David Kellermann, the acting CFO of Freddie Mac who was found dead in his home this morning, hanged himself, according to police. "Some neighbors said Mr. Kellermann had lost a noticeable amount of weight under the strain of the job, and some said they had suggested that he should quit to avoid the stress." Kellermann reportedly hired a security firm to stand watch outside his home after reporters turned up at his front door to ask about his bonus. Hope you're happy, Charles Grassley. [NYT, WSJ]

Sure, getting blind drunk is all that makes life worth living, but continually having to lift the glass, gulp, and swallow? It's all such an effort, right? At long last, the technology to imbibe alcohol simply by breathing is becoming a reality. At an "experimental bar" called Alcoholic Architecture, a booze-infused mist is released into the air by a vapor machine, and to make it even more appealing, "when you breathe, instead of the alcohol going into your liver, it goes right into your bloodstream so breathing is a much quicker way of getting drunk." Sadly, this particular bar is located in London. But who knows, this could very well be the formula to salvaging New York's dying club scene, too. [ABC News]

As the recession takes a toll on print media, magazines have been busy looking for new ways to drum up cash and stay in the spotlight. Sadly, they don't have much to show for their efforts. The once unmalleable line between art and advertising has been getting blurrier by the day, leading purists to point their fingers at publications like ESPN and Us Weekly for gussying up their front pages with ads meant to look like actual articles. Esquire's silly "blinking" issue last year, which featured a computer chip embedded in the cover, earned the title some press, but it didn't exactly boost circulation. But with print publications starved for cash to the point of emaciation, are there any gimmicks that will lure readers to newsstands?

These are busy times for bankruptcy attorneys (they're also quite profitable times too), and stress levels are on the rise, according to psychologists. Presumably that will be Madlyn Primoff's defense when she answers to charges she abandoned her kids on the side of the road after she couldn't get them to stop fighting in the backseat. Primoff, who lives in Scarsdale and is a partner at Kaye Scholer, ditched her 10- and 12-year-old daughters in downtown White Plains on Sunday.

Last month, a movie producer announced he was working on a movie about the Madoff affair. (You can see the official website here.) The folks at The Daily Beast has a few casting suggestions, and while we're not sure about their pick for Bernie himself (Dustin Hoffman), having Barbra Streisand play Ruth and Sam Waterston take the role of Walter Noel is truly inspired. [The Daily Beast via Dealbreaker]

Peter Kaplan, the Observer's long-running editor-in-chief, is stepping down effective June 1. "I wanted to take care of my family," he said, adding that "his next dream job is to get on the frontlines to figure how to save journalism." [DHD, Gawker, NYO]

• The New York Times Co.'s bank balance is running a bit low, but that hasn't detered the company from handing out lavish pay packages. The company's CEO, Janet Robinson, received a total compensation package valued at $5.58 million in 2008, up from $4.14 million in 2007. [NYP, HP]
• Is Rachel Maddow losing her glow? March was the lowest-rated month so far for Maddow's MSNBC show since its debut last fall. [LAT]
• The Chicago Tribune plans to cut another 20 percent of its newsroom staff as it looks to reduce expenses amid continuing declines in advertising. [CB]
• Yahoo posted a 78 percent decline in quarterly profits and said it would eliminate about 675 more jobs, or 5% of its work force. [WSJ]
• Tonight is Len Berman's last night at WNBC. [NYDN]

Harry Macklowe's crumbling real estate empire is getting even smaller. The ex-billionaire purchased the Financial Times building at 1330 Avenue of the Americas in 2006 for $498 million. He's since failed to keep up with his mortgage payments, though, and now it's gone into foreclosure. Unfortunately for Harry and son Billy Macklowe, it's a process they're intimately familiar with: It's the eighth office building in town to slip from their fingers. [Reuters]

More depressing news from the art world: "In the first quarter of this year, only three pieces of contemporary art sold for over $1 million, a fall of 92 percent from the same period last year." [WB]

Citigroup did its best to insure its annual meeting yesterday—the one at which angry shareholders harangued senior management—reflected a "sober" mindset. No glossy annual reports were handed out, Citi's CEO Vikram Pandit said the company had saved money by skimping on free coffee and doughnuts, and, according to the Times, there weren't any "red-frosted arc cookies in the shape of the corporate logo" either. Now we know why shareholders went without treats!

