Serial Butt Stabber Caught, Butts Everywhere Rejoice

The serial butt stabber's reign of terror is finally over. Authorities arrested suspect Johnny D. Guillen in Peru earlier this week, and have begun the process to extradite him back to the United States.
Guillen, who is also known by the amazing nickname "Corta Nalgas," or "butt cutter," is wanted for stabbing the butts of at least 13 women in the northern Virginia area from February to July of last year. Most of the attacks occurred in malls, where the butt stabber would distract his victims before making a small cut through their pants. As brutal as that sounds, the injuries were all relatively mild. Even so, I'd suggest wearing butt padding whenever you shop. It's a dangerous world out there.