The ex-con illegal-immigrant paparazzi who follow Britney Spears around are not afraid to risk life and limb to give her the attention she so desperately craves. After the jump, watch an antlike swarm of paps brave traffic (and traffic laws) on a four-lane thoroughfare to surround Spears' car, and also listen to a Fox LA correspondent, hovering in his Sky Britney Helicopter, scoff at the insanity.
· Maybe we've just spent too much time watching American Idol cattle-call-tryouts-of-the-damned shows, but we definitely prefer this version of "Glamorous" to the original. Also, we wanted more of the girl doing the toe-tapping thing. And the guy with the spinning hubcap.
· Ben Greenman's blog-musical Death Comes to Britney Spears makes a transition to YouTube.
· What the Heath Ledger situation really needs right now is for the feds to get involved to straighten the whole thing out.
· How did Randy Quaid earn a lifetime ban from Actor's Equity? (Hint: a Nazi plot is involved!)
Though we're loath to return to the subject, important breaking news requires our brief attention: Following her second daring escape from a maximum-security psychiatry-ward lockdown in a month, Britney Spears is once again on the loose, having somehow distracted her UCLA captors long enough to wiggle free of the restraints keeping her lashed to her QuietTime™ guerney, bolt for the door, and screech away in a Mercedes left idling in the parking lot by renegade manager Sam Lufti. Fortunately, an orderly on TMZ's payroll managed to fire a homing-dart into the runaway pop star's neck as she dashed for freedom, allowing them to precisely track her movements since the escape; currently, Spears is on her way home, oblivious to the live-camera ambush the wily, bounty-hunting web concern has set up to assist in her capture. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ, TMZ ]
Britney Spears was released back into the wild today after a week spent in captivity at the UCLA Medical Center mental health ward. She is expected to seek additional treatment for her bipolar disorder. She will most likely return to her natural habitat, BP Connect quick stop shops. [US] Update: TMZ is live at Spears' house. Watch the exciting streaming footage of cars passing by.
Just when you thought you were tired of reading about Britney Spears, the next issue of Rolling Stone promises a DOOZY of a cover story that's sure to be one of the most explosive reads of this young year. The story reportedly includes boob job confessions (!), shopping mall sobfests (!!) and cameos from Justin Timberlake so "vulgar" that the NY Daily News refused to put them in print (!!!). While vulgarity has become a staple in virtually every Britney story these days, this disturbing excerpt in which Britney's Amex Black card gets declined at the mall pretty much redefines the word:
It's a rare day in Hollywood when drug-related accusations are confessed to, but yesterday's proclamation by Lynne Spears that professional bad influencer Sam Lutfi was "drugging" Britney aren't fazing Lutfi in the slightest. Quite the opposite, in fact — Us is quoting Lutfi in their latest issue as openly confessing that he gave Britney a handful of "miracle pills" to help her chillax just moments before GurneyGate 2.0 unfolded. Miracle pills, eh? Last we checked, there's nothing miraculous whatsoever about involuntarily being carted off to a psych ward. [Us Weekly]
Oh dear. A restraining order has been issued against Sam Lufti, the creepy hanger-on who has recently been Britney Spears' most trusted vizier. The order was largely based on testimony from Britney's mother, Lynn, who claims that Lufti had been drugging the troubled pop star, cut her phone lines, and basically kept her a prisoner in the days leading up to her Jan. 28th internment at a Los Angeles mental health ward. After the jump some choice quotes from Lynn's statement. [MSNBC]
After hearing reports that Britney Spears's manager Sam Lutfi was playing drug dealer for his mentally unhinged client, we immediately flashed back to the analogy section of the SATs when we realized that Sam Lutfi : Britney Spears :: Howard Stern : Anna Nicole Smith. For the first time in our lives, we're on Team Lynne Spears for banning the Lufti from the Spears Unit. If only Anna's southern dumb belle of a mother had written a scathing note to a judge like this one Lynne submitted as part of a restraining order filed against Lufti:
· As a couple of different people have now pointed this out to us, we feel compelled to share: Before Matt Damon was fucking Sarah Silverman, he was all over Scotty's ladyfriend in Eurotrip. [via Lindsayism]
· Robert De Niro has come down with Obamamania.
· Learn all about new Britney Spears lawyer Adam Streisand's not-so-secret connection to another, much more famous Streisand! Yes, it's the one you're thinking of!
