Donald Trump can't seem to go a day without running into a financial crisis of some sort. His Chicago condo project has been in trouble for months now; a few weeks ago, his Atlantic City casino empire filed for bankruptcy; and just last week a Trump-branded apartment building in Mexico went bust, leaving buyers who put down deposits out in the cold. Today's news: The Trump International Hotel & Tower in Las Vegas is in trouble, according to the Journal, which says that three-fourths of the buyers in the condo-hotel have failed to close contracts. And there's bad news closer to home today, too: He's now in arrears for failing to pay rent on the site of his planned "catering hall-restaurant" at Jones Beach. Guess we'll have to just hope that Ivanka's jewelry line is doing a bit better so she can support her dad in his old age. [WSJ, Newsday]

In these uncertain times, when the decisions we make have never been more nerve-wracking, and when trust in experts and authorities has been eroded, it's only to be expected that we'll fall back on guidance from the most reliable and rational source: our dreams! Despite the fact that neurologists regard dreams as merely the random firings of our brains, most participants in an international dream study believed that dreams provide both a significant glimpse into our subconscious, and omens of the future.

Michael Bloomberg has been speaking a lot of Spanish in recent weeks. He now often ends press conferences with a few Spanish phrases and has been been taking questions from Spanish-speaking reporters, too. Unfortunately, despite nearly six years of one-on-one tutoring sessions, Bloomberg still has trouble spitting out a sentence without making a mistake: When he was asked about the recent snowstorm, for example, he pointed out that the "the streets have cleaned" and "it was a lot of windy." With the mayoral election fast approaching—and considering challengers like William Thompson and Anthony Weiner are taking Spanish classes, too—the mayor is going to have to do a lot better if he expects to win over the city's Latino population. And he's going to have to do more than simply chat about the weather; he's going to have to connect with voters on a much more personal level and demonstrate he understands their culture and concerns. To that end, we turned to our in-house translator to put together a few phrases that the mayor might want to memorize as he meets voters over the next few months. ¡Buena suerte, Señor Bloomberg!

If you're the kind of person who can't help but yap on your cell phone as you drive, tomorrow would be a good day to resist the temptation. The NYPD is planning a crackdown on drivers who talk and drive at the same time: "Officers on all kinds of routine patrol, across the city, will pay extra attention to the issue for a 24-hour period. Those caught using a hand-held cellphone will face a fine of $120." On a positive note, any cab ride you happen to take tomorrow will probably be a whole lot quieter. [NYT]

As long as human beings exist, we'll be searching for ways to be less fat without the bothersome obstacles of expending physical effort or enduring feelings of hunger, hence the continual stream of weird products that promise to help us in this quest, such as the breed of weight-loss pills that, instead of suppressing your appetite with a stimulant-type ingredient, simply swell up in your stomach to mimic fullness. If that sounds disgusting and/or potentially fatal, well, that's probably because it is, as Elle's April Long discovers.

She may be nearly six feet tall and have a very square, masculine jaw, but we're pretty sure that Kelly Killoren Bensimon is a woman. But that's not what cops at the Fifth Precinct marked down when the "Real Housewife" turned herself in after allegedly pummeling her 30-year-old boyfriend, Nick Stefanov. She was listed as a male. (She's also 145 pounds, apparently.) While you wait for Bensimon's lawyer to jump all over this case of shoddy police work and have the charges against her dismissed on a technicality, you can review the complete criminal docket for yourself after the jump.

• Russian financier Andrei Vavilov has already lowered the price of his notorious three-bedroom penthouse at Plaza (left). Just a month after putting it on the market for $12.5 million, it has now been reduced to $9.95 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• Now that they're Washington-bound, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and his wife Carole have put their five-bedroom home in Larchmont on the market for $1.635 million. [NYP, CB]
• Gilt Groupe men's director John Auerbach and Andrew Black, an editor-at-large at Quest magazine, have paid $1.9 million for a fourth-floor apartment at 255 East 74th Street. [Cityfile]

Several hundred people are expected to turn up at the MoMa at noon today to pay tribute to Eli Broad, the billionaire philanthropist who is being honored with the David Rockefeller Award. What will all the financiers (Steve Cohen), dealers (Larry Gagosian), and socialites (Mercedes Bass) be chatting about at the reception? Vanity Fair has a few ideas. [VF]

Real estate legend Barbara Corcoran turns 60 today. Nobuyuki Matsuhisa is turning 60 today, too. Sharon Stone is 51. Record producer Rick Rubin is turning 46. Model Eva Herzigova is 36. Timbaland is 38. Prince Edward is 45. Edie Brickell is turning 43. Carrie Underwood is 26. Mad Men star Jon Hamm is 38. CNBC's David Faber is turning 45. Actress Olivia Wilde is 25. Chuck Norris is 69. And deep in a cave on the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan, Osama bin Laden is celebrating his 52nd birthday.

• If you're out shopping and you find yourself facing off against Kelly Killoren Bensimon for the last dress in your size, let her have it: The former model and Real Housewives star was arrested and charged with third-degree assault last week after punching her 30-year-old boyfriend in the face, leaving him with a "black eye and opening a blood-gushing gash on his left cheek." [NYP, NYDN]
• Poor Olivia Palermo says she's been misrepresented by MTV producers, since she's actually "a much nicer person in real life." Also? She's currently "vacationing in London with her model boyfriend," if you're interested. [People]
• How's this for a comeback: Rihanna and Chris Brown have reportedly been holed up in a studio working on a new track together for the past few days. [E!]

