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· "Lindsay, I'm your boyfriend. And I have my hands all over your breasts. You still sticking to your story that they're real?"

· The Crocodile Hunter's tragic death by stingray was caught on film, leading the AP to worry, "In the age of instant Web videos, might it get out?" NBC executives are already monitoring YouTube for its appearance, hoping to get a leg up on optioning it for a series.

· Meanwhile, a largely unsympathetic animal kingdom speaks out on Irwin's passing.

· Publicity-shy Basic Instinct screenwriter Joe Eszterhas thinks Val Kilmer is an imbecile, Michael Douglas is dumb, and that Sharon Stone once unintentionally engaged in water sports with a movie crew.

· Gawker mascot (and onetime Defamer statistician*) Andrew Krucoff uncovers a viral Jackass 2 promotion. [*We only claim a relationship when he urinates on things.]