Today is Alex Balk's day off. He gets one day each month for depilation. I will be your slightly slutty substitute teacher until he returns tomorrow all pink and oyster-backed.

The name is Choire—it's a boy name, it's pronounced "Cory"—and I like rich people, Cat Fancy magazine, and fratty i-bankers with thick necks. My biggest dislikes are tooth extractions and people who "enjoy" living in Brooklyn. If you enjoy it so much, why are you here in Manhattan telling me about it?

Beginning on Monday, I'll be managing this here piece of the internet.

The most important thing is that you know that my email inbox is your playground.