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We'll keep this as brief as possible, but Extra is reporting that Rosie O'Donnell will be named as the newest cackling hen in The View's celebrity chicken pen tomorrow. (Patricia Heaton fans, please stop running the bath and put away those razor blades, she'll get another job. Everything's gonna be OK, we promise.) We immediately paid a visit to Rosie's blog for any hint of the news, but as we expected, all we could find was a typical stream-of-consciousness haiku ending in this American Idol meditation: "idol is on now/i wonder if paula will cry/or be slurry/whassss up dooogggg."

Please return to your lives and let's never speak of this again.