Who will move the E-meter needle tonight? If Katie can't do it, we know Cloris will. WATCH Scream Awards 2008 [9 PM, Spike] - Here's an awards show that won't bore you to tears. Taped last Saturday at The Greek Theatre, the Scream Awards honor sci-fi, horror and fantasy entertainment. Many of us remember a delightful Page Six item from two years ago involving Quentin Tarantino, finger-sucking and sliders which was courtesy of the Screams. If that wasn't enough motivation to cancel that rendezvous with your tennis coach, note that Tim Burton arrives onstage via hot air balloon, George Lucas accepts an award while flanked by stormtroopers and the Smashing Pumpkins perform.

Eli Stone [10 PM, ABC] - Despite the endless promos across all Disney platforms of Katie Holmes shimmying through Eli Stone's fantasies, we're still champing at the bit for tonight's epi. One hopes that other ABC shows pull their own Scientolo-stunt-casting: Tom Cruise as a rival pie maker on Pushing Daisies would be event TV, for sure. TiVo Dancing With the Stars [9 PM, ABC] - We hope Leachman's sexy salsa was enough to save her from a trip to the shed on tonight's results show. If you missed her break step all over the competition last night, TiVo the 8 PM recap show. The streets will run whitish-orange with Metamucil if she doesn't win it all.

The Mentalist [9 PM, CBS] - After a deceitful investment banker is found murdered inside his locked safe room, Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) mentally works over the suspects. We didn't believe in his quasi-psychic powers until last week when we saw him use his irresistible coiffure, icy blue eyes and gentle touch to literally mind-fuck a coworker into revealing where the van keys were hidden. KILL

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency [10 PM, Oxygen] - Although it's mildly amusing to witness out-of-touch Janice hate on plus-size models, watching the season finale of this ANTM knock-off is only recommended if you're feeling extra-masochistic and want to skip the knife-play. For added torture, stay tuned for the reunion special to follow. Frank TV [11 PM, TBS] - Tonight's Season Two premiere marks the beginning of a new round of shopworn Frank Caliendo impressions. If you have been in the remote vicinity of a television in the last year, especially one with the baseball playoffs on, you have already seen enough of Caliendo via show promos or Dish Network commercials to know that you hate him.