We realize we left many of you hanging Friday, with news that BravoTV.com executive blogutante Andy Cohen had just swept into town for a few days of aerobic famewhoring. Well, the follow-up report is now live, and we wouldn't dream of not passing along the details of Andy's Oscar-weekend whereabouts. The show itself gets low marks, though Andy remains frustratingly tight-lipped about where he actually saw it. (Perhaps anything less than having experienced the ceremony from atop Leonardo DiCaprio's shoulders might not have been deemed worthy of a mention.) The very act of shaking Oprah's hand, meanwhile, gets three solemn paragraphs, after which we get some fly-on-the-wall observations about the temporary L.A. branch of Soho House:

Bravo's Andy Cohen—by day, the network's mild-mannered Senior Vice President of Production and Programming, by night, dishy bloggeur extraordinaire—walks among us, as his latest entry provides a detailed seating chart of a recent New York-L.A. flight, chock full of B-list stars hitting town for some Oscar-weekend magic:

· The Film Experience blog compiles a list of people you're probably going to be pretty sick of by the end of 2007.
· The LAT examines the Spoof Movie Fart Joke Mystique.
· A question to which we don't care to ever know the answer: What's Up With Brit's Necklace?
· Rachel Zoe to reveal the utterly mysterious ways in which she transformed many of your favorite troubled starlets into stylish, stick-thin zombies.
· A fun thing for film nerds to discuss: Martin Scorsese's use of X's in The Departed.
· And the award for Best Sneaky Use Of A Network Catchphrase In A Publicist's Statement goes to this Bravo flack for working "Watch What Happens" into her response to the Top Chef spoiler flap.

Yesterday, we guided you to an Eater LA post about how Food & Wine magazine had accidentally published a feature spoiling the winner of Season 2 of Top Chef, the results of which were supposed to be kept a secret until tomorrow's finale. Today, F&W's website posted an announcement claiming they had "prepared profiles of both Top Chef finalists in advance of the last episode so that we had a story on the winner ready to publish immediately after the season finale." You'd think Bravo would keep F&W more in the loop than the rest of the general population, but no matter: What follows is two stories, one about each of the show's finalists, Marcel Vigneron and Ilan Hall. We're still not going to be the ones to tell you whose appeared yesterday, and whose was probably filed at 4 a.m. by an annoyed junior staffer forced into the cover-up activity after editorial fielded several hysterical calls from Bravo execs insisting, "We don't care how the fuck you fix it, you recipe-filing morons, just fix it—unless you want to hear the words 'Top Chef 3: Brought to you by Bon Appétit' in your future!" If you read them both, however, be warned: It becomes overwhelmingly obvious which feels authentic and which feels desperately slapped together—almost as obvious as the gag-reflex-inducing qualities of a chocolate-covered chicken liver.

As Padma Lakshmi reminds us in her torpid speech patterns at the beginning of every Top Chef, the winner is awarded "$100,000 in seed money" (which, presumably, might also be spent on any other herbs, seasonings, or condiments of their choice), and a feature in Food & Wine magazine. Between 3 p.m. and 3:15 p.m. today on Food & Wine's website, that article, entitled, "Bravo's New Top Chef Tells All," accidentally went live, thus spoiling the outcome of a particularly engrossing season that came down to the final pairing of Marcel "The Hip-Hop Outcast" Vigneron, and his chief adversary, Ilan "Marcel's a virgin, everybody! Look at Marcel cook his virgin food! Ha ha!" Hall. We daren't reveal the outcome, but for those of you who simply cannot wait, Eater LA is happy to spoil it for you, with a post featuring the full text of the article. All you have to do is click here.

Blogging Bravo executive Andy Cohen's new web-based kaffeeklatsch, Watch What Happens, premiered last night after a particularly dramatic episode of Top Chef, in which misunderstood foam-making genius Marcel Vigneron was [spoiler!] overpowered by unfortunately named fellow contestant Cliff Crooks in a forced-head-shaving prank gone horribly wrong (in that Marcel's Wolverine do emerged relatively intact). Instantly, Cohen—until now a notoriously reclusive, outspoken voice of the blogowaves—was catapulted into the upper echelons of video podcast notoriety, thusly bringing him one step closer to his goal of mainstream celebrity, and possibly even becoming the new face of Lancôme.

