WWD reports that Barack Obama plans to wear a union-made tuxedo by Hart Schaffner Marx to the inaugural balls on Jan. 20. Well, at least one important decision is out of the way! [WWD]

Hey, an Onion story came true. All these kids who became activists this year and spent hours volunteering to get Barack Obama elected? Now they have no purpose in life, and they are confused and adrift. 13 million email addresses and hundreds of thousands of trained volunteers, and nothing for them to do. These kids were trained in activism by political campaign, and post-election, the campaign has no use for them. Sad, really. Community organizers are disappointed.

Remember the last month of the campaign, when Barack Obama and David Plouffe would not stop emailing you begging for money? Oh, we need all the money in the world to beat these evil Republicans, they whined. It's all up to you! Send us a dollar or you won't get to abort your baby who'll be drafted to fight in Iraq for 100 years! Well it turns out they were running against an erratic old nut and his slow friend from church, and so even after they wasted a zillion extra dollars in the last three days of campaigning, the Obama campaign still ended up with $30 million left in the bank. $30 million!

The crowd in the top left picture there was gathered tonight in honor of future White House press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "[His] cock may be sore from the hours of blow jobs here but he retains his good humor," Time's Ana Marie Cox wrote from the frenzied mob. That's only half a joke: Gibbs may not be a hottie in the conventional sense (except in a dogfight), but if you're a journalist soon to cover the president-elect — and who isn't, on some level? — you better start the kissing up as soon as possible (preferably three years ago). Luckily for the Obama supplicants, this administration is considerably younger and hotter than the last, and even tops the Clinton administration, with its charming young George Stephanopoulos, the It Boy of his administration.

A feisty young blogger named Matt points out that John Edwards has not yet been given a job in the Obama administration. Shocking! As Matt points out, in his link, Edwards totally endorsed Obama last May, four months after he dropped out of the race and a mere week after Tim Russert famously declared the Democratic primary race "over" for Hillary Clinton. Despite the lateness of the endorsement it was universally acknowledged that Edwards wanted a job—then he had a sex scandal and now he will be lucky to get a job blogging about the law for Slate.

Barack Obama and George Bush have plenty of policy differences, of course, but does the President-elect really represent change when it comes to the wardrobe he's bringing with him to Washington? Maybe not! Both men are fond of American-made suits, white dress shirts, and light blue ties. And you'd be hard-pressed telling them apart if you only focused on the clothes, and you didn't get to peek at the size inside. (In case you're wondering, Obama wears a size 40 or 42; Bush is a 44 long.) On your left, you'll find our very own Presidential Fashion Challenge. See if you can tell which one is Barack Obama and which one is George Bush. It's harder than it looks.

Meet Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, an inept Republican politician on the order of, say a Katherine Harris. The Congresswoman hung up on Barack Obama twice today, and then put out a press release about it, and THEN mis-spelled "Barak's" name (and the name of his chief of staff) in the press release. Surely what's going on here is that Ros-Lehtinen, the longest-serving woman in Congress and no stranger to embarrassment, has learned all too well the apparent lesson of Sarah Palin's crank call from fake Nicolas Sarkozy: Dense politicians should not attempt to talk to famous strangers on the phone. But she's still incredibly stupid, as revealed by the hilarious chronology of events she published today:

Washington DC is already the most fun place in the world, what with its many free museums, intoxicated douchebags in popped collars, and Sassiest Boy in America Ian Svenonius. But for one magic week, next month, when the city is choked with hundreds of thousands more tourists than usual, you will be able to drink all night long. The DC City Council approved a 5 a.m. bar close!

Today, Barack Obama had his, what, fifteenth press conference in two weeks or something, to introduce America to his Secretary of Commerce, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. The assembled press had a very important question for the president-elect and his appointee: what happened to Bill Richardson's awesome primaries beard? Obama acknowledged his frustration with Richardson's decision to shave: "We're deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard," he said. Is this why Richardson didn't get the State job? Sure, the beard and also the fact that he's kind of a buffoon.

Our first black president might appoint our first openly gay cabinet member! Or, you know, maybe not. And the job is really one of the most toothless and sadly irrelevant in the cabinet. That's right: Secretary of Labor! As if there was even any of that "labor" stuff left, in this country. Anyways, please say hello to Mary Beth Maxwell.

