Antonio Villaraigosa, the first Latino Mayor of Los Angeles, is a Democratic party darling. Lots of observers think he has a nice career ahead of him in California state politics or maybe even national office. He shows up on TV a lot, delivered the Spanish-language response to the 2006 State of the Union, and hey, there he is lined up with Larry Summers and Robert Reich in Obama's Economic Superfriends Advisors Meetup Party! Oh, good for him. God, let's hope that his role in the Obama Administration is limited to that photo-op, because his success thus far is due mostly to how much the LA press sucks and the fact that no one out east pays attention to left coast politics. Did you hear about his sexy Telemundo Affair? Maybe you did, and forgot about it, or forgot the details, because who cares about what the mayor of Los Angeles does? The Los Angeles Times doesn't even care what the mayor of Los Angeles does! Their political reporters had the story of the end of Villaraigosa's marriage, and they put it on page B-4. They also, oddly, left out the reason for the split, which surely they could've found out with a couple minutes of reporting—Villaraigosa was sleeping with a hot political reporter from Telemundo! The Times did get to the story eventually, but no one outside of LA noticed or really cared about Villaraigosa's infidelities. America is sort of beyond that, you know? The Republicans just ran a dude who married his mistress, and Newt Gingrich is looking good in 2012 (hah). What none of that changes is the fact that Villaraigosa is precisely the kind of telegenic useless Democrat who can get David Hasselhoff and Natalie Cole to play his mayoral inauguration and who then spends his term gallivanting around the world building recognition and support for his causes without having any causes beyond promoting himself. As the LA Weekly put it a couple months ago, "the mayor spends most of his working day flying in and out of town, holding staged press conferences, attending banquets, ceremonies and parties, raising political money and providing face time to high-powered special interest groups in a position to help his political advancement." So yes, of course it makes perfect sense that Villaraigosa was standing up there with President-elect Obama, because there were a shit-load of cameras there. But what the hell did he have to add to the discussion on the current economic crisis? Guys, let's not let this useless hack become an important new face of the Democrats in charge of the country, ok?

♦ Adam Platt visits Irving Mill (left) and Inside Park at St. Bart's for New York this week. Chef Ryan Skeen's "meaty, calorie-rich repertoire" earns two stars for Irving Mill, but Platt is a little less enthusiastic about Inside Park, which gets a single star on account of the "eerie" atmosphere and despite his description of the food as "generally first-rate." [NYM]
♦ Eater has pics of David Chang's new Momofuku Bakery/Milk Bar, which may open next week. [Eater]

Barack Obama just visited the White House! He's the next president, so he's required by tradition to meet the guy still squatting there through the end of the year. They pose for pictures, then disappear into the Oval Office for a private talk about Russia and Iran and the helicopter button and how the White House Coke machine is free and how you get to call the Redskins and call your own plays that they have to run every Sunday during the season. In other words, no news. The fun stuff doesn't get leaked out for months, sometimes years after both guys are safely out of the office. So how did everyone cover this important event? With babbling about symbolism and historic blah blah and the weather today.

Eric Schmidt said he won't be heading to Washington as President Obama's chief technologist. A tipster who claims inside info tells us that America's CTO of Change has already been chosen. Not surprising, but who? Who who who?

