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Exciting news for residents of Montebello looking to perhaps whore-up their staid image: The Paris Hilton Prurient Express will be making a stop at your local Robinsons-May this afternoon, where a two or more item purchase from one of Hilton's signature fragrance lines (suggested retail price: $53 each) will be rewarded by an autographed picture from the master parfumier herself!

LIVE PARIS HILTON APPEARANCE AT ROBINSONS MAY

Paris Hilton will be making a special live appearance at Montebello Town Center s Robinsons-May! Thursday, February 9, 2006 from 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM. To receive an autograph, you must purchase two or more items from one of her perfume lines. Space is limited. You have four choices of perfume to choose from: Paris Hilton Fragrance for men and women and Just Me Fragrance for men and women. Please see store associate for further details

We've tested them all, and found the standout to be Just Me for Women, with its feminine yet zesty blend of whore extract and skank-nectar heart notes and — could it be? — undercurrents of baby powdered latex, playfully mixing with the floral undertones of wilting ladyflower, all beautifully presented in a bottle whose elegant contours were inspired by the heiress' famous vagina.