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Carefully worded publicist protestations to the contrary notwithstanding, it would appear that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are one "accidentally" spilled poolside vodkatini from scooping out each other's eyes with expensively manicured nails and some choice weave-yanking, cankle-biting savagery. A Defamer operative had a chance encounter with The Character That Paris Hilton Plays in Malibu this weekend that suggests that the Firecrotch Feud is still very much in play

6 p.m., Saturday, July 15: I'm in the pet store in the Malibu Country Mart, shopping for dog toys, when a large group of people enters and heads over to look at the $2,000 puppies. They're making so much noise, and they sound so self-entitled, that they can only be the posse of a famous person. Not wanting to out myself as Someone Who's Actually Excited to See a Famous Person, I don't look that closely, so I'm not immediately sure who it is. Then a cell phone rings from the territory they've occupied, and it's turned up so loud that it has to belong to the Famous Person and not a mere member of the entourage. I turn and look, and six feet away is Paris Hilton, in a white dress, white shoes and white-frame bug-eye shades, looking at the Caller ID on her cell.

She looks annoyed at her phone. "It's Firecrotch," she says, and pushes the button to send the call to voicemail.

"I can't believe she's calling you," says Sycophantic Entourage Member no. 1.

"I know," chimes in S.E.M. no. 2. S.E.M. nos. 3 through 6 all agree.

There is a brief pause while they turn back to the puppies. I select a dog toy and stand in line to pay. I notice Paris' bodyguard, who is standing a few feet away, and a single paparazzo, who is standing just outside the store taking pictures.

The phone rings again. Paris looks at it again. "It's Firecrotch AGAIN," she says, and again sends the call to voicemail. "I can't believe she keeps calling me. What a bitch."

I pay and leave. My dog toy costs $15 and should be $6.99, but it's well worth it. From this episode I have learned:

1. Paris Hilton has squandered a self-promotional opportunity by using one of Motorola's default ringtones.

2. Despite any soothing words from the various PR flacks, the great Hilton/Lohan feud apparently proceeds unabated.

3. You should really adopt a homeless pet from your local shelter instead of getting an overpriced purebred from the Malibu pet shop.

Today's Page Six has an item describing Hilton's further Lohan-baiting antics at an event the same day at the Polaroid Beach House* in Malibu (currently the official high school cafeteria of Young, Annoying, and Overprivileged Hollywood—someone at Polaroid really deserves a raise for this brainstorm), which we fully expect to be the venue that hosts the first-ever beachside shooting of a celebutard hotel heiress by an actress who got her start in Disney movies.