Optimism Is For Stupid Idiots
The Way We Live Now: Gobsmacked. What's this, unemployment is going up? But we were so optimistic there for a minute. And now our Swiss Bank is closing up shop. Don't tell us to be positive! Positivity has failed us!
Once upon a time that must have only been like a week ago, we had already stopped worrying about all this unemployment, because it had plateaued or the rate of increase had decreased or whatever they were saying on CNBC. Something good. But now, hey, whoa, they "ran the numbers" and whatnot and "The number of newly laid-off workers filing claims for unemployment benefits rose unexpectedly for a second consecutive week." Which is bad news for the desperate unemployed as well as for the employed, who will be killed for their jobs by the desperate unemployed.
And it's bad for us, since we invested every god damn cent in those "Welcome To The World of Employment!" Cafe Press store we opened up last week. And shit, our secret Swiss bank account just got turned over to the fucking US government, while the actual Swiss walked off with $900 mil.
No the level of service we expect from our Swiss banking partners. Fuckers.
Clearly, we as Americans have our "backs to the wall," in the sense of "about to rob the next old lady we see for cigarette money." We're all running back to colleges and begging for more financial aid , lest our children become uneducated paupers rather than paupers with useless college degrees. We will do anything—anything!—necessary to pull ourselves out of this economic gutterditch.
