Radio host (and nerdy girl pin-up) Ira Glass turns 50 today. Actress (and girlfriend of Justin Timberlake) Jessica Biel turns 27. Lucky editor-in-chief Kim France is 45. City council member David Yassky is 45. Food Network host Tyler Florence turns 38. Famed choreographer Karole Armitage turns 55. Former Rangers star Brian Leetch is 41. Actress Miranda Richardson is 51. Julie Bowen from TV shows Ed and Weeds is 39. And David Faustino of Married... with Children fame turns 35 today.

• Lindsay Lohan says she wants to convert to Judaism so she can "prove her commitment" to girlfriend Sam Ronson. She even went to the great trouble of updating her Facebook status to "I'm converting." [Daily Mail, P6]
• Katie Holmes looked "gaunt and tired" at an LA restaurant over the weekend. It could just be the elaborate security precautions wearing her down: Tom's security detail insisted on "sweeping" the eatery before anyone sat down to eat. [NYDN, MSNBC]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna have left Miami for LA and are now staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The public outrage over the reconciliation continues, though. [E!, LAT, OK!, People]
• Jimmy Fallon looked a bit "awkward" and "stiff" when his talk show made its debut last night with guests Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake. [Us]

A poll conducted by the by the National Sleep Foundation finds nearly a third of all Americans are losing sleep because they're worried about the economy. "Money fears far outweigh other problems—such as the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, global warming or a terror attack—when it comes to staying awake at night." [NYP]

• Stocks appear positioned to rise this morning after tumbling to their worst levels in more than a decade during yesterday's trading session. [CNN, MW]
• More on what the government is trying to do with the billions it's been pumping into AIG. Meanwhile, the insurance giant's founder, Hank Greenberg, has filed suit against his former company and accused it of fraud. [NYT, NYP]
• Citigroup is still hoping to shed a handful of "non-core" assets, including its mortgage and insurance operations, Japanese brokerage, and private-label credit card business. [NYP]

• No one seems to know why, but a model at the Jill Sander show in Milan appeared on the runway with tears streaming down her cheeks. A new trend? An allergic reaction of some sort? A reaction to the stress and anxiety hanging over the industry? You decide. [WSJ]
• Reviews and recaps of the recent runway shows in Milan. [NYT, IHT, Times UK]
• Barneys' makeup department seems to be holding up despite the recession. [NYT]
• The appointment of Dasha Zhukova as editor-in-chief of Pop is ruffling some feathers, not surprisingly. [Fashionologie]
• Michelle Obama went with Michael Kors for her official portrait. [WWD]
• A roundup of 10 trends from London Fashion Week. [Pipeline]
• The French magazine Femmes is relaunching and the new issue is devoted exclusively to Lydia Hearst, you'll be thrilled to hear. [Fashionista]

"Lawyers for accused swindler Bernard Madoff say a Manhattan apartment and $62 million in accounts held by his wife are unrelated to the investment manager's purported fraud, according to court documents." [NYP]

It isn't clear she ever lived in the apartment—she may have just been gifted the pad as part of a publicity stunt by the building's developer—but Lindsay Lohan's former apartment at the Atelier on West 42nd Street is up for sale for $1.2 million. The listing says LiLo "put 100K worth of the finest upgrades into this apartment." Alas, no word on what these "upgrades" were specifically, but feel free to use your imagination. [Curbed]

• Restaurants set to open this week: Zak Pelaccio's Upper West Side branch of Fatty Crab; the BBQ joint Dallas Jones; Favela Cubana; and The Local 269, which is opening in the space that once housed Meow Mix. [TONY]
• New York's "Best of New York" food-related picks are now online. [NYM]
• Chef Michael Psilakis appears to have several new projects planned. [TONY]
• A roundup of dining options in Clinton Hill. [NYT]
• Depression dining: How to pick food that is "nutritious and affordable." [NYT]
• Five people were stabbed outside the club Deco over the weekend. [NYDN]
• Not such good news: The population of cockroaches and mice is rising. [NYT]

Vicky Ward's article on the Noel family from the April issue of Vanity Fair is now online. Don't expect the piece to change your impressions of disgraced hedge fund manager Walter, his wife Monica, or his five daughters and sons-in-law. (Former friends and neighbors describe the family as "irritating," "shameless," and "outlandish," among other things.) And you won't find the Noels to be any closer to figuring out that they've become personas non grata. The couple continue to turn up at parties—even though no one wants to be seen with them—and they keep "a folder of supportive letters from friends" which they pull out when visitors stop by their Greenwich home. Daughter Marisa Noel Brown seems to be adjusting a bit better, though! As she tells friends, "I've been poor before. I can be poor again." [VF]

Dow Below 6,800; Lowest Close Since '97 [NYT]
Dow Falls Below 6800 Amid Broad Retreat [WSJ]
Dow below 7,000 [CNN Money]

If you've ever seen a photo of Svetlana Pankratova—she holds the Guinness record for "Woman with the Longest Legs," in case the name doesn't ring a bell—you may have wondered just how long it takes her to shave her legs. You didn't? Well, you can find out anyway on Thursday when Pankratova turns up at the Kiehl's store in the East Village for an "in-store shave demonstration" to promote the company's new shaving cream and raise money for the Lower Eastside Girls Club. Details about this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity after the jump!

