Friday
 · ESPN's Sports Guy, the inimitable (and regrettably Red Sox-obsessed) Bill Simmons, signs his book Now I Can Die in Peace at Barnes & Noble at The Grove. And if you get him started, he'll discuss the relative merits of The OC's Coop and Summer for a solid hour while scribbling his name in your book.
· The Egyptian Theatre goes appropriately apeshit for old-school Kong flicks, with Son of Kong tonight and the 1933 King Kong tomorrow night.
Saturday
 · The Not For Tourists folks will pour free vodka down your throat between 9:30-10:30pm at their release party at Guy's, and the first 350 people who remember to print out and bring an invite get a free NFT guide.
· We're not sure what exactly will go on at A John Waters Christmas (at UCLA's Royce Hall), but we hope that he's not going to dress special guest Peaches in a Santa suit and make her eat reindeer poop.
· VH1's Rachel Harris (it seems she belongs to a basic cable channel now) joins the Upright Citizens Brigade's storied ASSSSCAT (four s's, check) improv mob as a guest monologist.
Sunday
 · The Skirball's Hanukkah Family Festival will not involve a campy John Waters take on the holiday. We hope.
· You will be far too exhausted after a fight to the near-death over a video iPod at the Grove Apple Store to even consider any kind of leisure activity. You should've finished your shopping three weeks ago, sucker.