The Dow got boned to the tune of -411 today and people are talking the big R. If things get bad, our hierarchy of needs goes: cats, TV, clothing, food, and, least important, medical care. Not when there's solid things to wreck with our bodies! WATCH Stylista [9 PM, CW] - This week the contestants scramble to pick out a last minute outfit for Anne Slowey before managing a photo shoot for designer Tory Burch. Our favorite contestants are Danielle, an overweight 22 year-old Pratt Institute drop-out that Anne Slowey makes the politically correct point of complimenting each week, and Kate, who cries each episode, worships fashion icon Jessica Simpson, and ignites fights like this.

Top Chef: New York [10 PM, Bravo] - In tonight's 75 minute season premiere, the contestants create dishes inspired by different cultural neighborhoods of NYC. Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio and Gail Simmons return as judges and Jean-Georges Vongerichten guest-judges tonight. We know what creepy shut-ins/friends of ours do when they watch porn, but what about food porn? Oh, right. TiVo Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work [8 PM, PBS] - The first of a three part documentary showing what a day in the lives of the British royals is like, including Queen Elizabeth II's 2007 trip to the States and the much-publicized Annie Leibovitz photo shoot gone wrong. It's like The Real Housewives of Atlanta only less real and without flava. OK, maybe Prince Charles has a little flava.

South Park [10 PM, Comedy Central] - Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny involve themselves in the elementary school musical, if only to remain more popular than Butters. Last week, South Park managed to get Palin in leather, but we doubt Zac Efron will be appearing in the buff. KILL Human Wrecking Balls [10:30 PM, G4] - In the anticipated series debut, martial artists/hosts/brothers Craig and Paul Pumphrey, destroy a car with their bare hands. Dear G4, Maybe it's time to come up with some programming that requires a complicated explanation. We will admit to watching Hurl! (people eat a lot and then do vigorous activities) a couple of times, but taking a half-hour to destroy something is bo-rang.

Making of Four Christmases [8:45 PM, HBO] - Given that you can catch puff-piece junket interviews with movie stars with on-set B-roll dropped in on Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, The Insider, Extra, E! News and a million online interview shows, HBO would be better served showing promising short films during this quarter-hour. Remember when HBO was edgy? That was back when Vince Vaughn was thin.