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Wherein we invite our readers to risk permanent brain injury contemplating the blind items of humpy E! gossip guru Ted Casablanca and submit their guesses as to this week's perpetrators of gay sexual acts and substance abuse. Mr. Casablanca comes back from the holidays with two items for your gossiping rapture. You're soaking in Two Filthy and Delicious Blind Vices:

Ted sez: "So, there ugly-ass Shep happens to be, getting pampered at one of Hell-Ay's myriad star-cuddling hot spots. Uniformed peeps standing by to pick your nose or clip your toes or polish your ass for a mere two or three of four hundred bucks, nothing more. Mr. S. has requested a special uniform wearer to perform his pampering of choice, some sort of hot-toweled routine designed to massage that enormous...ego of his." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips@defamer.com. We'll post them later today.

UPDATE: Your guesses are in! No more responses, please.