Britney Spears Can't Even Trust The People She Pays To Raise The Babies
Though their stranglehold on the best position in the "Britney Spears Is A Bad Mother Literature" section of magazine racks across the nation is unquestioned, Us Weekly's glossy jihad against the baby-fumbling pop star's parenting skills may be losing some intensity if their most shocking follow-up to the classic covers of the last two weeks, HELP! MOMMA PUTS THE SODA POP IN MY FORMULA BOTTLE, Y'ALL! and MY TWISTED HOT-TUB NIGHT PLAYING MOTORBOAT BETWEEN BRITNEY'S BOOBIES is their new issue's BRIT'S NANNIES TELL ALL. (Among this week's crimes: undressing in front of employees, enjoying adult beverages near the kids, nanny bed-sharing).
Us was, however, just a few font point-sizes from greatness: Had they promoted the bullet items DRUNK WITH THE BABIES and BIZARRE NUDITY to the main headline, the mag would be flying off checkout stands as gossip-hungry readers prepared to read the disturbing story of how Spears loves to watch Baby Einstein videos with Sean Preston and the other one while wearing nothing but a novelty beer helmet, constantly interrupting the kids' TV-larnin' to tell them, "Watch how fast mommy can finish these two cans of Coors Light! I'm down to twenty seconds!"
UPDATE:Us is really getting creamed in the hilariously sensationalist cover game this week: Lesbianism! Reproductive regret! More teeth whitening allegations!