When it rains Paula Abdul-style good fortune, it pours, as Bravo has announced today that everyone's favorite barbiturate-impeded American Idol panelist will now be starring in her own reality series, Hey Paula!, named for the phrase shouted out at the star repeatedly during the project's initial pitch meetings to prevent her from blacking out completely:

Bravo giveth, and Bravo taketh away:

Irrepressible Bravo executive Andy Cohen has found himself embroiled in a controversy of his own making, after having responded on his blog to viewers' concerns about Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi's provocative outfits with a dismissive and bizarre leapfrog of logic that somehow managed to twist those criticisms into accusations of anti-Semitism. Loyal readers might have been able to tell that this was yet just another example of Andy being Andy, delightful precisely because he's willing to type out the first thing that pops into his head—no matter how nonsensical or potentially incendiary—and publish it on a corporate website. But based on reader feedback in today's apology post, not everyone was laughing:

All that talk earlier about NBC Universal cable chief and Bravo Queerifier Jeff Gaspin's possible ascendancy to the top of the NBC TV food chain—where his first order of business will be changing the Nightly News theme to "All Things (Just Keep Getting Better)" whilst ensuring Brian Williams' blazer sleeves are always properly zhuzhed—has turned our minds to one of the trusty officers in Gaspin's Army of Gay, Bravo executive Andy Cohen. A visit to Cohen's BravoTV.com blog sees Cohen hurling some grave accusations at anyone who dares criticize the sexy wardrobe choices of Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi:

· The Coen Brothers and George Clooney—the inspired pairing to which we attribute our ongoing addiction to huffing Brylcreem—reteam for Burn After Reading, "a spy caper about a CIA agent who loses the disc of the book he is writing." Yes, he plays the CIA agent. No, he doesn't lose any fingernails. [THR]
· ABC has won the 18-49 demo for the first five weeks of the season, thanks to returning powerhouses like Grey's Anatomy and Lost, and new, breakout hit Ugly Betty. NBC points to Powerpoint projection reading, "Heroes: #1 with America's men!" emits faintly audible fart, slinks back to chair. [Variety]
· David Cunningham, director of ABC's controversial The Path to 9/11, is shifting gears to direct The Dark Is Rising, a fantasy film based on a series of children's books in which a lazy, horny Warlock-in-Chief named Klinton allows unimaginable atrocities to beset a peace-loving people. [Variety]
· Sarah Jessica Parker replaces Rachel Weisz in Smart People, playing widower Dennis Quaid's love interest. Dennis Quaid's best acting in years comes when he feigns excitement at news of the recasting. [Variety]
· Bravo picks up six more episodes of Work Out, the gripping reality drama in which we follow lesbian trainer extraordinaire Jackie Warner dodge whatever flying stemware her latest de-institutionalized girlfriend happens to launch at her head at any given moment. [THR]

More on NBC's Layoffs 2.0: Corporate hatchetman Jeff Zucker says that the 700 pinkslips they're expected to hand out aren't some kind of punishment for Aaron Sorkin's inability to singlehandedly save their primetime schedule from fourth place. OK, he didn't mention Sorkin specifically, but we know what he was getting at. [Variety]
The Academy releases its list of the 61 countries that successfully submitted work for the Best Foreign Film Oscar, including first time entrant Kazakhstan—which will require its representative filmmakers to spend any acceptance speech time decrying the cultural inaccuracies contained in Borat. [THR]
Still more on Layoffs 2.0: NBC president Kevin Reilly thinks that the company's bold decision to fire a bunch of people may look "fairly drastic right now," but will seem "forward-thinking" once all of his competitors catch Downsizing Fever. [Variety]
· The Project Runway finale sets a Bravo ratings record "by a huge margin," topping the previous marks set by Runway's season premiere and a very special 2004 episode of Queer Eye in which Kian nearly came to blows with a homophobic fraternity brother who misunderstood what the makeover-specialist meant when he said, "Take off your shirt, it's time for your manscaping." [THR]
The Jim Henson company hires Ahmet Zappa to write a treatment for a Fraggle Rock feature film. We refuse to get excited until we hear that Dweezil is doing the music. [Variety]

