who lost money to Bernie Madoff. [WSJ]

• It isn't easy being a disposable reality TV star. At the Jill Stuart show on Monday, a publicist barked "Show your fucking ring!" to Bethenny Frankel as The Real Housewives of New York star was getting her photo taken. She's probably used to the abuse, though. Frankel later told a reporter that she used to babysit Paris and Nicky Hilton when they were kids. [AMNY, NYO]
• Lindsay Lohan says her dramatic weight loss is simply the result on "working a lot." Of course it is. [Us]
• Monogamy is so old-fashioned: Alex Rodriguez spent Valentine's Day weekend romancing five different women, while Calvin Klein was spotted in Miami with "two model-type guys." [P6]
• Walter and Monica Noel are laying low at their home in Mustique, although they skipped the private jet and flew commercial to get there. [P6]

Didn't expect to see the day when Giorgio Armani would be blogging? Well, that day has arrived: The Italian designer is spending the week blogging for The Moment, the New York Times's fashion blog. And it hasn't taken him any time at all to master the medium. He's already complaining a lot, sharing too much info, and putting other people down, such as Scarpetta chef Scott Conant.