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On any other day but the very special occasion of Tara Reid's 30th birthday, "You've come a long way, baby!" might come across as a trite sentiment. But after all we've been through together over the past months, as we grew unhealthily involved in Reid's globetrotting Taradise adventures (Nooo! Don't drink the entire bottle of grappa while waterskiing! Don't do it!), that well-worn phrase evokes both her public, personal evolution from party girl to party goddess and the physical distance traveled in search of the perfect open bar. Holy shit, we're tearing up. We're not gonna cry!

Happy 30th Birthday, Tara. We look forward to many more.

Also: The Desert of the Real imagines the party.