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We can only imagine how Tom Cruise reacted to the events of 9/11, staring helplessly at his TV as he barked into a cellphone, "I don't care where you find me a Stealth Bomber, just get it!" His army of one was woefully underutilized that day, but Page Six reports that Cruise is still determined to become a 9/11 hero:

TOM Cruise will make a rare personal appearance tonight at the Tribeca Rooftop to raise money for a controversial Church of Scientology program that claims to be healing firefighters and rescue workers who breathed toxic smoke on 9/11. [...]


However, doctors say the "purification rundown" dreamed up by science fiction writer and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard is worthless quackery consisting of sauna sweating, ingestion of cooking oil and large doses of niacin.

And the program could even be harmful, because Cruise and company advise everyone to stop taking their prescription medications or using inhalers, just as he criticized Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants to relieve her postpartum depression.

Though there has been some concern from the FDNY over Cruise's insistence that all doctor prescribed medications be discontinued, once the firefighters, whose "2006 Hunk Calendar" is now available for purchase, simply strip down, don their towels and join Cruise in the sauna for their treatment, they will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly the "purification rundown" starts to work its healing magic.