Now that Obama hath ascended to America's throne, it's time for everyone to speak loudly about the Lessons Learned. Did we learn that Obama won because eight years of heinous mismanagement made everyone hate Republicans? Ha, no, that would be far too easy. The real lessons are all these crazy marketing strategies the Obama campaign used, allegedly! After the jump, we'll tell you five actual lessons of the Obama victory, and why things haven't changed as much as everyone says: 1. Facebook doesn't mean shit: This is really the insight that gives us the most delight. All those Facebook groups for Obama and donating your Facebook status do not mean shit. They are a great way to feel as if you're participating in the campaign fight while actually doing nothing to sway any votes. Facebook is the epitome of preaching to the choir. To the extent that it's an easy and effective way to communicate with people, sure, it helps, and it will be adopted by both parties eventually to the extent that it makes their jobs easier, just like email and websites. But the idea that some sort of "Facebook activism" actually helped shift red states to blue states is just wrong. Offline tendencies drive online behavior, not vice versa. 2. TV is still king: With all the internet and the websites and the social networking and the blast emails and the online video and the microtargeting, you know what the most important weapon is for any campaign. TV ads, as always. That's where all that money you give on the internet gets spent (Obama spent $250 million on ads—which sounds like a lot until you compare it to, say, the $300 million Microsoft is spending for its current ad campaign). In terms of being a powerfully influential medium for moving voters, TV crushes the internet now and forevermore until further notice, the end. 3. The candidates matter: Did Barack Obama do better than John Kerry because Obama had a more sophisticated media strategy? OR was it because Obama is more competent, more likable, more telegenic, and was running against a teetering old warmonger who would be a heartbeat away from turning the Oval Office over to a fundamentalist Alaskan psycho woman? You decide. 4. Elections ride the swinging pendulum: When the nation swings as far to one end of the spectrum as we've been for the last eight years, with such disastrous results, you can bet it'll swing back to the other end. Honestly, Christopher Dodd with no Facebook page at all would have had a pretty decent shot at winning this year if he raised the money Obama did. It's the Democrats' time. 5. Campaign tactics are always evaluated in retrospect because the media has no idea what it's talking about, mostly: Here's how media experts evaluate the tactics of a presidential campaign: A campaign does something. The media sees what the reaction is. Then they "explain" why it was a good/ bad idea, based on whether it worked or not. If some tactic starts off slow and is pronounced a failure only to eventually start working, watch the media magically create a reason for this dynamic that does not include "We have no idea what we're talking about." This goes for us too, btw. Neither we or our media colleagues are any more able to predict the dynamics of an election in advance than you, the average idiot! The only prediction worth a shit is one made beforehand, that turns out to be right. And the person making that prediction is still not worth a shit unless they can make similar, accurate predictions repeatedly over an extended period of time. This is why everything that pundits say is good only for entertainment value, and Nate Silver will rule the world.

"I love working at Google and I'm very happy to stay at Google, so the answer is no," Google baldfaced-liar-in-chief Eric Schmidt told Jim Cramer on CNBC Friday, when asked if he'd take a job with the incoming administration. "Google is its own exciting opportunity." I know what you're thinking: Obama turned him down already, how cold is that? More likely, Schmidt truly doesn't want the job. He just wanted Obama to ask.Because, come on, why manage a bunch of government IT when you already run Google and park your jets next door at Nasa? The city of Washington, D.C. uses Google Docs. Schmidt doesn't need to become America's CTO, because he already is America's CTO. (Photo by Reuters/Carlos Barria)

So the election is over! What good news for us and what terrible news for... um, news. All the CNN and MSNBC and Fox junkies who were glued to the tube while the election Wehrmacht rolled its ruinous iron wheels over the land will now be leaving the news behind and returning to their regularly scheduled shitty programming. Or at least the people in charge of that shitty programming hope so! It's kind of a crock theory because news nets' ratings weren't that high that they seemed to be distracting a huge amount of TV watchers, and regular television was in a decline long before people started caring about politics anyway. But there must be some folks who traded their CSI for their POTUS and would now like an inroad back to the glorious world of primetime entertainment TV, hopefully with a methadone-dash of politics thrown in to add a bit of spice. And we've got a guide to Politics-related television for them, after the jump! How handy!

This is a clip from Eddie Murphy's standup special Delirious, recorded in Washington, DC in 1983, back when Eddie Murphy was funny. He is joking about the first black president, who, back then, was going to be Jesse Jackson, but the joke still works. It works so well, in fact, that it is basically the only joke about The First Black President. The L.A. Times sent a reporter out to the comedy clubs this weekend to watch black comedians make their black comedian jokes about Barack Obama, the new black president.

President Bush basically checked out six months ago, leaving the country rudderless and lost. We were distracted from this by a diverting election for a while, but now that's over. As President-elect Obama painfully explained in his first post-election press conference, we only get one president at a time. Except right now we get none! So maybe Obama should use today's White House transition meeting to figure out how to seize power, maybe? A coup, anyone? What else are they gonna do with the afternoon? Usually White House transition meetings are taken up with impressing upon the successor the awesome task ahead of him, but Obama probably understands that better than Bush does. So today Bush will probably just share some awesome White House secrets. The gold standard of terrible presidential transitions? The 1933 handover from Herbert Hoover to Franklin Roosevelt. Back then, the new president didn't take office until March, so there were four months of lame duck Hoover trying to fix the economy, and the banking crisis, while FDR just passive-aggressively let him fuck things up and promised to undo everything Hoover did, once in office.