· Turner Classic Movies dares the WGA to stay on strike.
Britney Spears, who is currently being kept, Rapunzel like, in a Los Angeles mental facility, apparently does not approve of karaoke. Or at least when someone sings one of "her" songs. An insider at the ward says that Britney got really upset when someone sang "My Prerogative" during the inmates' karaoke time. Crazy Britney gets crazy mad when crazy patient sings crazy Britney's cover of a song first done by a crazy man (Bobby Brown.) I don't know what's more off-putting: that there is karaoke at a mental ward, or that someone in a mental ward is sending anonymous tips out to gossip blogs. [LA Rag Mag]
So it turns out Los Angeles skies were not cleared of planes for Britney Spears and her inevitable return to the hospital. The Federal Aviation Administration, which would know about such things, has written in with a correction. Along with website the Superficial, People quoted a source saying authorities would "block off the road and airspace" for Spears' hospital trip but it turns out only local authorities were involved. In other words, our government is almost as ill-prepared for a celebrity breakdown as it is for other mass emergencies and the smart paparazzi can go ahead and buy a Predator drone or Apache gunship or whatever. FAA email to Gawker after the jump.
· Wasn't it only yesterday that they announced Star Jones' show was getting dumped? These TruTV people work fast.
· Our wishlist for the guy to fill William Katt's tights in the Greatest American Hero movie, in order of desirability : John Krasinksi, Steve Zahn, Willie Aames, Justin Timberlake. (Please, Will Ferrell, let this one go.)
· This is what your condo will look like if you choose to pay a sure-to-be obscene sum to live in the new Grove in Glendale.
· Orderlies at UCLA psych ward are now apparently transcribing Britney Spears' calls for TMZ.
· We agree with Rambo Review Kid: Shitdicknipples kind of sucks.
Ah, the In-N-Out. Referencing the famed burger chain makes us salivate just typing its name and, as it turns out, The Package (shocker!) feels the same way. United States Weekly reports that Brit, unimpressed (or just oblivious to) UCLA Med's appetizing, slightly-edible array of hospital-food-for-the-nutballs, ordered in a "double cheeseburger, fries and a drink" at around 4:42pm yesterday. Perhaps suffering from meth-induced hallucinations, our girl had manager Sam Lufti fetch the grub for her at rush hour's peak (as seen in the pic above), the greasy bag reportedly arriving in a quickspeed 21 minutes (In-N-Out! You never fail to astonish us.) One question, though: How exactly does someone manage to stuff themselves senseless while wearing a straitjacket?
Britney Spears was committed to the hospital twice this month with psychiatric problems and Heath Ledger was on tons of medication before his tragic death. Now we learn that Alex Kalev of Grey's Anatomy checked in and out of the same psych ward as Britney this week and that Kirsten Dunst is "on the verge of a breakdown" after erratic behavior at the Sundance Film Festival. Even the paps are acting strange, quitting their jobs over something called "guilt." Everyone is exhausted, sad and emotionally burned out. Meanwhile, all the twitchy, unpredictable celebrities are descending on New York for Fashion Week to compensate for missing the about-to-be-canceled Oscars. How to prevent a domino-like series of nervous breakdowns? We should, of course, turn to the sage, calming words of sobriety guru Courtney Love. Her advice for Britney and, really, all the troubled souls of the world, after the jump.
Suddenly overcome with either guilt or hopes for a book deal, camera-toting Britney Spears stalker Nick Stern quit his job at Brit picture agency Splash, where he was part of a mob that meticulously cataloged and profited from Spears' self-destruction until she ended up in the hospital, where they followed her into the emergency room but were ejected by people who hate the American Dream. Stern is British, so he doesn't have a stupid self-defeating American Dream, just crushing guilt over being part of a group that will bring Spears or an innocent bystander "to some horrific end." After the jump, the problem through ex-paparazzo Stern's eyes.
"I am convinced that if [Heath Ledger's] heart-wrenching video had aired, it would have gotten through and had a positive effect on young people in America. Perhaps it could have even saved lives." Also: "Had TMZ not videotaped [Britney Spears'] high-speed driving antics, her erratic mood swings, her British accent, those kids might still be riding around with her — and probably not in child-safety seats. And she might not be in UCLA Medical Center right now, with her parents around her, finally getting the medical help she desperately needs. [LA Times]