A gentle word of advice: If you happen to lose your job, whatever you do don't throw a big tantrum, or you might wind up being placed under round-the-clock surveillance to make sure you don't go on a murderous rampage. That's what happened to an employee of one financial services firm who got "upset" when he was fired, even though he presumably didn't have a history of settling scores with a 9-millimeter Glock.

Robert De Niro is Robert De Niro. But Bobby's brother uncle, The Real Deal informs us, goes by Jack DeNiro. Did you catch that? Yes, Jack intentionally spells his last name without a space between the "De" and "Niro." As for the actor's son, rising real estate broker Raphael, well, it appears to be a toss up. [Real Deal]

• Real estate titan Ara Hovnanian and his wife Rachel have quietly listed their co-op at 820 Fifth Avenue. The 6,500-square-foot apartment, which happens to be former home of Tommy Hilfiger, can be yours for $36 million via broker Serena Boardman, provided you can pass muster with a board known for having the "strongest chins, highest noses and cruelest standards." [NYO]
• Developer Louis Cappelli and his wife, actress Kylie Travis, have put their apartment at 515 Park Avenue on the market. The 6,500-square-foot, 13-room, six-bedroom spread is priced at $29.5 million. [NYO, BHS]
• New York Mortgage Trust founder Steven Schnall and his wife Sherri have put their townhouse at 2 North Moore Street back on the market. The 11,000-square-foot behemoth is now listed for $33 million. [Curbed, Real Deal]

Gisele Bundchen leaving her apartment in the West Village ... Kanye West carrying a duffel bag at JFK ... Liam Neeson leaving the Broadhurst Theatre on West 47th Street ... Music producer Rick Rubin holding a shopping bag outside his hotel in Soho ... Jennifer Lopez posing on the sidewalk after an appearance on Good Morning America ... Kim Kardashian talking on her phone at JFK ...... Solange Knowles crossing the street in Midtown ... Chace Crawford on the set of his new movie, Twelve, in Central Park ... and Ciara leaving dinner at Da Silvano.

A couple of weeks ago, we noticed that people were making fake commericals in honor of subway dermatologist Dr. Jonathan Zizmor. Now candy bar conglomerates are referencing him in their ad campaigns. We can't imagine where where this fascination with Zizmor will take us next, but a radio talk show sounds like a good start. [Urbanite]

There's been a lot of talk lately about how this is the age of narcissism. But the age of humiliation would probably be a more apropos tag line for an era in which an apparently sane and gainfully employed woman can create a website to facilitate her desperate search to get a boyfriend within a year—and it doesn't even seem that bizarre! We can only hope that her actual wish is for a book deal or reality show, because that would be a lot less tragic. [CNN]

Jack Nicholson turns 72 today. Filmmaker John Waters is turning 63. Hotelier Jason Pomeranc is 38. Real estate developer Billy Macklowe is 41. Jewelry designer Kenneth Jay Lane is turning 77. Real estate super agent Kathy Sloane turns 64. The View's Sherri Shepherd is turning 42. Actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan turns 43. And State Senator Ruben Diaz, Sr. is 66 years old today.

Jared Kushner has a new apartment where he'll soon be spending quiet evenings in the company of Ivanka Trump: The real estate scion and Observer publisher has paid $3.225 million for a two-bedroom, seventh-floor condo at 21 Astor Place. Described by the listing agent as a "sexy apartment," the duplex condo loft comes with two bedrooms, a home office, 2.5 baths, and "elaborate designer staircase." It looks like Kushner got a discount, too. The apartment had been listed at $3.5 million. Floorplan after the jump!

• Lindsay Lohan is "drowning her sorrows" over Sam Ronson in a "sea of men," including 90210's Kellan Lutz and British paparazzo Chris Jepson. She's also going out all the time again, and hit up six clubs in one evening last week. But that's probably just because she's naturally very energetic. [P6]
• In related news, LiLo tells E! that she isn't in talks to join a topless show in Las Vegas, but she'd be willing to dabble in the burlesque world for the right price. [OK!]
• Uma Thurman's rep says she and Arpad Busson did not get married in the Bahamas last weekend, although it's rumored the couple is planning a "low-key" wedding this Saturday instead. [E!, Sun]
• Daphne Guinness was supposedly overheard telling a friend that she and Andre Balazs aren't "seeing each other seriously," since she's about to move in with French philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy. [P6]

Annals of Marketing: Best For-Sale-By-Owner Gambits Ever [Curbed]