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For reasons far beyond the comprehension of any mere mortal, Gawker was invited to a fancypants dinner last night at the National Building Museum in our nation's capital. The event was celebrating 350 years of raw Jewish power in America, complete with a keynote history lesson from President Bush. As he waxed philosophical on the wondrous wonderfulness of Jews, our tablemate, Heeb editor Josh Neuman, summed it all up quite nicely: "I really want to read the Koran."

Later, former NYC mayor Ed Koch got some time at the mic, opening his speech with, "they want to kill Jews and Christians alike." At this point, we were drinking straight from a stolen bottle of Baron Herzog, so we were too drunk to hear who "they" might be, but we're betting "they" had something to do with terror and evil and all those other D.C. buzzwords.

We wrapped up our evening at the Watergate hotel, where publisher Jason Binn was celebrating his attempt to further segregate Washington with his new Capitol File mag. The new baby-daddy was schmoozing on the world's shortest red carpet, people were smoking indoors, and the champagne might've just been Perrier. Apparently, this was the "hot" party in town, but Bob Woodward was there, so we're not sure we bought the hype. As we made our hasty escape, it only took a mere 30 minutes to find a cab (at a freaking hotel?!) — and we were thus reminded why we live in New York.