Press Release of the Day: Take a Letter, Jamison!
There have been no real advances in pen technology since the space pen... until now. Presenting, from Susblood Labs in research haven Las Vegas, NV, the ballpoint pen that will actually bring peace to the middle east.
LAS VEGAS, NV - October 25, 2005 - With global suicide bombings on the rise, more and more innocent lives are being destroyed. In response, Susblood Labs, LLC is introducing a quality writing instrument that contains a potent formulation including a non-toxic, cryogenically frozen porcine plasma (pig's blood) as a key component.
[...]
Susblood Labs, LLC is today announcing the release of a new ergonomic and completely functional ball point pen called "Infidel's Revenge". This pen is a high quality writing instrument and incorporates the same technology used in the company's industrial product line. ... This pen can now be purchased by any consumer, and provides a simple and effective way for everyone to fight terrorism.
[...]
"Finally, there is something we can all do to prevent terror attacks. Using the new Susblood pens for your everyday writing needs means that terror prevention technology will be resident in every drawer, every purse, every pocket everywhere, thereby eliminating the terrorists' primary motivation for homicide bombing," states Dr. Susblood.
Oh, Dr. Susblood. We wish all our press releases came from Groucho Marx characters.
