Hayden Panettiere muse and martyr, Amanda Knox has sold her memoir to HarperCollins for a cool four million bones. The rights to Knox's 2007 giallo in Perugia were put up for auction in a days-long battle between the top names in publishing.

Commonly acknowledged worst living mouth-breather, Chris Brown has struck gold again. According to US Weekly, the belligerent singer has refined his pick-up lines so that they are more, uh, relevant.

Zelda Kaplan, the hard-partying 95-year-old socialite who has been a fixture of the New York scene since the '60s, collapsed right in the middle of the Joanna Mastroianni fashion show at Lincoln Center yesterday, just as the second model walked past her. She was later pronounced dead. This is the first time a fashion show has literally been deadly boring.

Beginning with last night's rerun episode, which focused on Herman Cain, The Colbert Report has temporarily suspended production for at least a week. Seems like the suspension was a surprise to everyone involved with the show, considering ticketholders to last night's episode weren't notified of the cancellation until the last minute.

More than 350 people are dead after fire consumed a crowded prison in Honduras late Tuesday night. The official word is that the blaze started when an inmate purposely set fire to his own mattress. Some 100 inmates died in their cells, as firefighters were unable to locate keys to free them.

Oh-oh, a new study of entry-level investment bankers finds the young masters of the universe afflicted with "insomnia, alcoholism, heart palpitations, eating disorders and an explosive temper." And that's the young ones. Why destroy yourself like that? There are lots of safer activities than investment banking.

Last night, a horribly inbred beast called "Malachy" was named Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. What is this thing? It is a...

Whole Foods, the grocery store for pretentious upper class urbanites and those who aspire to be same, wants to make it clear to the world that it is not a grocery store for pretentious upper class urbanites. Not at all. What gave you that idea?

A Pekingese named Malachy won Best in Show at the 136th Westminster Kennel Club dog show Tuesday night, beating out the breed of dog you have even though it's obvious that that breed is the one that should have won.

The Pew Center on the States released the details today of a study that found almost two million deceased Americans still have active registration on voter rolls. This puts the dead leaps ahead of the 51 million U.S. citizens who are eligible, but not registered, to vote.

Food simulacra purveyor McDonald's has announced that it will "take actions" to "phase out" the use of gestational crates—tiny little pens for pregnant pigs that don't allow the pregnant pigs to turn around for four months, fucking them up in all sorts of ways—among the company's pork suppliers. "There are alternatives that we think are better for the welfare of sows," a McDonald's executive said in a statement that was probably a real chuckle for pregnant pigs. "I'll say!" said the tortured pigs with a good-natured laugh.

In order to salvage a tanking economy, Greece is expected to pass a package of severe budget cuts — and many citizens are not taking it well. As Parliament prepared to vote on the new plan, which would cut 3.3 billion euro from people's wages and pensions, protesters began rising up, starting a series of fires using homemade explosives.

Whitney Houston's sudden death on Saturday has had producers of the Grammys scrambling to include a fitting last-minute tribute. Fellow diva (as christened by VH1) Jennifer Hudson will be performing "I Will Always Love You" at tonight's ceremony, but according to The Hollywood Reporter, she is having a trouble holding herself together.

The day after her mother Whitney Houston's death, Bobbi Kristina Brown has been rushed to Cedars-Sinai hospital, TMZ reports.

I don't have much to add to this piece by Sasha Pasulka, "I'm Not Okay With Chris Brown Performing at the Grammys and I'm Not Sure Why You Are." But the internet is abuzz with reaction, and I do think it's worthy of discussion — even if I completely agree with the author.

Everyone's favorite pundit and reality star Sarah Palin has yet to endorse a Republican presidential candidate. (But Sarah, there are so many great options to choose from.) The Washington Times has an article about Palin's appearance on Fox News Sunday, where she (predictably) pondered the question of Romney's conservatism.

Can we chalk this one up to the grieving process affecting his judgment? In the wake of Whitney Houston's death, Tony Bennett performed in tribute to her at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy gala. And while I believe his heart was in the right place, he had some baffling things to say about the way we treat drugs in this country.

It's been less than a day since Whitney Houston died, but the show must go on. And that doesn't just refer to the Grammys, which will air tonight as scheduled. MTV News reports that Sparkle, Houston's final film and her first since 1996's The Preacher's Wife, will be released in August.

The Associated Press Twitter account reports that Whitney Houston has died at age 48, as confirmed by her publicist. The cause of death has not been determined.

Can we always call him "feisty Ron Paul" the way Steve Peoples of the Associated Press does? In an AP article republished by MSNBC, Paul reflects on his chances in Maine, which he believes are good. Romney can probably stand to lose another one of these caucuses, right? And a Paul win would bring his name back into the discussion, as we cycle between the final four unelectable Republican presidential candidates.