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After a too-long absence, the Defamer Special Real Estate Correspondent returns with yet another brief virtual tour from Hollywood's B-listings. Our brave man on the open-house beat lucks into nearly three million dollars' worth of boring in the Hills, courtesy of Emmy-nominated Law & Order: SVU player Mariska Hargitay:

On my usual Sunday real estate tour, I stumbled across an open house listed for $2.7 million in the prime "Bird Streets" section of the Hollywood Hills. Upon entry, the place is a bad late-70s, early 80s Spanish clone, in five levels, about 3,000 sq/ft. Turns out (no listing in "Hot Property," nor even the classic real estate agent "whisper") that this house belongs to Mariska Hargitay, of Law and Order: SVU and "I was in the car when my mom Jayne Mansfield was killed" [Ed.note—Too soon.] fame. Surprising.

The only "swank" feature is the requisite bachelorette "speakers in the walls in every room" for those "girl's night" parties - no Viking, no Sub-Zero, no pool, no fine finishes. Instead we've got "take your shoes off, new Berber carpet" signs and wallpaper printed to look like books in book cases and lamps with leopard-spot shades. A little investigation reveals that her dad, Mickey, ex-Mr. Universe and home builder, had this house built for his little girl about 25 years ago. And she's owned it ever since. Now, with her newfound money (many years on a network show as a lead) and an underemployed actor/husband in the family (Peter Hermann), they're selling to find a place that's "theirs" and not "hers," even though the money will most certainly not be 50/50 on the new place. Even more interestingly, this house shares a cul de sac with two other "Daddy built it for me" houses (but with differing definitions). It sits right next to the house Dr. Phil built for his son and the house Danny Sugerman built for his now-widow Fawn Hall Sugerman. Only in LA...

For a $2.7 million listing price, we at least hope that the all of the fake tomes on the wallpaper are selections from Oprah's book club. They wouldn't want a prospective buyer to think this is a home that doesn't foster culture and class.