Senator Hillary Clinton is forbidden from being the nation's Secretary of State—by the Constitution! All the hope in the world can't get around that little document, you monster. Here's the Constitutional bit in question, Article I, Section 6:

Dressing Michelle Obama for her husband's inauguration on January 20th will be one lucky fashion designer's dream come true: As images of the Obamas are beamed to every corner of the globe, her outfit will become instantly iconic. A long list of famous designers submitted sketches to WWD of the dresses they'd like to create for Mrs. O, and we're guessing they all spent a good deal of time thinking through every last detail. One thorny matter they all seemed to struggle with: what color to depict Michelle's skin. As you'll see from the gallery above (click here for a larger pic), some designers, like Monique Lhuillier and Rachel Roy, opted to entirely side-step the historic fact that our new First Lady will be African-American by not breaking out the brown pencil at all. A couple of people, including Carolina Herrera, contented themselves with a few vague tawny strokes, while others (Lacroix, for example) were apparently so delighted to finally get to use their darkest sketch marker that they went a little, um, overboard. One thing almost everyone agreed on, though? That Michelle has the waist of a 12-year-old girl.

Ok, guys, let's stop with the "working out with Obama" stories. It was already creepy when the insane German woman worked out next to him and slobbered all over our president-elect ("he didn't sweat at all!" "toned arms and a strong back" "WHAT A MAN!"). Now, Philadelphia "musical director and choregorapher" Stepp Stewart breathlessly describes working out next to Barack Obama for NBC Philadelphia, and this one is somehow even worse. Stepp's amazing tale (all emphasis his), below:

So bookstores are struggling, editors aren't allowed to acquire new projects or even eat a decent lunch, and it's never been a worse time for aspiring authors with dreams of literary stardom. (Unless they're Jewish comedians or former child-star drug addicts, that is.) But wait! Is it possible that Barack Obama will singlehandedly turn the tide and redeem literary culture? The President-elect was recently photographed with a copy of Nobel Laureate Derek Walcott's Collected Poems, much to the delight of Farrar, Straus and Giroux president Jonathan Galassi, who, after picking up his own poetry prize at the Mercantile Library Center for Fiction Awards last night, said: "Obama is a big reader, and he's an author, so people are paying attention to what he reads. He could have a lot of influence on books and what's read." Indeed. Now, if Michelle could just be seen reading, say, a Joan Didion novel, another angel will get its wings and a few more editorial assistants will still have their jobs come Christmas.

Antonio Villaraigosa, the absentee publicity whore mayor of Los Angeles, will not be heading to Washington. Villaraigosa was up on stage behind Barack Obama during last month's introduction of the magic economy-fixing team of advisors, for reasons that were utterly unclear (the man's financial expertise begins and ends with his ability to leverage an ineffective mayoralty into political superstardom). According to Antonio, he totally had a serious conversation with the president-elect about a possible appointment, but (once again according to Antonio) he turned Obama down.

President-elect Obama—allegedly a 'man of the people'—is allegedly buying a fancy $30,000 ring for his fancy wife, allegedly! It was in the trusty Daily Mail, and now it's the top story on Drudge, meaning it is the single most important news story in all the world. Elitist Obama drops 30K on bling for his wife during a recession—and this bling will be made out of rhodium, the world's most expensive metal! This story is almost certainly bullshit, and we will tell you exactly why. [Updates below—we were right]:

The Obama team has released its first transition donor list! Among the usual gang of employees of the nation's largest defense contractors (Boeing, Lockheed, and Raytheon have four donors between them!), trial lawyers, radical academics, and government employees, we found this transparent example of yet more illegal donations. Just look at who "Doug Berman," $500 donor, claims to work for.

Sure, Barack Obama appointed a number of women to prominent positions in his national security team, but he is still a patent misogynistic. How else to explain the terrible set-up of the podium at his press conference this morning? All the women had to readjust the microphones, which still looked like they were coming out of their heads. It's too much work to get a little milk crate for Hillary and Janet and Susan? We know Obama's a master of stagecraft and political spectacle, so we can only imagine that this was totally 100% intentional, appointing all these short women who you can barely see. After all, Robert Reich didn't have to speak at the economic team press conference, did he? Click for our video compilation of mic-adjusting humiliation!

Hey, Barack Obama's on the TV. Remember when he introduced the people who'd save the economy, week before last? Now, it is time to save the entire world. Please welcome his all-star national security team, starring Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, a Republican, and a retired General! New Beginnings guaranteed or your money back!

Did you happen to catch Barack Obama's weekly camboy YouTube this Thanksgiving? Earnest and adorable as ever, the Office of the President Elect was unsubtle in its marketing; the word "new" appeared seven times in its 600-word speech on the economy, including two prominent instances of what appears to be the Obama administration's new catchphrase: "New Beginning." It looks like we have the much-awaited replacement term for "stimulus," "bailout" and "recovery package," all of which are despised by voters.