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We naively thought that sweat-slicked oil heir Brandon "Ask Me About My Feelings On Lindsay Lohan's Pubic Hair" Davis' heartfelt recitation of a lovingly crafted, publicist-composed apology might finally bring an end to the Shitfaced Firecrotch Diatribe flap. How could we have been so foolish? Today's Page Six pens an epilogue to the sad affair, reporting that Davis' grandmother has claimed that Davis and Lohan—in a stunning reversal!—are now dating. Predictably, official Protector of Lohan's Virtue, superflack Leslie Sloane Zelnick, puts any such notion in a burlap sack and drowns it in the nearest body of water:

"It is unfortunate that Barbara Davis is desperate enough to make up a lie about Lindsay dating her grandson.

"Lindsay took the high road and accepted Brandon's apology last week, but they are not dating and they did not go to dinner together. Lindsay is dating several men who live overseas." (That's several men, lest any of Lohan's foreign suitors think they have the freckle-faced phenom all to themselves.)

The denying of a liaison with a domestic undesirable by asserting her client's sexual availability overseas is a bold gambit, but if any publicist can pull off such a high-level move with grace, it's Sloane Zelnick, perhaps the leading out-of-the-box thinker in the entire field of crisis management. Should this incident not quickly fade from the public eye, look for Lohan to drop out of sight briefly, a sudden absence from the social scene that Zelnick will ascribe to her presence at a weeklong swingers' cruise aboard a yacht in the Greek Isles attended solely by former lovers of Paris Hilton.