Whatever it is Bernie Madoff's been up to the last 13 years, we now know one thing he wasn't doing was investing his clients' cash. Irving Picard, the trustee liquidating Madoff's investment firm, said today that he's found no evidence that Madoff purchased any securities on behalf of customers in "at least 13 years." He also said that he's received 2,350 claims so far, and that a handful of subpoenas have been issued, including one to "a hair salon called Blow Styling Salon located blocks away from Mr. Madoff's Manhattan penthouse apartment." Can't wait to hear about that one! [WSJ, NYT]

According to those laboring at the front lines of servicing the rich—limo drivers, personal shoppers, restaurateurs—bankers are vaguely trying to make everyone loathe them less by dialing down the blatancy/outrageousness of their extravagance. For instance, you'll be thoroughly reassured to hear that $1,000 bottles of wine are no longer deemed an appropriate complement to lunch at Danny Meyer's Eleven Madison Park.

The condo conversion of 20 Pine Street has been plagued with problems for ages. One of the first conversions to come along in the financial district, the Shaya Boymelgreen-developed, Michael Shvo-marketed building was supposed to be finished in 2007. It wasn't, of course, which led to the first lawsuit back in August 2008 when a buyer argued that 20 Pine had been misleading about the building's completion date and had refused to rescind the buyer's contract. The situation hasn't improved much since then: The pool and gym remain unfinished, and just two weeks ago Shvo announced that construction work on the building's amenities would be suspended for a week "to concentrate on completing about 50 residential units." Now it seems other buyers have had enough. A Massachusetts woman who paid $925,000 for an apartment in 2006 (as well as an additional $16,000 for two storage units) filed a lawsuit of her own this week, and is now demanding that her deposit be returned, too. The full suit appears after the jump.

Bad news for Bloomie: A new poll shows that only 52 percent of New York City residents believe the mayor is doing a good job—his lowest approval rating in four years—and only 43 percent approve of the job he's doing to help the city endure the economic crisis. But now that he's hiring former aides to John McCain's disastrous presidential campaign, things should turn around pretty quickly, no? [NYP]

Forget trying to actually understand what's going on with the economy, advises Cornell psychiatrist Richard Friedman—explanations from politicians and economists are only making us all freak out more! What the panicked populace needs is mass psychotherapy from government-mandated mental health professionals, who will tell us that everything's going to be just fine and that we should merrily spend and invest like we did in the good old days.

• Patricia Blanchet, the widow of 60 Minutes correspondent Ed Bradley, has put the home where she and Ed lived for more than 30 years on the market. The 3,600-square-foot apartment at 285 Central Park West is currently listed for $7.4 million. [WSJ, Corcoran]
• Real estate developer Mark Kalimian and his wife Keren paid $9.1 million for an 18th-floor apartment at the Brompton on East 85th Street. [Cityfile]
• Mutual fund exec Charles Johnson and his wife Ann paid $3 million for a two-bedroom apartment next door to the one they already own at the Sherry Netherland. The apartment was previously owned by the late insurance executive Gerald Tsai Jr. [NYO]

Fashion Week is finally coming to a close. Click through for a final recap of the shows, parties, and gossip from the past day or two.

• Bank of America chief Ken Lewis has been subpoenaed by Attorney General Andrew Cuomo over bonuses and losses at Merrill Lynch. [WSJ, Reuters]
• Citigroup is raising more cash by selling off more assets. [WSJ, DB]
• More on the efforts to compel UBS to divulge the identities of 52,000 Americans suspected of using offshore accounts to dodge taxes. [NYT]
• Jon Winkelried may have left Goldman Sachs because he realized he wasn't in line to take over for Lloyd Blankfein as CEO. [Clusterstock]
• There's evidence that the credit markets are thawing a bit. [BN]
• The cost of living rose in January for the first time in six months. [BN]

• Bruce Wasserstein has been keeping busy. In between splitting up with his third wife and marrying his fourth, he found the time to have a baby with a recent Columbia Business School grad, with whom he's now sharing custody of a 10-month-old girl. [P6]
• The LAPD have launched an investigation into who leaked a confidential photo of a battered and bruised Rihanna to TMZ. [TMZ, E!]
• Whitney Port said this week that Olivia Palermo can be "very difficult to worth with," and that she occasionally wants to "slap her." Join the club. [AH]
• Madonna is reportedly planning to use the Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday to introduce Jesus Luz to the world as her new boyfriend. [OK!]
• Portia De Rossi is reportedly preparing to undergo IVF so she and Ellen DeGeneres can have a baby. [SFGate]