He's called her a "bobble-head" and a "freakazoid," and has accused her of "peddling crack to kids" with her Dunkin' Donuts commercials, but if Anthony Bourdain's comments about Rachael Ray in the past have caused her any psychic pain, she isn't saying so. In an interview with Nightline airing tonight, Ray tells interviewer Cynthia McFadden that she "absolutely loves" Bourdain and has "an enormous amount of respect" for him. We're not convinced the feeling is mutual, but we have a feeling we'll find out for sure soon enough. [ABC News]

Corcoran super-agent Sharon Baum says she's getting rid of the forest green chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce that she's been using to ferry clients around for more than a decade. The reason? Not because Baum can't afford the $3,000-a-month lease, of course, but because she says she's become "deeply uncomfortable" with riding around in such an ostentatious car during difficult times like these. Baum is now thinking of using her other vehicle—an Audi station wagon—to escort clients from appointment to appointment. Pretty disturbing news, right? Next thing you know we'll be hearing that Michael Shvo has traded in his Mercedes 500 limo for a Vespa. [NYT, photo via TRD]

• The recession hasn't been all that bad as far as Hollywood is concerned: Ticket sales this year are up 17.5% and attendance is up 16%. [NYT]
• Viacom and CBS chieftain Sumner Redstone will have until the end of next year to sell off assets in order to repay his enormous pile of debt. [WSJ]
• Hearst is looking to charge readers for online access to its newspapers. [WSJ]
• Univision has laid off 300 people, or 6 percent of its workforce. [AP]
• Hachette is planning to reorganize its collection of women's titles. [WSJ]
• The recession has forced food mags to focus on cheap dining options. [NYT]
• Sarah Silverman's Comedy Central show hasn't been renewed yet and now the show's executive producers have threatened to quit the network. [THR]
• Madea Goes to Jail was No. 1 at the box office again this weekend. [NYDN]
• Another Bernie Madoff-related book is in the works. [NYP]

One sign that this recession is much more serious than those we've suffered before: Parents are doing the unthinkable and condemning their precious offspring to a free education, thus ruining any chance they might have of growing up to have a decent life. Yes, private school enrollment is declining, since people's straitened finances can no longer accommodate annual tuition fees that can run as high as $30,000.

Liev Schreiber "sifting" through the trash near his Noho apartment ... Jeremy Piven walking with girlfriend Ashley Chontos in Soho ... Brad Pitt arriving at JFK to board a flight ... Brooke Shields shopping on Madison Avenue ... Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto walking around Midtown with an H&M shopping bag in hand ... Justin Timberlake walking downtown with an unidentified "female friend" ... Mariska Hargitay and her husband leaving the Nederlander Theatre on West 41st Street ... and Madonna walking in the snow with Jesus Luz.

If you managed to use the snowstorm as an excuse to avoid going into work today, you may have a harder time making the case tomorrow: The mayor says schools will most likely reopen on Tuesday, reports "A.G. Sulzberger," the son of Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr., in his first post for the paper's City Room blog. [NYT]

This isn't the best time for a socialite to be pitching a high-end lifestyle brand. But you can't blame Tory Burch for trying to remake her image to suit the current economic climate. Burch, who is now preparing to introduce her line to British shoppers, "has created the go-to brand for affordable luxury" and is now a "portal to accessible chic," reports the Sunday Times. And she expects her line to continue to grow as hedge-fund wives "downgrade from Hermès and Halston." "We have a lot of designer customers shopping in our stores who think of us as their Gap," Burch explains. As for her high-profile split from ex-husband Chris Burch and the handful of men she's been linked to since then (including Lance Armstrong, Ron Perelman, and Lyor Cohen), don't think for a minute she's been pleased to see her name in the news:

Conan O'Brien's Late Night has ended, but you can still get your hands on a piece of the show. Hundreds of props are now sitting in a Queens warehouse and are on sale, including fake plants, "hockey helmets topped with upside-down baby dolls in stars-and-stripes leotards," and a "life-size cutout of Brian Williams." All items you've been searching for, we're sure. [NYDN]

Through the recession-blackened debris of our once great nation, there blows a consolatory treasure, a reminder, if you will, of what being American is all about: suing people! Thanks to the mass layoffs of lawyers—on February 12th alone, 800 law firm employees were let go—the cost of a lawsuit should drop "for the first time in history," explains Mark Penn, the CEO of the PR firm Burson-Marsteller and the scandal-plagued strategist who worked on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Music to the ears, no doubt, of women who have ever been employed by Simon Hammerstein, or of waitstaff at basically any New York restaurant.