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· Universal's backlot goes up in flames. King Kong doesn't make it. And we're left with a few burning questions.
· We brave Mike Myers' silicone nipples to bring you the greatest 2008 MTV Movie Awards Liveblog (as typed on a laptop from their yellow carpet and a cramped seat inside the Gibson Amphitheater) you're ever likely to read.
· Werner Herzog demands to know: Who is this Abel Ferrara you keep speaking of? A Defamer Exclusive!
· Clint Eastwood, meanwhile, demands to know why Spike Lee can't shut his stupid face. Says Spike: "Sal, how come you ain't got no brothers up on your Oscar mantle?"
· The Week in Misunderstood Genius Manoj Shyamalan: When is an ego not an ego? The Crapening: The Penis Part 2.
· $55,700,000 buys you a crapload of Blahniks.
· What we want to know is, how come we never get to indulge in any high-end Hollywood dinner-party gossip like the one about Gina Gershon getting nailed by Bill Clinton on Ron Burkle's Big Bunny. Who cares if it's not true!
· Star of Paper Moon nabbed filling her Glass Pipe.
Phew—that was a close one.
· Angelina WombWatch: Is someone feeding ET phony tips? Or is this a massive maternitywear coverup?
·Lindsay Lohan is bringing home the bacon, one lesbian tell-all and fake-pregnancy-comedy paycheck at a time.
·The producers of the I Spit On Your Grave remake are wondering how to up the shock-factor, to which we have two words: real castrations.
·The only thing Jodie Sweetin is addicted to now is love! For her child!
·Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham will never work out, because he's a notorious commitmentphobe and not ready for kids.
·Ed McMahon finally runs out of sidekick-dollars.
· There's whispers the Olsen twins might not be getting along, when they can remember which of the Olsen twins they are.
· Is Whitney Port going to anchor MTV's latest enhanced-reality sensation, Deep Valley: The Real Van Nuys? Stay tuned!
· And finally, Choke's anal beads.