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· Oscar Countdown: $2 million gets you: 1 Oscar party, or 1 Oscar commercial. How many different ways can Oscar host Jon Stewart say the same thing? And the Oscar for Best Humility goes to George Clooney. Wait! It's a tie! Dan Futterman, get up here! Kodak Theater to equip every seat in the house with bad-taste-sickness bags.
· It's Spider-Man time again. Which means Tobey's on the treadmill.
· Elijah Wood gets a latte and a pitch.
· Daniel Battsek ushers in the new "sane and boring" era to Miramax.
· Riding high on a wave of gay cowboy glory, Ang Lee looks ahead, to Moss on Theron action.
· Britney gets some work.
· Life & Style: Bert Fields is about to squeeze the last breath out of you. But god, we're in awe of your glossy cojones.
· "Um, Mr. Ford? The photoshoot has been over for nearly an hour now..."
· Teenage stars get away with drinking alcohol! In other news, Earth is round, Pope: Catholic.
· Dakota Fanning's body turns 12; soul still hovering around 48.
· Let's just say this wasn't exactly Daniel Craig's week.
· Ha ha! Not so hot now, are you, Miss "Forgot-to-feed-the-meter"?!
· Scott Stapp's ferocious nipples put back into their cage for the moment.
· Feud Week! Paris Vs. Mischa! Donald Vs. Martha! Goldberg Vs. McDonald! Donald Vs. Martha 2! Martha Vs. Donald!
· "I AM big! It's the pictures that got small. And gay. And inexistent."
· Jeremy Piven is Los Angeles mag's cover jackass of the month.