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Girlhacker's Random Log has compiled its fourth annual list of the contents of the official Oscar gift bag from collected press releases, news stories, and publicist whispers. Among the usual smattering of expensive trips that go largely unredeemed, luxury knickknacks, and fancy cheeses (yup!) is this incredibly valuable freebie for the family member most neglected on awards night:

The Loved Dog: Personal Training gift card, 3-night stay at Doggie Daycare, and a Luxury Dog Bed. Tamar Geller, a renowned life-coach for dogs and their people, will introduce dogs and their companions to her innovative methods for creating a better relationship.

Of course, bringing one's pooch to see a life-coach can be something of a double-edged sword. While it's nice to pamper the only living being in your life that will still lick your face after a career disaster (at least until the doggie spa treatments dry up), it's just as likely that any good canine therapist will use her one-on-one sessions with your puggle to explore the destructive imbalance in your relationship, and you might one day return home to find that your newly self-actualized pet has fled your den of suffocating co-dependence for an emotionally healthier owner with a nicer doggy-door.