The course of cackling-hens-sitting-on-a-couch-and-clucking-about- current-events history has been irrevocably altered: Rosie O'Donnell has just announced that she will not be returning to The View next year, a decision she blames on an inability to reach acceptable contractual terms for her daily involvement in the show. (Insiders reveal the impasse was reached when ABC's legal department flatly refused to install a button on the set that would deliver a paralyzing electric shock to longtime nemesis Donald Trump's genitals each time it was pressed.) We know that your initial response to this sad news is to rush through your house or place of business and smash all the mirrors you can find, then use the jagged shards to carve "ROSIE" on the underside of your forearm, but take heart: she will be dropping by occasionally to guest host and deliver special reports, and, when the spirit moves her, just to choke that skinny bitch Hasselbeck a little.