We suppose we should have seen this coming: Andy Cohen, Bravo programming exec and sassy blogger extraordinaire, interviews himself in today's post, thereby bringing to a natural conclusion the molting cycle that began with an anonymous network suit larva, and now ends with a glorious celebrity butterfly, furry antennae atwitter in a constant search for fellow, fabulous Lepidoptera with which to flap his colorful and expensive wings. But what should have been a cakewalk Q & A regarding Cohen's current visit to L.A. quickly turned ugly, with the Two Faces of Andy having a Gollum-vs.-his-reflection-style moment of antagonistic inner-turmoil:

Vincent Libretti, Project Runway's 401k-cashing, misunderstood sartorial genius and onetime victim of a P.A.-enacted laundry crime hinted on the show's recent reunion episode about his displeasure with the rash of disparaging "blogspots" currently plaguing the internet. He went so far as to finger St. Runway himself, Tim Gunn, as being one of his jealous, petty detractors, who used his blog to help fuel a growing online conspiracy bent on painting Libretti as a delusional hack with a God complex, as opposed to the fashion visionary who started the now white-hot trend of gluing spangles to a salad bowl and calling it a hat. Realizing that there's hardly enough time in one 60-minute special to really express his unique point of view, BravoTV.com has done him the favor of allowing him to further vent on the blogspot scourge:

We've made no secret of our fascination with Bravo executive Andy Cohen's blog: Unlike his stuffy-shirted peers, with their dreary preoccupations with developing programming and ratings, Cohen is always at the ready with a starfuckery anecdote and a smile. Today, Andy reviews a Super Important People's screening of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette:

Andy Cohen, Bravo network's executive blogging yenta, packed more starfuckery action into a single Emmy weekend than most of his peers manage in an entire awards season. Bucking the conventional wisdom that a couple can't bestow upon itself an annoying, hybrid nickname, "Brandy" (Andy + goyische manlover Bruce) dressed up to the nines in spiffy tuxedos and patent leather Gucci flip-flops, then shuffled from ceremony to soirees, later using a handy trail of dropped names and air kisses to find their way back. Some highlights:

Project Runway audiences will not soon forget Vincent Libretti, the middle-aged crackpot who at any moment is capable of exploding into a doggie outfit-induced fit of hysterical laughter, as fellow contestants inch cautiously away. Thanks to YouTube, we now have a glimpse of what Libretti had been up to in the pre-Runway years: He stars in Are You In?, a short film, seemingly custom-fitted to his particular brand of fruitcake talents. Playing, as one commenter aptly puts it, "a technofaggotronic Woody Allen," Libretti sputters nonsense into a headset on a city street before walking into a laundromat and stripping down for an unobstructed, rear view shot. Yes, Libretti goes full-assal, revealing a taut set of mancakes, the very sight of which would surely turn Tim Gunn five shades of red before mumbling something about the Macy's accessories wall and scurrying towards the nearest exit.

Bravo executive Andy Cohen updates his blog with such inspiring passion and prolificacy that we're amazed he has any time left over for his primary duties, such as submitting himself to star in his own series. We were relieved today to see that, after a brief sojourn into more sober territory with his recent call for a Jessica Simpson jihad, Cohen is back to what he does best: unzipping and overturning his manclutch, allowing the celebrity names within to tumble to his flip-flopped feet with a reverberating clunk.

For weeks now, a search has been on to find the perfect three Gays to join Joan Rivers on her upcoming Bravo talk show, Can We Dish?. (For the pitch-arithmetic inclined, the show is basically The View - 3 loud women + 3 loud women with dicks.) The enormous field of sassy-mouthed opinion-havers was eventually whittled down to ten, and according to Page Six, a surprise favorite has emerged: Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, best known for his "I am a gay American" resignation speech. But with the other two spots still open, a Defamer operative tells us that none other than Jessica Simpson-loathing Bravo executive Andy Cohen managed to pull some strings and score an audition for himself:

There's always something of interest in Bravo network's Andy Cohen's blog, where a Freaky Friday-ish scenario appears to have taken place in which a male, adult TV executive has magically traded bodies with that of a highly temperamental and starstruck 14-year-old girl. Take, for example, Cohen's recent musings on the subject of Jessica Simpson, which, surprisingly enough, weren't accompanied by margin annotations of the heart-encircled-'Mrs. Andy Gyllenhaal'-variety: