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In what is easily our most brain-melting PrivacyWatch entry to date, a reader presents an incredible account of a very special day at the T-Mobile store in Beverly Hills. Honestly, we don't know where to start: Paris Hilton's dissing of Hilary Swank? The sudden rash of celebrity Sidekick thefts? Just about the only thing that didn't happen was Catherine Zeta Jones parachuting in to save the day by frying the paparazzi throng with laser beams from her eyes.

I was in T-Mobile store on Beverly Dr. in Beverly Hills on Sunday when I unexpectedly got caught up in a paparazzi firestorm. First I noticed Kimberly Stewart getting a new Sidekick since she said she lost hers the previous night. Nothing exciting there. Then D-list reality celebrity Trishelle from the Real World (aka TRASHelle) walked in on her cell phone and was yapping away about how she just broke up with her boyfriend and was looking to meet new guys, blah blah. These two sightings paled in comparison to what I was about to witness.

Suddenly, we notice some commotion behind us and lo and behold it's Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. TOGETHER. That's when all hell broke loose and there were about 50 paparazzi and screaming fans outside the store, clicking and flashing away. The two of them moved to the back of the store to hide behind us while the T-Mobile staff locked the front doors. So now it's me, my boyfriend, Trishelle, Paris, Lindsey, and the T-Mobile folks locked in the store for the next hour. Apparently the previous night there was some massive celebrity Sidekick heist because both Paris and Lindsay claimed that their sidekicks were stolen at Shelter Saturday night. I can only imagine what scandalous information the lucky person who lifted those two sidekicks now has in their possession because both of them seemed pretty freaked out about it.

Paris had Tinkerbell with her who ran around the store and did little doggie poses. Paris was completely done up in full
makeup and false eyelashes. Lindsay looked a little wrecked but is overall a cute girl with a great rack. They were both wearing these nasty fugly uggs in the midst of the 85 degree heat. Unfortunately, since my new phone was being charged there was no camera phone at my disposal to capture all the fun. Trishelle suddenly got pissy and asked to be let out of the store and said she would be back later. I guess she couldn't handle the overwhelming A-list heat stumping her D-list skankiness.

For the next hour we played with Tinkerbell and watched with amazement the click click flash flash from outside. The two girls talked about their night before - sounds like they had a little party at Lindsey's after hitting Shelter and losing
all their shit. One of the clerks asked Paris why she's constantly followed by the stalkerazzi when Academy Award winner Hilary Swank was in the store the other day and nobody cared. Paris said it's because "Hilary is ugly." Damn, bitch, that's rough. Lindsay said "Yeah but she's a good actress." These girls fucking cracked me up. They also talked about how "lame" Trishelle was and about how "hot" everything else was.

After a while of chatting it up the two got ready to leave and were greeted with a throng of screaming people. Some
girls screamed out "we love you paris you're so pretty". Paris was sweet enough to acknowledge them while poor Lindsay was getting trampled on. Anyhow, the whole event was a whirlwind of stalking activity and I can't wait to see the pics in US Weekly next week or see the Sidekick trashiness show up online somewhere. Seriously, who stole all the celebrity Sidekicks?

Whew. We either need to lie down or head off to Cedars Sinai for some emergency neurosurgery. Is it bad when you start to bleed from the corners of both eyes?