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By now, we're all painfully aware of Katie Holmes' utter and total submission to Master Cruise. But in a bitch-you-so-did-NOT-just-do-that, yet inevitable, move, Holmes has terminated superflack Leslie Sloane-Zelnick and retained her captor's life-partner's publisister:

Katie Holmes fired her publicist of nearly eight years on Tuesday.

During her conversation with Leslie Sloane-Zelnick, Holmes did not mention that she was pregnant by fiancé Tom Cruise. The next day, the news broke. [...]

Sloane-Zelnick's probably not too upset about losing this client. While she relished the challenge of dreaming up a ridiculous explanation of how the virgin Holmes conceived their baby (think naughty Keebler Elves drilling a path through her navel in the middle of the night), her resources were already taxed thinking up excuses for why Lindsay Lohan thought she could squeeze her Benz between the headlights of a delivery truck, Maybe those mischievous elves can be repurposed...