Mayor Bloomberg got a tad annoyed at this morning's press conference announcing plans to introduce a bill to legalize same-sex marriage. It seems a reporter's tape recorder (or phone) went off just as Bloomberg was about to begin speaking, and he wasn't too happy about the interruption.

Rupert Everett's Shocking Transformation! [Star via Jossip]

Remember back in February when Mayor Bloomberg announced a $45 million program to retrain investment bankers to help them begin careers in other industries? The program begins this week when 50 former Wall Streeters—who have 15 years of finance experience, on average—show up for 10-week unpaid internships at various start-ups around town. But don't call them interns, please: They're officially called "consultants." [NYT/City Room]

We're not sure why CNBC would have picked Michael Wolff, of all people, to come on to talk about how disgraced CEOs and celebrities can go about restoring their damaged reputations—and it's also a mystery why Wolff would have accepted such an ironic invite—but maybe he was just hoping to pick up a tip or two from the other guests on the panel? Unfortunately for Wolff, just as he got done explaining why a Lindsay Lohan reality show would be a huge rating success—you think?—some sort of technical glitch occurred and kind of ruined Michael's moment. Oh, well. We'll just have to look forward to next week when Wolff appears on camera to talk about what qualities to look for when you're hiring an intern.

Lawyer Marc Dreier is thoroughly disgraced, having been charged with bilking investors out of $400 million as part of a fake bond scheme. But things just got a little bit worse for the former mega-lawyer currently under house arrest: It appears he was a client of the prostitution ring operated by Jodi "Babydol" Gibson, the madam who served time in prison and later published a tell-all that identified Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck as past clients. Of course this also means Dreier has someone he can consult on what life is like on the inside, which may not be such a bad thing. [Dealbook]

• The Times is folding in several sections of the paper (City, Escapes); scrapping the weekly fashion spread in the New York Times Magazine, and cutting the budget for freelance writers. Grim times, indeed. [NYT, Gawker]
• NBC CEO Jeff Zucker is reportedly concerned that CNBC has become too conservative and is becoming "the anti-Obama network." [P6]
• The new Ben Silverman? That would be ABC's Stephen McPherson. [NYP]
• Bill O'Reilly tends to ambush liberals more often than he does conservatives. Could that mean he, like, has an agenda or something? How surprising! [NYT]
• Twitter on fire: Traffic is up 131 percent from February. [AdAge]
• Gannett Co. reported a 60 percent decline in first-quarter profit today. [AP]

As department stores across the country slash the prices of designer clothes—much to the dismay of both fashion houses and smaller boutiques who can't compete with the discounts—a shocking epiphany is flashing across the minds of label-whores everywhere: Could it be true that a high-end designer dress or pair of pants isn't intrinsically worth its astronomical full-ticket price?

The quickest way to land a book deal? Become besties with Gwyneth Paltrow, obviously! A month after Gwynnie's bikini waxer inked a deal with Penguin Books. Now comes word that Tracy Anderson, the personal trainer Paltrow shares with Madonna, has landed a six-figure deal of her own with Grand Central Publishing. So if you can't afford the $900 a month membership fees to Tracy's gym, or even the $200 workout sessions she's offering at a depressing Midtown hotel, you'll be able to take advantage of her wisdom in a slim, paperback volume. Best of all, you won't need to exercise your body or your brain doing it.

Dick Parsons stepped down as Time Warner's chairman at the end of 2008, and handed over the reigns as the company's CEO to Jeff Bewkes a year before that. That isn't stopping Time Warner from sprucing up his office, though! The company disclosed it plans to spend $776,000 this year to make heading into the office every couple of months a more pleasant experience for Parsons, and the company will also pay to provide him with a secretary. Considering Parsons is now the chairman of Citigroup, presumably he'll also be getting a fancy new office at 399 Park Avenue just as soon as Citi CEO Vikram Pandit is finished with his $10 million renovation of the second-floor "executive suite." And yet despite two new spaces, he still won't have access to a Zen garden! (At least not one that Citigroup or Time Warner will be paying for.) But he can always make one himself if really wants to.

Sandra Bernhard heading into a yoga studio in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her Village townhouse with a carton of Easter eggs ... Heidi Klum carrying son Johan into FAO Schwarz ... Dave Matthews crossing the street ... Liam Neeson watching the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden with his sons Michael and Daniel, just a few seats away from where Spike Lee is sitting ... Rachel McAdams heading into her hotel ... Lauren Conrad arriving at JFK ... Tory Spelling leaving NBC studios at Rockefeller Center ... Wilmer Valderrama walking on the Lower East Side ... and Seal leaving a hotel in Soho.

Parents today are burdened with so many responsibilities when it comes to raising kids: providing them with a good education, making sure they eat healthy food, obtaining the right ADHD medication, being vigilant to the myriad threats posed by the internet. But none of the above is nearly as important as paying thousands of dollars to ensure your son or daughter's life isn't ruined before it's even begun by the horrific handicap of crooked teeth. Yes, apparently people would rather starve on the streets than see their precious offspring go without braces.

Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has posted a loss the last four out of five years and the stock is now hovering at $3 a share. But you didn't expect any of that to impact Martha's own compensation package, did you? The founder of the now-struggling media company just sealed a new three-year contract that will earn her at least $2 million a year for the next three years, according to a filing with the SEC. She'll also earn a bonus of as much as $1.5 million for each of those years, plus receive a one-time "retention incentive" payment of $3 million. Oh, yea, and then there's that company-funded home delivery and backup power system at her house, which isn't bad either. [WSJ]

• Hedge fund manager James Torrey and his wife Podie Lynch have closed on the sale of their duplex at 131 East 66th Street, albeit for substantially less the $14.5 million they were seeking last November. The 4,850-square-foot apartment, which went into contract in December, sold for $9 million to John Heimann, a former exec at Merrill Lynch and his wife Maria-Cristina Anzola. [Cityfile]
• Comedian Lisa Lampanelli has paid $1.32 million for a two-bedroom condo at 2250 Broadway on the Upper West Side. [NYP]
• Haig Schneiderman, who owns the Knish Nosh knish chain (among other things), and his wife Alison, have put their 4,000-square-foot apartment at 25 Central Park West on the market for $10.7 million. [Cityfile, BHS]

Ellen Barkin is turning 55 today, although she probably shouldn't expect flowers from any of her famous exes. Legendary choreographer Merce Cunningham is turning 90. Model Alek Wek is 32. Actor Lukas Haas is turning 33. Architect Ricardo Scofidio is 74. Jon Cryer is 44. So is comedian Martin Lawrence. Basketball great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is turning 62. Patriots coach Bill Belichick turns 57. And Joseph Alois Ratzinger—the man better known as Pope Benedict XVI— is turning 82 years old today.

• Is Lindsay Lohan heading back to rehab? That's what her mother, relatives, and friends are supposedly encouraging her to do, since she's been on a "self-destructive binge of partying, tears and breakdowns" ever since Sam Ronson broke up with her. To make matters worse, she keeps bumping into Sam everywhere she goes. Clearly, the girls need to decide once and for all which one's getting Chateau Marmont so this sort of thing stops happening. [OK!, L&S, P6]
• The Sun reports Madonna and Jesus Luz have reunited. As the story goes, Jesus came back to NYC to "perk up" Madge after all that trouble in Malawi and now they're like, going to Kabbalah classes and, like, eating dinner together and stuff. [Sun]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are supposedly dating again, even though they claim they're "just friends" in public. [NYDN, P6]
• "Real Housewife" Jill Zarin recently underwent breast reduction surgery. If you're lucky, you'll see the whole procedure go down on a future episode. [P6]

• JPMorgan Chase reported a $2.1 billion profit in the first quarter, exceeding estimates. Unlike Goldman, though, Jamie Dimon says the bank hasn't decided whether to return the $25 billion it's received in bailout money. [DB, WSJ, BN]
• General Growth Properties, the second-largest mall operator, filed Chapter 11 today, making it one of the largest real estate failures in history. [AP, WSJ]
• AIG is close to a deal to sell its auto insurance business for $2 billion. [FT]
• Investors remain concerned about the situation at GE and whether the company will be forced to go out and raise additional capital. [WSJ]
• Foreclosure filings jumped 24 percent in the first quarter. [CNN]
• Blackstone boss Steve Schwarzman says he's really worried about the "decline of capitalism." But he's got $25 billion sitting on the sidelines, and he's ready to pounce at any second assuming the world isn't ending. [Fortune]

What do Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Anna Wintour, André Leon Talley, Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Naomi Campbell, Liam Neeson, Sheila Nevins, Liz Smith and Cindy Adams have in common? They all go to the same podiatric surgeon, Dr. Suzanne Levine, according to the Observer. But you probably guessed that, didn't you? Levine reports she's busy these days getting fashionista feet ready for spring with injections of Botox or Juvederm. (She also has "foot facial" that she offers for $225.) As for which one of her boldfaced patients is pictured above, you can click on the "More" for the answer, if you're interested.

• Kelly Cutrone's forthcoming reality show has a name: Kell on Earth will be a "no-holds-barred look into the life of one of America's most legitimate tastemakers," according to Bravo. [Fashionista]
• Project Runway is looking for contestants for the show's seventh season. Unfortunately if you make the cut, you'll be appearing on Lifetime. [NYM]
• Emma Watson is the new face of Burberry. [SW]
• What's Arden Wohl up to? Posing for a lookbook, for one thing. [Nylon]
• Eccentric fashion on NYC social scene: the hits and misses. [WWD]
• A woman who sold four fake Birkin bags has been fined $7.5 million. It went down in Taiwan, though, so the ladies of Canal Street are safe for now. [NYM]

• "If there's a restaurant out there that you love, visit it. Eat there. Especially if it's in the two-star or three-star category, where I sense some of the greatest vulnerability of all," advises a very sensible Frank Bruni today. [NYT]
• On a less serious (and more creative) note, Bruni manages to slap Charles with a zero-star review and poke fun at Graydon Carter in today's Times. [NYT]
• Mayahuel, the new tequila bar by Death & Co's Phil Ward, opens in May. [UD]
• Gordon Ramsay at the London may not be around for much longer. [TFB]
• Todd English's rep has confirmed he's out at the Libertine. [GS]
• It's Pera that is planning to take over the Bar Martignetti space. [Eater]
• Fast food has reinvented itself and is now cool again, just so you know. [NYP]

Weil Gotchal is one of three major law firms that has asked new associates to hang out until 2011 before showing up to work. The firms are encouraging recruits to push back their start dates on account of the recession, naturally, but Weil may have a harder time pleading poverty as of this afternoon. The firm just requested the largest quarterly fee in bankruptcy history for its work on the Lehman Brothers meltdown. Weil is asking a judge to turn over $55.1 million for the the work it has done over just the past four months—plus expenses, of course—and insiders say it will probably get every penny of it. And Weil is expected to earn another $200 million in the event General Motors files for bankruptcy protection. It isn't often that we wish we'd gone into bankruptcy law. But it looks like today is one of those days.