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Continuing the proud epistulary tradition shared between prison inmates and members of the media, NY Daily News JV gossip Lloyd Grove has kept up a correspondence with the Collins Correctional Facility's most famous resident, Michael Lohan, estranged father of everyone's favorite bony starlet, Lindsay Lohan. Grove's friendship is rewarded with a letter containing the jailhouse daddy's musical answer to his daughter's upcoming song about the Lohan's well-publicized familial turbulence. It's clear from his lyrical flair that Lindsay's songwriting gifts are genetic:

I've given my all and done the time/Then only been slighted, that's the crime!/My dear my dear what will it take/For you to tell the truth, for goodness sake!

I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem!

My love, my life, my family to me/May be nothing to them, but surely you'll see./That the time will come when the truth comes out./All on its own, I have no doubt.

This is just a sampling; knowing what a frail state we're all in, we can't recommend that you read the whole thing. There's only so much heartbreak we can endure right now.