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· Critics everywhere fall all over themselves heaping praise and going Golden Globe gaga over the gay cowboy movie, further pushing us to a fearsome Brokeback Police State, where any criticism above a hushed whisper will result in you being instantly shot (a dirty gay look).
· Meanwhile, the $207 million dollar "little monkey" is performing way below expectations, sending Universal execs out very jittery and questioning their "gut reactions" over the weekend.
· The Week in Paramount/DreamWorks: Brad Grey drunk dials his entire company, with a gushy e-mail trumpeting the successful suctioning of DreamWorks into the Paramount machine. Later that week, everyone gets an iPod shuffle, the iPod no one wants, and Grey offers JJ Abrams everything short of an SKG fourgy if he would defect from Disney to his lot.
· There is a killer loose at William Morris, and he wants your fish.
· UTA's "Lucky Bars" are sent to virtually every assistant in Hollywood, and are greedily consumed without anyone noticing the tiny bugging chip planted in every nougatty center. Within one week, there isn't a secret in this city UTA doesn't know.
· Benderspink's 2005 Christmas card is a pedophile's legal loophole dream come true.
· Lions Gates' Lionsgate's bold new look leaves us a little...confused.
· Because a movie isn't truly cursed with bad luck until its star is sent to rehab mid-production, Miami Vice's Colin Farrell takes a little "exhaustion holiday."
· Kitson now carries Asian orphans.
· Brandon Routh's lunchbox thermos is causing problems for Superman Returns. His response: choke on it!
· He judged American Idol. Now he's judging feet. So he has the experience. Why isn't Quentin Tarantino being nominated for the Supreme Court?
· Dave Chappelle's finances come out in court. We've heard the legends of blunts rolled in $100 bills. Now we believe them. And was Oprah trying to scare Dave into stopping his show? You decide.
· Steve Guttenberg is under the mistaken impression that he's sitting on Chappelle money. It makes for great comedy, though!
· Where's Ben Affleck? Elsewhere! Selling stuff!
· Britney Spears and Kevin Federline catch a Grove screening of Memoirs of a Geisha. Kevin wants to leave early, making us wonder if perhaps this guy is brighter than he lets on.