NYU Students: We're Not Going Anywhere [WCBS]
Student protesters refuse to leave NYU cafeteria [NYDN]
Live on the Web, the N.Y.U. Occupation [NYT]

Plastic surgeon Cap Lesesne is facing a nasty lawsuit from a former patient. The doctor who once dated Katie Couric, reportedly worked on Hillary Clinton, and authored 2005's Confessions of a Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon, has been accused by a British woman of bungling her nose job, facelift, and cheek-implant procedure, and for removing one of her breast implants "against her will," whatever that means. [NYDN, NYP]

You may want to take a seat for this one. You know those blog entries that Giorgio Armani has been writing for the New York Times website? Well, it seems the 74-year-old billionaire designer has not been going home to his Central Park West penthouse every night this week, turning on his laptop, and churning out flawless copy—in English, no less—all by himself. He's had a bit of help, which the Times's Eric Wilson casually pointed out today when he mentioned the pieces are "as told to J.J. Martin, a freelance journalist," but which nonetheless sent the absurdly literal gals over at Jezebel into a tizzy:

• Keith McNally's revamped Minetta Tavern will open in March. [Eater]
• Le Cirque will extend its Restaurant Week menu till the end of the year. [GS]
• The South Beach Wine & Food Festival starts tonight, in case you happen to be in Miami or you're looking for something to do the next few days. [Eater]
• Some say NYC nightlife has been a bit bleak this Fashion Week. [Zagat]
• Pink Elephant was the top grossing club in NYC in 2008. [GoaG]
• A blogger is trying to go a week without buying any food. Related: eGullet is hosting a challenge called "A Week Without Shopping." [ABroadrview, NYT]
• More on what Danny Meyer has planned for Citi Field. [TFB]
• Starbucks' new line of instant coffee? Not that bad, reportedly. [AdAge]

Allen Stanford, the billionaire financier accused of bilking investors out of an estimated $8 billion, has been located following a nationwide search. The FBI found him in Fredericksburg, Virginia this afternoon and served him with the SEC's complaint. His lobbyist says Stanford is "very depressed," by the way; thanks for your concern. [ABC News]

The voicemail message at the home of Catherine Malandrino and her husband/business partner Bernard Aidan. Previous fashion-related voicemails: Lynn Yaeger, Gilles Bensimon, Lucy Sykes, Charlotte Ronson, Hamish Bowles, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler.

The Dow Jones industrial average tumbled to its lowest close in more than six years today, dropping 89.68 points, or 1.2%, to close at 7,465. Financial stocks were the hardest hit: Citigroup closed at $2.51, the lowest it's been in the bank's history. American Express dropped 8.7% to end the day at $12.87, a level it hasn't seen since 1972. In more positive news, this NYSE floor trader is totally getting lucky tonight, so at least he's got that going for him. [NYP, MW]

• CBS reports that profits plunged 52 percent last quarter. [Variety]
• The editor of the Post is defending the chimp cartoon in yesterday's paper; meanwhile, Al Sharpton led a protest outside News Corp. today. [E&P, WCBS]
• Despite the horrible reviews, the second-season premiere of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City on Tuesday set a high for the series. [THR]
• Chris Mitchell has been named the publisher of Conde Nast Traveler. [MW]
• Conan O'Brien will conclude his 16-year Late Night run on Friday. Then it's off to LA to take over for Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. [NYT]

While Stylista failed to thrill viewers or indeed expose anything about real life at Elle—we'll see if Marie Claire's soon-to-debut effort in the same vein, Running in Heels, does any better—the show did make a minor celebrity out of the mag's fashion news director, pretend Ice Queen Anne Slowey. Anne, along with her new puppy, Edie (after Sedgwick, like Leigh Lezark's dachshund, or Beale?), shares her fashion week opinions with Elle.com, the most important one being the answer to that perennial dilemma: Should one wear a designer to his/her own show? "As a rule, no. Certainly, never a full look. Maybe a piece if it's not too obvious. But never change from one show to the next. That looks old-school and ridiculous, and you run the risk of looking like you work there." Advice to take to heart unless, of course, you actually want to give the impression that you work for a designer.

Bernie Madoff has turned into the devil incarnate for stealing money from various charity groups and schools. As of today, though, he may no longer be the most evil Ponzi schemer around. Meet Marvin Cooper. The founder of a company called Billion Coupons—the name alone should have been a warning sign, no?—Cooper now stands accused of bilking deaf people by holding investment seminars at deaf community centers. And here we were thinking we'd already reached the bottom of human depravity! [NYT/Dealbook]