Can you believe it's been a full year since Eliot Spitzer was linked to an escort service and he was forced to give that awkward press conference with wife Silda by his side? It has! Although as NY1 points out, it's also the anniversary of the day Governor Peter Stuyvesant issued a law prohibiting goats and hogs from roaming the streets of New Amsterdam. [NY1]

• Citigroup chief Vikram Pandit says the bank is "having the best quarter since 2007." Good news. Don't pay any attention to the fact regulators are making "contingency plans" in case Citi "takes a sudden turn for the worse." [BN, WSJ]
• Yet another Citi misstep: In addition to $3.5 million in gift cards, the bank gave out $13 million to employees whose vacations were canceled. [BN]
• Andrew Cuomo's assault on Bank of America continues: He's sent a new letter to BofA chief Ken Lewis demanding information on bonus payments—and he even had Barney Frank co-sign it. That will definitely do the trick. [NYP]
• Lehman's buyout division is back in business under new ownership. [FT]
• Boutique investment banking is back, in case you didn't hear. [DB]
• A firm that JP Morgan inherited when it took over Bear Stearns was sold to Barclays for $30 million. Bear paid $625 million for it in 2001. [WSJ]
• The jobless rate may reach 9.4% this year, a new survey suggests. [BN]

• Lindsay Lohan's self-tanning mist, Sevin Nyne, launches on April 15. And she even has an elaborate website set up to mark the big occasion. [NYM]
• Kanye, Pink, and Salma all turned out for the Stella McCartney show today. Kanye likes his coffee with "mad cream and sugar," on the off chance you were wondering. [WSJ, Telegraph, Fashionista]
• Quelle horreur! PETA activists tore Carine Roitfeld's Balenciaga gown outside the JPG show! [SF]
• Karl Lagerfeld's Chanel show takes place tomorrow. And everyone will be there, naturally. [NYT, Grazia]
• Yves Saint Laurent has turned its first profit in a decade. [FT]
• Reviews of some of the other shows at Paris Fashion Week. [NYT]
• It's looking likely that Peter Copping will take over at Nina Ricci. [Fashionista]
• Kate Moss will be in NYC for Topshop's opening on April 2. [DM]
• Conspicuous consumption is no longer cool, reports the Times, in the event you've missed the 2,243 articles on the same subject up 'til now. [NYT]

Hey, You Never Know [Flickr via Gothamist]

Given the questions that have been raised over the years about the ties between New York Times reporter Bill Carter and NBC management, it's a bit of a wonder the paper still permits him to churn out puff pieces about the network. But they do, and so today Carter happily reports that NBC News "is making a pile of money" and the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams is doing so fantastically well that Steve Capus, the president of the division, is now thinking about becoming the "first network to expand to a full-hour newscast." There's a great idea! Now instead of not being home to catch Williams from 6:30 to 7pm, you can miss an extra half-hour between 6 and 6:30pm, too. The persuasive evidence supporting this winner of an idea is below.

• Keith McNally's Minetta Tavern opens tomorrow. And just in case you were holding your breath, he says his pizzeria won't open for a year. [NYT, Zagat]
• Scuderia, Silvano Marchetto's new trattoria located across the street from Da Silvano on Sixth Avenue, opens this evening. [Eater]
• Ramen Setagaya, the Japanese chain with two locations in New York City, opened a third one on University Place last night. [GS]
• What you missed at the $1,000-a-person Citymeals-on-Wheels charity dinner last night, which honored Sirio Maccioni (and was sold out). [TFB]
• Bamn!, the theme-y fast food spot on St. Mark's has gone out of business. But it may be replaced by Michael Huynh's Baoguette. [Eater]
• Starbucks's new menu sucks, according to Time Out. [TONY]
• Believe it or not, there are a few neighborhood pubs that are TV-less. [NYT]

Donald Trump sure has a knack for sucking publicity out of other people's pain, doesn't he? Just a few months after capitalizing on Ed McMahon's financial problems and wading into Jennifer Hudson's family tragedy, he's now inserting himself into the Rihanna-Chris Brown mess, telling Inside Edition's Deborah Norville that he'll consider Rihanna a "loser" if she ends up getting back together with Brown. Point taken, although given his epic failure in Atlantic City last month, his epic failure in Mexico last week, and his sagging ratings for the latest season for The Apprentice, it's safe to say Rihanna won't be the only name on the list. [LAT]

In news that will come as a surprise to precisely no one, it appears the Palm Beach Country Club has taken the final step and officially expelled Bernie Madoff from the club. A tipster tells us that late last week, Bernie's golf handicap at the PBCC, which had been posted to the United States Golf Association website, suddenly vanished. Unfortunately, we were unable to confirm the latest disgrace to a man who couldn't even play golf if he wanted to: A woman who answered the club's phone said no one would be prepared to comment on the matter. But all is not lost for the Madoff clan!

Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze taking a walk in Brooklyn ... Justin Timberlake playing basketball on a public court downtown ... Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky sitting courtside at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Julia Roberts leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Helena Christensen walking in the Village ... Beyonce shooting a video in Tribeca ... Meryl Streep reading the Times on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn ... Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the Kabbalah Center ... Ru Paul walking in the meatpacking district ... Ice-T and Coco leaving a show at Caroline's in Times Square ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard arriving at the Classic Stage Company on East 13th Street ... Nelly leaving the Trump International Hotel ... Tim Robbins playing hockey in the Village ... Kiefer Sutherland leaving Kingswood in the West Village with his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier ... Naomi Watts carrying her new baby in the meatpacking district ... and Tyra Banks leaving the Waverly Inn.

Please try to contain your surprise at this truly stunning revelation. [NYT]