Lindsay Lohan's Body Is A Drug-Free Zone
God bless Lindsay Lohan, the one person in this world whose public statements never, ever let us down. Once she gets her breasts back (she's working on it!), we're going to nuzzle ourselves in her bosom, where nothing can hurt us. From the always reliable WENN/IMDb:
Teen star Lindsay Lohan has vowed to stay away from drugs, after smoking marijuana once and hating it. The Mean Girls star, 19, indulged in the herbal cigarette and disliked the side effects. She says, "I'm not going to deny the fact that I've tried pot. I hated it. But never cocaine. I've seen my father (Michael Lohan). I've seen how it messes families up. If I hadn't had experienced that, I may have gone down a different route. But I've literally seen how it tore my parents apart."
We're sure that we're overanalyzing the construction of this statement, but the skeptical sort could potentially read "...I've tried pot. I hated it. But never cocaine." to mean that Lohan has never hated cocaine. Unfortunately, one invites such scrutiny when one's denial starts with admitting the use (even if it was once, and totally icky) of that most dreaded of gateway drugs, the pot. Better to pretend that you've never even seen drugs, nay, to deny the very existence of bathroom stalls in Hollywood, than to leave such glaring loopholes in one's denial. This concludes our impromptu media training.