The first family-to-be has been given their code names by the Secret Service. Barack Obama will be known as "Renegade"—at least when it comes to dark-suited agents whispering into the microphones attached to their cuffs. Michelle will be "Renaissance." And Malia and Sasha will go by "Radiance" and "Rosebud," respectively. [Chicago Tribune]

France's First Lady Carla Bruni, who's never met a spotlight opportunity she didn't like, is eagerly joining her husband Nicolas Sarkozy in praising the Obamas. Mrs. Sarkozy said in a TV interview that she "can't wait" to meet Michelle Obama: "To see this couple go to the White House is just magnificent." The Italian-born former model/actress also told a French newspaper that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's comments about Barack Obama's "tan" made her "pleased to have become French." [People, TFP]

Just which elite private school the Obamas pick for daughters Malia and Sasha Obama has turned into "one of the most closely watched contests in Washington," according to The Atlantic. Sidwell, Georgetown Day and Maret are considered the likeliest options, and Sidwell is the frontrunner since it has a history of presidential offspring (Chelsea Clinton and Tricia Nixon) and Hunter Biden, the vice president-elect's youngest son, happens to go there. The chance they'll send them to public school? "A long-shot scenario." [Atlantic]

" I stand by every word of the analysis... I have had to apologize for the stupid, silly subtitle." [Times]

It's been fun to watch the American press covering how foreigners react to Barack Obama. First we heard how nominee Obama was inspiring the black working class in Europe, along with fashionistas. Then president-elect Obama became the toast of the global intelligentsia, for his expected foreign policy changes. But now some little feuds are opening up across the Atlantic that will allow U.S. newspapers to give readers what they crave: A chance to laugh at sad, bickering Euros. Based on what the Times of London is saying, we foresee some front-page coverage!

Barack Obama and his "good bride" Michelle are set to meet the First Family at the White House Monday. This will be unavoidably awkward, what with Obama having spent the last two years talking about how terrible the Bush Administration has been and all. It certainly doesn't take the edge off things that Bush seemed deathly afraid to touch That One at their first meeting four years ago. Fox News tracked down the relevant passage in Obama's second memoir, the Audacity of Hope:

On some level we knew there'd be Obama impersonators, but we thought they would be more like the tiny Japanese guy who impersonates Obama, or Fred Armisen's bland but comforting impression, or Jordan Carlos. But now someone has taken up as our presidential-elect, and is roving around L.A. with bodyguards. Close your windows and doors, and put your daughters in underground shelters. This is not The One. He is a false One. But who is he?L.A. blogger YasmiNYC claims this grotesque effigy to The One is a Hollywood local, and she reports his growing popularity is a gruesome sight:

Ryan Lizza's New Yorker cover story may not contain as many juicy insider details as the ongoing Newsweek account, but don't stop reading yet. The Nov. 17 essay is a thinking man's expose of how Barack cruised to victory. Lizza evaluates Obama's management skills, terming him a man "not without an ego." It was precisely because he thought he knew better than everyone, Lizza writes, that he picked the right team to lead him to the White House. After the jump, the best tidbits about Barack the Boss.It's good to know the president-elect thinks as highly of himself as his supporters do:

The president elect's wonkish new chief of staff is former Clinton aide Rahm Emanuel. On this morning's This Week With George Stephanopoulos, the media began its love affair with the swarthy Jew by asking him all the softball questions we have come to expect when former Clinton aides chit chat. Barack's relationship with the cute little guy began many years earlier. At a 2005 event hosted by Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy, Emanuel was on the receiving end of a roast from the president-elect. If we can't make good comedy out of Obama, we can at least be entertained by his jokes. Click for the video.The look of love in Rahm's face as his favorite Democratic rising star keeds around with him is priceless:

From his first debate against Richard Nixon, John F. Kennedy was the television candidate, the first American politician who was a global icon in the way we conceive of it today. Plastered across the internet, the long campaign has already made Obama a household name in every country in the world. As he combated the idea that he was Paris Hilton during the campaign, Barack will have to distinguish himself from becoming the last Democratic golden boy. Here's how he can avoid the pitfalls.There was a sense that John F. Kennedy belonged to all of us, and in his inaugural call for service, he echoed the inclusion of everyone into that political moment. But JFK wasn't just about politics. His election — from its beginnings in the famous televised debate with Richard Nixon — was about creating a cultural image that Americans could comfortably desire.

This October was a slow month for most businesses, but not if you sell firearms. Anticipating crackdowns in the wake of an Obama win, there were 108,000 more background checks for gun purchases than this month last year. Fear of restrictions in the wake of a Democratic president usually is enough to spike weapons purchases from buyers scared they won't be able to get the perfect gift for the holidays. Virginia ten-year-old Austin Smith's fear of not getting a gun for Christmas strikes a deep chord in our Constitution-loving heart:The children of America have but one question: